AIBU to leave a higher paid toxic job for less?

Good luck op.

Being happy at work counts for more than we think. Yes work is work, but we spend many hours working, if you’re not getting on with someone or the job makes you miserable it’s going to start affecting you outside of work too. I’m going through something similar myself. Got a new manager who I’m not sure on, it seems they’re nice when things are going well but if there’s an issue you need help with they can get impatient and a bit mean. I’m not sure I can work under that style long term. At the moment it’s not so bad for me that I want to resign with nothing to go to, but I am worried it could get to that point so I’m keeping an eye on the job market (it’s rubbish at the moment).

I'm pleased to read that you've given your notice in OP. People don't realise until they've been in this situation how absolutely soul destroying it can be, and it doesn't just affect work life, but home life and relationships too.

Wishing you the very best of luck in finding a suitable new job soon. In the meantime, take care of yourself.

Glad to hear you're getting out Nobodyiswatching. It can take a while to unwind all the stress, but you won't regret leaving.

I did similar and regretted the move. My destroyed confidence really impacted on the new job, I missed the previous field I was in and, worse, when I then got diagnosed with stage 3 cancer I hadn't built up very much sick pay. I wish I'd remained with the original employer but moved to a different role. Is that an option for you?

Get out. Sometimes you try and tough it out but it gets to a point where your mental/physical health deteriorate to such a point the choice is forced upon you and you’re not in the best place to showcase yourself for a new opportunity.

I took an effective 100k payout... I have ZERO regrets.
My mental health being destroyed

You mean you’re just applying for the new job, you haven’t been offered the role yet?

Take the lower paid job. Life is too short. I currently have less than half of what I used to have coming in. It's surprising how u can economise. I have been doing ad hoc bank work till something more relevant crops up. It will be less pay but less stressful

I know someone who has moved back to our company after leaving to go elsewhere, probably at around 16k less than they were on at the new place because the stress and the working environment were absolutely terrible. They are SO much happier and absolutely no regrets.

In your situation I would consider leaving without any job lined up so 12 months FTC on a lower salary is a positive in that sense.

I would keep looking for work though, the 12 months will fly by and don't feel obliged to serve the full term if a new job starts earlier.

I did exactly this a couple of years ago, I’d taken a job with a decent payrise in a new industry thinking a change would be good.

It was an awful, micromanaging toxic environment and I hated every minute of it, I couldn’t get out quick enough!!

I took a contract role back at my old company, with a pay cut, but honestly it was so worth it for my own wellbeing, mental health, and confidence.

I’ve now ended up in another role in my same industry with a bigger pay rise and loving it, don’t stay anywhere you hate so much, life is too short.

Get out of there.

You cannot put a price on your health and wellbeing. My vote would be to take the lower-paid job, even though it is a fixed contract for a year.

Could you stick it out at your current workplace for another year anyway? Highly unlikely, and you'd be worse off with wrecked mental health, probably on long-term sick leave, and with no job to go to.

£19k (minus tax) not worth the stress…BUT you frame this as a binary choice when it probably isn’t? Find somewhere that values your skillset and negotiate a pay rise- in general I expect a 20% minimum pay rise when I change companies. Could you negotiate the new role?what other roles are out there? For a fixed term role I would expect the, to pay a premium.

i totally hear you though - currently leaving a very toxic job. I probably would have taken same wage, but managed to get a 25% uplift- you just need to know your value in the market.

If you arent happy leave. Probably not a wise move to go over your managers head to the next level?

About 30 years ago I was in a similar position.
I was in a job I didn't enjoy, mainly because of how I was being treated by my manager. The location and 9-5 hours meant it was harder to look for other jobs (things weren't online in the same way as now, so adverts were in the job centre, local paper etc, and sometimes you needed to physically collect application forms).

I was fortunate to still be living at home, and had the support of my parents to leave. I left to go to a casual contract, so no security on how long the post would be for.

However the fact it wasn't permanent didn't matter to me, because if I didn't take that job, I would have been leaving to no job. I felt as if my health was more important than staying in a job where I felt as I did.

I was at that job for 5 months, before moving to a full time job, that I have been in for nearly 30 years.

Harder when you have commitments, but leaving was the best decision.

You and DH need to look at the whole situation and do what will be right for you long term.
Staying for the extra money, but ending up ill, may not be the best long term.

However, if the drop in money would impact on things such as being able to pay for essentials, then you could be changing one bad situation for another.
Include some practical short term measures to cut back on expenses too if there are any. I was in a situation where my parents could provide the financial support. In my current job when I went on maternity leave and went part time afterwards , a factor we considered was that we had overpaid the mortgage, so could reduce payments for a period of time if needed (which fortunately it wasn't).
Good luck whatever you choose.

I hung on, and he made me redundant, it was a very stressful time. I ended up jumping into a completely different field with similar money, 1.5 years later I’ve been offered a 20% pay rise in a job I love and absolutely thrive in.

I guess my point is, it could get worse if she decides to put you on a PIP or make you redundant, best to move before you’re pushed

I would definitely leave and take the temp job.

Your physical and mental health are more important.

Your manager is not going to change and you know that the organisation is not going to do anything to address her behaviour, so there is no point in staying in that toxic environment that will never improve.

I moved from my very stressful NHS job to a job with similar pay but had to drop from 3 to 2 days to do it so effectively took a 1/3 pay cut, but it was absolutely worth it, and it wasn't long until they were able to offer me another day. There is a lot of value to being happy at work even if it means a pay cut - you have a decent chance of building up again even if you don't end up earning as much as you could have done in your previous job.

I'm don't know what field you're in, but myself & a few colleagues all left a toxic workplace over 6-12 months. We all went via different routes, all Fixed Term or Temp contracts. 4 years on, we've all moved on at least once but never been out of work. I've been at the same place for 3 years now. It was the best thing that I / We ever did - taking that leap of faith & accepting the risk.

I've been in this position very recently - I really sympathise. I decided to stay and tough it out because we'd just moved house and needed the money. It was hard and my toxic boss never really changed. But I did find ways to handle him better and I was surprised by how I was able to cope day by day even when it seemed impossible. I guess it depends on how much you need the money versus what your other options are. Hope it goes well for you.

I’ve twice got out and taken a pay cut. The first time the job role (more varied than the job I left albeit a lower grade) actually put me in a better position to apply for leadership post two years later and, within three years I was earning more than I had.
The second time it was a pay cut for the same role but a different employer who was paying less as a starting salary but it was a much less toxic environment. It was worth it and again, I now earn more than I would had I stayed with the original employer.
It’s a pinch but sometimes it’s not a bad strategy as you’re in a much better place mentally if and when you go for something else again in the future. I definitely felt more capable and confident at interviews after having had a spell out of a toxic workplace - was more sure of myself and my capabilities once I knew I’d proved them and I was somewhere where they were valued.

Be careful. In taking a new job it should be the new job that attracts you as opposed to it being an exit plan from one you don't like. Bad jobs can really affect your confidence, mood and mental state. There are some parallels with relationships. Be confident you aren't leaving a troublesome one and taking a new one straight away, as if on the rebound. Also if you are stressed out you might not interview well. An interviewer will be looking for confidence that the applicant truly wants the new job.