AIBU to say no to being my step sister's birth partner?

Yes. You definitely need to be a medical professional to know that birth can be a very vulnerable and difficult experience 🤔.

I couldn’t leave a family member to do it alone. If the OP doesn’t want to do it, that’s her prerogative. If it were me, I’d rather expend a grand on a doula than let my sister give birth with no support. 🤷‍♀️ Honestly why is that funny?

It sounds much more than mild anxiety. She describes her own births and her sister's birth as 'traumatic' and she feels traumatised by these experiences.

Why on earth should OP pay for a doula? Her step-sister's useless boyfriend who won't be her birthing partner in case seeing her in labour and giving birth 'puts him off her' should be the one paying for a doula.

These armchair medical experts. 😅 You can’t possibly know and sound very, very silly.

Yes, OP, you should now pay for a step sister you aren’t close to and haven’t seen for months to have a doula. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 It’s the ‘least’ you could do. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Some people are funny.

The way I see this is that you can't make everyone an equal priority. I would be prioritising my partner and children over a more distant family member that I wasn't close to and saw infrequently.

Nah. If she chose to procreate with a loser and is so bad at relationships that the only person she can ask is a half sister she sees once year, that's totally on her.

It's a huge ask. I wouldn't do it.

You don't want to, so you won't be.

End.

I do feel very sad for your step-sister but that doesn't mean you should be her birthing partner.

Agreed @MsPrufrockk

Twattiness indeed, surely if she's ready to have a baby with this man, she's ready to have him at the birth? My relationship with my son's dad was very new when I unexpectedly got pregnant, but there was never any doubt he'd be at the birth! And if he had said he 'was afraid he'd go off me' because of it - he would have been in the bin straight away.

YANBU, being someone's birthing partner is a very personal thing, and you shouldn't do it if you don't feel 100% committed to it, and to them.

Yanbu at all. Would your mum go with her @WayAhead ?

Yeah, I think this is the best way to go.

It's a delicate situation. I don't think it's necessarily a good thing to have someone who's sucked it up and doesn't want to be there either. Birth support is just so important. It's not really like other favours you might be asked. You can't unselfish your way into the baggage from your own and your sister's births not affecting you.

But it does sound like mild discomfort (or mild anxiety if you like) vs the scary experience for your stepsister of giving birth with a very limited support system.

You can say no, but I feel really sorry for your stepsister. Could you contribute to a doula to support her instead at least?

This, it looks like the step sis sees op as a commodity to be used as a tool.
if they were so close, I’d assume she’d have been there at the ops births or after, helping with the dc?
Or am I assuming correctly… your dc would have no idea who she is @WayAhead ?

Just say you can’t as you are going on holiday that week.

I think that given that you're not close and you'd have to scrap holiday plans with your partner and children to be a birth partner it's too much to ask. I'd say no, you're not able to do this.

OP has said that she and her step-sister hardly have a relationship at all. They have never been close and her step-sister has never wanted a closer relationship with OP. This request has come totally out of the blue.

The reason why her boyfriend won't be her birthing partner is that they both think that seeing her give birth would 'put him off her'. I genuinely can't even think of a twattier reason for the father of the baby refusing to support the mother during labour and the birth of their baby.

OP obviously still has PTSD from her own difficult birth and she found being her sister's birthing partner extremely traumatising. She, quite understandably, doesn't want to go through this again for her step-sister.

Both my deliveries took place without the father or a birth partner present. The midwives and other staff were great and I found them more than enough. Having someone there who I wasn't close to, and who didn't want to be there, would not have been better. The second delivery was much more straightforward than the first and I had one midwife throughout with another dropping in for key moments. It helps if you get all of it done in one shift, though! With the first, I went through 4 shifts from admission to delivery (day staff, night staff, day staff, night staff again!)

That sounds like a good message to send OP. Enjoy your holiday.

Yanbu at all.
You are not close.
She is a step sister through marriage.
Not all blended families have children that become close.
It is a hugely personal experience and why would you want to share it with someone that you are not close to, simply because they feel it suits them to have you there.

Sharing the birthing experience with someone like that, who is having a baby with someone they met 5 minutes ago, leaves you wide open to be her go to person afterwards because of the experience.

If you are not close to her, yanbu to not wish to be involved.

You said she did have other people to choose from but now you think she has no one else to ask if it isn’t to be the partner?

Ooo that's cold. I don't think there's anyway to tell her without hurting her. You obviously mean a lot more to her than she means to you and it is going to hurt her when she finds that out, at one of her most vulnerable times too. I couldn't say no to someone if it would risk them giving birth alone.

I didn’t say it wasn’t? I didn’t say the OP couldn’t say no? I said that the step sister knows it’s a personal experience. If the OP says “it’s a personal experience” she will surely reply “I know”. So the OP needs a different thing to say.