AIBU to say no to being my step sister's birth partner?

With relation to this little gem

'i can’t really understand why you helped one sister previously but won’t help this one but it’s probably in the thread, I just haven’t gone thru it all.'

For someone that has haunted the thread like a malevolent ghost, surely you know that you can click on 'See all' next to the OP's original post to see the posts where OP has told us how traumatised she felt when she was her sister's birthing partner after her own traumatic births. She hasn't told her step-sister this because she is worried about it getting back to her sister who would then feel guilty.

You are full of sympathy and empathy for OP's step-sister who isn't reading your posts while being callous and massively judgemental to OP who is reading them.

The 'off-hand 'comment about OP paying for her sister's doula was nothing of the sort. It was just another attempt to try and guilt trip OP and make her feel bad.

tbh the offering to pay thing was an offhand comment - I have no idea what your or your sister’s financial situation is.

if you can’t be a birth partner, I suppose I would just want to make sure she did have support (helping her find a doula, making sure she had a friend committed etc). if she is very hard up and the father won’t help and you’re better off, perhaps financial help, but no of course that isn’t your responsibility.

i can’t really understand why you helped one sister previously but won’t help this one but it’s probably in the thread, I just haven’t gone thru it all. Ultimately, you can have whatever boundaries you want so up
to you.

overall, sounds like you’ve made your decision so that’s fine. Wish you and your sister well, I hope she has a good birth.

Wonder if all the goady “you need to do it or pay!” Posters will all chip in to pay for the doula… it’s the kiiind thing natch…

You make random goady comments without reading the thread to get attention. Okay then. 👍

tbh the offering to pay thing was an offhand comment - I have no idea what your or your sister’s financial situation is.

if you can’t be a birth partner, I suppose I would just want to make sure she did have support (helping her find a doula, making sure she had a friend committed etc). if she is very hard up and the father won’t help and you’re better off, perhaps financial help, but no of course that isn’t your responsibility.

i can’t really understand why you helped one sister previously but won’t help this one but it’s probably in the thread, I just haven’t gone thru it all. Ultimately, you can have whatever boundaries you want so up
to you.

overall, sounds like you’ve made your decision so that’s fine. Wish you and your sister well, I hope she has a good birth.

I sent a message to say that I can’t be her birth partner mentioning that I’d find it far too emotional after my past experiences and that our holiday is around the same time. I wished her all the best for the rest of her pregnancy and birth.

I’ve told my sisters I was asked so it’s possible she may ask them, to give them time to think about whether they could do it or not if she did ask them.

If you don't consider her family then fair enough, don't do it. But if you do, well. I can't imagine rejecting a family member at such a vulnerable time in their life.

The majority of these posts astonish me. This is what we've become as a society.

Why does that mean I should ‘at least’ pay for a doula?

I have things that aren’t ideal in my world, should my step sister pay to sort those things out? 🙄

I mean in an ideal world her sister would have a supportive partner who would be there with her but it sounds like that isn’t the case?

Why would OP pay for a doula? Her stepsister is an adult and has made the choice to have a baby with someone who she hardly knows. Why can't he pay for a doula? Why is OP expected to take more responsibility than the actual father of the baby?

If you don't consider her family then fair enough, don't do it. But if you do, well. I can't imagine rejecting a family member at such a vulnerable time in their life.

The majority of these posts astonish me. This is what we've become as a society.

If you don't consider her family then fair enough, don't do it. But if you do, well. I can't imagine rejecting a family member at such a vulnerable time in their life.

The majority of these posts astonish me. This is what we've become as a society.

But it does sound like mild discomfort (or mild anxiety if you like) vs the scary experience for your stepsister of giving birth with a very limited support system.

You can say no, but I feel really sorry for your stepsister. Could you contribute to a doula to support her instead at least?

Yes. You definitely need to be a medical professional to know that birth can be a very vulnerable and difficult experience 🤔.

I couldn’t leave a family member to do it alone. If the OP doesn’t want to do it, that’s her prerogative. If it were me, I’d rather expend a grand on a doula than let my sister give birth with no support. 🤷‍♀️ Honestly why is that funny?

You said it sounded like mild discomfort or mild anxiety. It’s not. I have a diagnosis from qualified medical professionals who have treated me.

I won’t be paying for a doula. My step sister is an adult with a job, as is her partner. Their bills are for them to pay.

If you don't consider her family then fair enough, don't do it. But if you do, well. I can't imagine rejecting a family member at such a vulnerable time in their life.

The majority of these posts astonish me. This is what we've become as a society.

You tried to diagnose OP when you haven’t met her. You can’t and you look silly for that.

Yes, it not funny at all to think OP should spend a grand on this, rather than the parents of the baby paying themselves. 🤪😂

Thanks to a suggestion on the thread, I’ve said I’m going to say it will be too emotional for me due to my experiences, and with us probably going away around the due date, I can’t do it but I wish her all the best.

Yes. You definitely need to be a medical professional to know that birth can be a very vulnerable and difficult experience 🤔.

I couldn’t leave a family member to do it alone. If the OP doesn’t want to do it, that’s her prerogative. If it were me, I’d rather expend a grand on a doula than let my sister give birth with no support. 🤷‍♀️ Honestly why is that funny?