AIBU or are candid photos just fucking brutal once you’re middle aged

My 16 year old niece does this the little bugger. Cracking photo of me on The Tube, during a heatwave, on the way back to the train station to go home. Lank hair, pissed off look, hot and can't be arsed face.

Another sly side on shot walking in London with a rucksack and an umbrella as a parasol too made me look mental. I thought I looked good in my cropped trousers, nope made me look shorter, dumpier and the side of my face look like it had melted.

Yanbu but we have been away all summer, I have a photo album of 1000+ photos. Not one photo I was taken of me so when the DC look back at this summer it'll just be my shadow they'll see as I take the photo.

I have always looked awful in photos even when I was young. Or maybe I actually look how I really look and my mental image of myself is seriously off. The only person I like taking photos of me is my daughter because she's a brilliant photographer and could make anyone look amazing. When she takes a photo of me I look 15 years younger. I'm never going to fall out with her 🙂

My husband took an awful one of me and my sister on my birthday - we were in a restaurant leaning over the table deep in conversation, so mouths open, backs hunched, boobs drooping, and it was from the side which flatters no one. Fortunately we had posed for one outside before the meal started (my top tip - if you're going out to eat or drink always get a photo before you start!) which was much nicer.

My husband meant well as he knows I value photos with my sister as we don't live close to one another.

At least nowadays you can take another photo easily. Not like in my youth, when you'd eventually finished the film off and sent it away, the disappointment when your photos came back from TruPrint, you looked hideous or they were blurred and the occasion was long gone.

This thread has made me laugh so much. My 21 year old DD takes 'candid' pics of me. The last one was me hunched over a cream scone in a naice cafe. 😅😂 I looked bloody terrible and greedy but did enjoy the scone after 😆

My dh actually takes really flattering pics of me but never shares them with me. My parents seem to take the worst photos of me and my Mum usually pics the one where I look most like a spotty dumpling with my eyes shut to share on the family whatsapp.

Helen Gurley Brown of Cosmopolitan fame wrote a book about the challenges of ageing. She was firmly of the view that you shouldn't forward unflatterinfg people to similarly older people even if it was the sole memento of some shared holiday. Frankly, I want my hair clean and combed, and some make up on and a decent outfit before I woulde even contemplate a photograph. Given the ease of taking photographs these days, I think people should just delete the unflattering photographs. It's not like the old days of keeping unflattering negatives. My husband knows better than to proffer a hideously unflattering shot to me.

I think I look quite the thing when I’m off out, so reality comes as a terrible shock. When I’ve glimpsed myself in those security mirrors above a self-checkout - omg it’s my mum - and my mum on a bad day at that @MaturingCheeseball

At least you look like your mum in those security mirrors in supermarkets. I look like my Dad!! That's even more of a shock 😂

You must be unbelievably fit @PauliesWalnuts AND you beat two of your PBs. Less of the tears. Be proud of yourself!

My 17 year old asked me to take candid pics of her on holiday this year. Now bear mind she's a very slim, pretty 17yo who never leaves the house without make up and a carefully curated outfit (!), so you'd expect great things.

However every single shot I took, I managed to get her looking slack jawed, pulling a face, sat in an unflattering pose etc.

She said she wanted some candid pics like the ones she sees on Instagram (sigh) so we had a look at these pics, and basically they're all massively posed to look candid. You know the ones where they're wistfully staring out to sea, or smiling with delight at a passing bird...

So we decided what she actually wanted was "posed candid"

So basically, I don't think it matters what age you are or what you look like, candid pics are never going to be your friend.

Honestly, I think you're being a little bit ridiculous. But only because the "candid" you is what your loved ones see all the time, that's how you naturally look, and they love YOU. As long as the photos aren't being shared with anyone you don't want them to be shared with, I wouldn't worry.

I feel your pain, but do let him, he obviously thinks you look beautiful regardless - or he wouldn’t take the photos.
in a decade or so you’ll look back at them and remember the happy memories and be glad they were taken. (just don’t look at them now 🤣)

This takes me back to the amusing threads in the early days of covid when people started doing Zoom meetings for work and were horrified at how they looked.

How we look doing certain poses and faces in the mirror is not how we look in reality 😁

I think it depends what your "posed look" is - if you always duckface or put your hands under your chin to be 'cute' etc then it is good to have some candid photos too, to show what you actually look like, so YABU.

If you tend to photograph 'normally', but the candid shots are just super unflattering because your DH has particularly terrible photography skills, YANBU.

That was really horrible of him. Are you OK?

@PauliesWalnuts you should be bloody proud of yourself!

A lot of photos are filtered anyway. I've never been photogenic (don't look great in real life 🤣).
All angles are bad angles and usually a few photos have to be taken before I can find one that is acceptable!

Some of us weren't ever happy with our photos at any age so I'm leaning towards the "Get Over It" perspective.

I actually do Pilates. Yes I've got abs of steel (hidden under what looks like uncooked pizza dough) and reasonably good posture, but photographs still show my crepey upper arms, neck and an horrendous cleavage.

I think it’s sweet that he loves how you look and wants to capture moments with you. If my DH did that I think I would fall over in shock and be extremely pleased. As long as he’s not posting them about online I think I would be flattered rather than annoyed.

That’s a massive achievement, well done.

Yanbu
I saw some photos of myself taken by my partner at a wedding where my face appeared to melt into my neck, my mouth looked wonky as I was talking and my upper arms looked massive. I told him why they were awful and he said “don’t be silly you are nearly 50 after all!”

This month I did my first ever triathlon - I’m 54 and thanks to meno and PCOS I’m 15 st5 when I should be 10st. I was really proud that I’d done it, and in my fastest ever swim and run times. When I had a look at the event photos I cried my eyes out all afternoon. I’m trying my best to be healthy but photos like that absolutely batter my self esteem.

Same

I swear by Pilates. Strengthens your core which helps you stand more upright. Damned if I know how to fix the fact that I keep thrusting my head forward though, still hoping Pilates will mend that!