AIBU to prefer time with my children over using babysitters?

Thank you for your kind words.

It’s definitely up to you to do whatever you are comfortable with, when and how often. So for me, my Mum did say if my DH and I ever wanted a few nights abroad on our own she’d have ours, but for me I really panicked at the thought of being out of the country without them, and have only ever done 1 night apart as I would miss them a great deal. I also have friends who, when theirs were very young, felt more comfortable with a daytime lunch date because theirs were more unsettled with babysitters at bedtime.

It’s a individual and personal one for sure, no right or wrong 😊

So long as you can gradually let go as tgey get more independent I can't see a problem.

I wouldn’t describe a grandparent as a babysitter. I have fond memories of days out with my grandad at primary school age and my mum would take my dd out in school hols. I was at a mueum this week and two children were having a lovely day with their grandparents/great grandparents. As long as they are loving involved grandparents it’s a bonus if they are willing to spend time with dc.

So, I probably spent an unusually high amount of time with my own grandparents as a child. I slept over their house every weekend (my Dad died when I was 4, so they were almost like other parents). So I always just assumed my children would likewise spent a lot of time with GPs growing up (made easier as I live 10 min from Mum).

My Mum is very laidback about making plans, so I tend to ask. I like to give her notice and check she is free, so I’ll let her know if we receive a specific evening invite as soon as I receive it, etc. Now mine are 5 and 7 they’ll ask her themselves and sort it out amongst themselves 😂 she always visits us 1 day a week after school, and we also invite her out with us as a 4 on day trips in the school holidays.

Is it that they are not getting the chance to build a good relationship directly with their DGCs?

Not weird. I never used a babysitter. I was a single parent working FT, so DD was in FT nursery and then wraparound childcare. Weekends were our precious time together. Didn’t have a partner so date nights not needed! We used to socialise with other single mums and kids when we wanted any company.

It depends. I think it’s easy to let couple side fall by wayside. I think it’s hard if you never go out as a couple to a concert, wedding, meal etc to find your groove again as a couple when they are older.

Why did you start this thread? You know you’re happy with how things are and you are a teacher so know about child development. Seems like you just want to say how great you are and your kids and how wonderfully you all get along well done. Some people want to go and see art, theatre, raves, dinner with friends etc and enjoy using a babysitter. Who cares??

I get pressure from friends all the time to get a babysitter. We don’t want to.
if we do go out together my Mum jumps to hang out with them. I am very lucky but they still constantly suggest I get a ‘real’ babysitter ie. Pay a teenager

Reading between the lines, is this your MIL and she sees your DC spending time with your mum, but not her?

Why does it bother them you don't use babysiitters?!

It’s completely up to you.

We are similar in that we both love spending as much time as possible with our children as a 4, and both pop out separately too.

However, I ensured from a young age that both of ours spent time without us with my mum, including overnight. It is very important to me to have some proper time with my husband, to enjoy adult conversation, eat in a nice restaurant for our birthdays/wedding anniversary, go to the theatre, attend an adult birthday party in evening, etc. We aim to do this once every month or two.

Our children really love this time with my mum. They have their own things they love to do together, and mine ask to go as they love it so much, so over this weekend they’ll go for a night when we aren’t even out! 😂

A very important bonus of your children having somewhere they are comfortable overnight can also a lifesaver in an emergency. I was rushed to hospital for almost a week when mine were 1 and 3. I’m a SAHM, DH’s work were very understanding, but knowing my mum could step in too if I had been ill for longer helped me worry less in hospital. Similarly, my son was already completely comfortable staying at mum’s when I gave birth to our daughter.

As a mum I do get where you are coming from. As a child who had a mum similar ( not saying this is you) Her entire life became about us and when we wanted to branch out she really struggled as she was losing her life as she knew it. So I dunno

I think this is as subjective as whether people like spicy food or not, or The Spice Girls (or whatever you kids are into these days). Some peoppe need the space, some dont enjoy it. As l9ng as its a reasonably functional family, I reckon it all pans out in the end. The young children years are hellish and precious. Do.whatever makes it work for your family and thats all that needs to be considered. Unless you turn into one of those people who ismconstantly declaring they couldnt possible do what another mum does, poor little mites performance mothering but you sound fairly normal to me 😀

Outside of childcare in school holidays (which you don't need) ds isn't often with others without us but a few times a year he'll stay with grandparents overnight, or even with PIL for a few days (summer holidays) sometimes it's for childcare but sometimes it's because he has a lovely time with them without us.

Is there never something you and your husband want to go to that's not for children? The theatre, a gig, an exhibition, go to a new bar or restaurant with friends.

We've been invited to a party later in the year for a friend's big birthday and whilst DS is invited there won't be many children there so we've decided to book a hotel both have a drink and DS is staying with grandparents for the night at their house. He will also stay with them while we both go to our Christmas do (same night).
I get you don't need childcare in the holidays but it is nice to sometimes do something with your husband without children present.

Seriously? 🙄🤦‍♀️😄
Peak Mumsnet - jumping straight to 'oh well they must be perverts/enmeshed/intrusive' about an ENTIRELY NORMAL situation of family providing childcare for the odd night out.

OP - in answer to your question, it will do you good to keep up friendships, hobbies, your relationship with your partner - and keep hold of who you are, rather than be subsumed by family life