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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to prefer time with my children over using babysitters?

134 replies

Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 13:59

The other day someone in my close family (one of the grandparents to my children) expressed that they find it annoying that I very rarely seek babysitters as I always want to be with my kids. This person said that I was dependent on my kids and on turn I was making them dependent on me.

For context, I have 2 children and I am a teacher. My husband works in a hospital. I am part-time and he is full time. My kids are of school age/nursery age so they attend that during the week. I've never felt the need to spend much time away from them on my days off and really value the time we get to spend as a 4 on days off and holidays etc ...

If I go out my husband generally looks after them and vice versa. We do have date nights out but they aren't very often.

Is this weird?

(I would like to highlight that nobody has ever really offered to babysit them and I've been okay with this. I am not unhappy and neither is my husband - just wanting to know what other people have)

Thanks!

OP posts:
FlapperFlamingo · 29/08/2026 15:27

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 29/08/2026 14:33

Reading between the lines, is this your MIL and she sees your DC spending time with your mum, but not her?

This is what the thread is really about! If you don’t want to use a babysitter then don’t - but sometimes it is good for your relationship to have a complete break from kids and be a couple again. Also, make sure you treat the grandparents fairly other it will store up trouble.

Original poster
Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 15:27

Flamingojune · 29/08/2026 15:24

Well no more like people who don't believe in paying strangers to babysit

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Also a valid point 🙂.

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 29/08/2026 15:27

You do sound like quite a smothering parent . As your kids get older I wouldn’t be surprised if they want to spend more time away from you tbh .

fumingrightnow1 · 29/08/2026 15:27

Its about balance I have a friend whos child is like their security blanket and they just can't leave the house without them this child is now a teenager and its still exactly the same and the teenager never wants to go out and be away from mum. But i also have friends who I honestly don't know why they had kids as the grandparents are basically raising them.

Original poster
Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 15:26

Freshrain · 29/08/2026 15:19

Seems very insular to me, to never go out with your dh if you are able to.
Do you never want to go (together) to a gig, sports match, theatre show or something else that is outside your 4 walls ?
Don't you even want to meet up with friends ? Don't you ever get invited to a BBQ, or a birthday party, or a wedding ?

No not really ... We live in a village so things like that are further away (gigs, museums etc ...). Our "couples" friends have kids the same age as ours so our kids are always invited and then when I go for a girls night my husband more often than not looks after the kids or vice versa. I have genuinely never thought of it as weird but I'm starting to 😂.

OP posts:
Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 29/08/2026 15:25

Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 14:51

Good point! Although I wouldnt feel comfortable asking my parents or in-laws to look after my kids when I have 6 weeks off. That's definitely a me problem that stems from people making fun of the 6 weeks off 🙈.

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But in 6 weeks it’s a shame if they can’t have a day or two out with a loving grandparent. It doesn’t have to be always mum. Going on a bus, having a cake in cafe, telling you all about it afterwards are part of it.
They get a different experience going with a grandparent and it’s a good chance for you to get errands or appointments done.
The grandparents/primary school age children were having a lovely time we saw at the museum and my elderly mum reminiscing about trips out she’d had with my dd when she was primary school age.
It’s a change for everyone. In 42 days off a few hours apart doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy spending time with your children.

Flamingojune · 29/08/2026 15:24

Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 15:22

No complaints here. And yes that would be very annoying! Like if you've got people offering then why not take it up? 🙂.

Show quote history

Well no more like people who don't believe in paying strangers to babysit

Original poster
Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 15:22

Flamingojune · 29/08/2026 15:20

Its when people complain about their restricted lives but refuse to use babysitters , that annoys me

No complaints here. And yes that would be very annoying! Like if you've got people offering then why not take it up? 🙂.

OP posts:
Flamingojune · 29/08/2026 15:20

Its when people complain about their restricted lives but refuse to use babysitters , that annoys me

Freshrain · 29/08/2026 15:19

Seems very insular to me, to never go out with your dh if you are able to.
Do you never want to go (together) to a gig, sports match, theatre show or something else that is outside your 4 walls ?
Don't you even want to meet up with friends ? Don't you ever get invited to a BBQ, or a birthday party, or a wedding ?

Original poster
Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 15:19

ImpatientlyWaitingForSummer · 29/08/2026 15:18

Oh that is, without doubt, my favourite part of the day 😂

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😂

OP posts:
ImpatientlyWaitingForSummer · 29/08/2026 15:18

Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 15:04

This sounds nice 🙂. I am starting to think I may value TV and early nights more than most. I get excited at 8pm when I put on my jammies 😂.

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Oh that is, without doubt, my favourite part of the day 😂

Original poster
Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 15:18

RitaFires · 29/08/2026 15:02

If this grandparent wants to spend time with the children without you, it would be much better if they suggested a time and activity they'd like to do rather than complaining and casting things in a negative light. It's nothing to do with babysitting because if you were going out most evenings and paying neighbours to babysit then their issue would remain.

Well there wasn't actually an offer of spending time/child care. It was more of a familial critique than an offer 😂.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 15:16

Drivingmissrangey · 29/08/2026 15:10

Date nights are usually a takeaway and a new TV show that we have both been wanting to watch or just sitting and talking

I get that if money is tight maybe a takeaway and a movie is a date night, but saying in and having a chat? Especially when you have family willing to babysit that’s not a date, it’s every day life.

My husband does a lot of night shifts and I'm up early in the morning. We are in a time of our life when this is just a luxury for us 😊. One day, I assume, it will return to being everyday life but right now it's not for us.

And actually, even though this person had this conversation with me, there wasn't actually an offer of childcare attached. More accusatory of my family life than a problem/solution chat 😊

OP posts:
Drivingmissrangey · 29/08/2026 15:10

Date nights are usually a takeaway and a new TV show that we have both been wanting to watch or just sitting and talking

I get that if money is tight maybe a takeaway and a movie is a date night, but saying in and having a chat? Especially when you have family willing to babysit that’s not a date, it’s every day life.

Original poster
Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 15:05

RitaFires · 29/08/2026 15:02

If this grandparent wants to spend time with the children without you, it would be much better if they suggested a time and activity they'd like to do rather than complaining and casting things in a negative light. It's nothing to do with babysitting because if you were going out most evenings and paying neighbours to babysit then their issue would remain.

Good point 😊.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 15:04

ImpatientlyWaitingForSummer · 29/08/2026 15:00

Can’t answer as to whether or not it’s weird but I can say that I’m exactly the same, my eldest is coming up to 3 now and my youngest is 14 months, not been babysat a single time since they’ve been born. My partner and I enjoy the evenings when they’re asleep, having a couple of drinks at the weekend, chatting and watching a new TV show. When they’re old enough to express a want to be babysat by family members then I’m sure I’ll be open to it but for now they’re little and I like to spend the time with them

This sounds nice 🙂. I am starting to think I may value TV and early nights more than most. I get excited at 8pm when I put on my jammies 😂.

OP posts:
RitaFires · 29/08/2026 15:02

If this grandparent wants to spend time with the children without you, it would be much better if they suggested a time and activity they'd like to do rather than complaining and casting things in a negative light. It's nothing to do with babysitting because if you were going out most evenings and paying neighbours to babysit then their issue would remain.

ImpatientlyWaitingForSummer · 29/08/2026 15:00

Can’t answer as to whether or not it’s weird but I can say that I’m exactly the same, my eldest is coming up to 3 now and my youngest is 14 months, not been babysat a single time since they’ve been born. My partner and I enjoy the evenings when they’re asleep, having a couple of drinks at the weekend, chatting and watching a new TV show. When they’re old enough to express a want to be babysat by family members then I’m sure I’ll be open to it but for now they’re little and I like to spend the time with them

Chilly80 · 29/08/2026 15:00

Sounds like someone stirring the pot or wanting to be able to control you

Original poster
Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 14:56

Hopefulsalmon · 29/08/2026 14:55

Speaking from experience, I had a v surface level relationship with one set of grandparents who I only saw with my parents present (I think this was the GPs choice), whereas I used to spend time on my own with the others and developed and benefitted from a much closer and richer relationship with them.

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Interesting!

OP posts:
Papoy · 29/08/2026 14:55

I feel it is normal wanting to spend as much time as possible with own children.

There will be many who says otherwise but that's also ok. Parenting doesn't need to be one fits for all and that relative is just projecting an expectation ... Don't let her make you feel wrong about what feels right to you.

Hopefulsalmon · 29/08/2026 14:55

Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 14:45

Would this happen because we don't leave them with them? We see all grandparents a lot (and my children have step grandparents too so technically 6 😊)

Show quote history

Speaking from experience, I had a v surface level relationship with one set of grandparents who I only saw with my parents present (I think this was the GPs choice), whereas I used to spend time on my own with the others and developed and benefitted from a much closer and richer relationship with them.

Original poster
Cherrytree696 · 29/08/2026 14:53

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 29/08/2026 14:33

Reading between the lines, is this your MIL and she sees your DC spending time with your mum, but not her?

No, it wasn't her actually but she never offers. She looks after my sister in law's children quite a lot so I think she finds her plate to be quite full (which I totally understand).

OP posts:
Jerrybalanitis · 29/08/2026 14:52

OX0 · 29/08/2026 14:37

Why did you start this thread? You know you’re happy with how things are and you are a teacher so know about child development. Seems like you just want to say how great you are and your kids and how wonderfully you all get along well done. Some people want to go and see art, theatre, raves, dinner with friends etc and enjoy using a babysitter. Who cares??

Well aren't you charming!

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