AIBU to prefer time with my children over using babysitters?

This all sounds lovely and you sound very fortunate. You do realise though that some
of us have grandparents who don’t want gc staying with them, my mum made it clear that she would never babysit under any circumstances and that was absolutely her choice. When they were small visits were limited to an hour or two and I had to do everything! It was very tricky when they were small and I was say changing a nappy whilst trying to watch other small kids at the same time or if I tried to have a coffee I was up and down while my family looked on…… My in-laws are even worse so it was just unfortunate for my dh and I .
It isn’t that we didn’t set things up properly or that we didn’t want the kids to get used to other people. Some families (hopefully unusual) simply don’t help 🤷‍♀️

if you’ve got easy children or are fortunate to get the support you need already then why not, someone with more demanding children, sleep issues etc, no support or company would probably feel differently. Parents should just go with what they feel they need and children are happy with. I would just frame it to the relative in that way, i.e. I’m really fortunate that I get a bit of free time as it is and the kids are quite easy going, nap etc, so so far I’m not needing to use babysitters and really do enjoy the time I do spend with them’

You just can't win csn you? If you had regular sitters would be wrong.. of course they are dependent on you
. They are young amd they are yours. Just do your own thing and enjoy your children. Nothing to do with anyone else

None of our families ever helped whatsoever so you sound like you have it good with your mum. Actually it sounds like you have plenty of time away from them also and there’s nothing wrong with that .

Of course it’s a good thing to want to spend time with your very young children? Have people definitely said it’s weird or are you overthinking?

Your comment about no one offering to babysit is not really relevant though. You have to ask others, they don’t form a queue!

So do you have time without them when they are in school and you aren’t working ? If so you are getting a break from work and children which means you will find it much easier when with them. It isn’t surprising that you wouldn’t need a break. For me it’s the business of working a lot and 3 kids not the kids , I also found my kids easiest in primary school age.

I don't think it's weird at all. You seem to love your children and value your family time. You being dependant on a child is weird statement for them to make.

Working full time doesnt mean you spend 'most' of the 5 days away from the kids, there are as many waking hours outside work as there are working hours.
But I do understand completely working parents wanting to maximise time with their kids.

"unsupervised access"??....Omg, that's the question that crosses your mind how bizarre! Meanwhile in the real world children spend quality time with loving Grandparents all the time. I'm 55 and I spent weekends with my Gran all the time growing up.

My best memories of grandparents are when I had alone time with them. It was really speacial. I think one on one time in any relationship is important

I was too shattered to go out when mine were little and I was working. My partner did though. We didnt have family to babysit locally and couldn't afford babysitters so took it in turns to go out if we did though I probably used my time for meetings / volunteering and work. I can count on one hand the number of times we went out together when ours were under 12- it was usually is my Mum/Brother were staying. Amongst my friends most people went out a lot more either together or apart. I'm quite introverted though.

I find this such a strange question, grandparents spending one on one time with children is normal and can be the most wonderful thing. I loved my time I had with all my grandparents and would never think my mum asking to take the kids out is “unsupervised access”, really strange, my mum loves my kids as much as me and have a lovely relationship

I agree. You sound lovely and completely reasonable OP. And you have patiently answered everything you have been asked. You do what you bloody well want to. ❤️

I think AI perhaps did screw you over a bit here!
Definitely sounds like you are just someone who likes staying in... and that is lovely. Whoever in your life has a problem with it is being ridiculous unless there is some massive missing context here!

The only person who ever babysit my kids was my Mum, 2 or 3 times per year. I didn't have anyone else I felt comfortable asking and I didn't want to impose on her as it seemed like a lot for an older person. The DC were my/DH's responsibility. We did leave them with her once over a weekend for a wedding and the youngest went down with chicken pox.

It is entirely reasonable to enjoy spending time with your children and to want to make the most of it whenever you have the chance.

I do think it would be wrong to frame your preferences as any sort of flex around the extent of your love for and bonding with your children. Not sure this is where you were going with your post but I have sometimes encountered mums who talk about women who enjoy nights out or solo hobbies as though they are somehow selfish for doing so. I strongly disagree that this is the case. I know some parents get the balance wrong and genuinely do end up neglecting their kids because they'd always rather be doing something else and leaving them with other people than spending quality time with them. However, there are a wide range of positions available that don't reach this extreme. Of course it always seems to be the mum who gets demonised for whatever she wants to do and not the dad.

Nor do I get how time spent hanging out at home whilst your kids are asleep is anything to do with enjoying spending time with your children. Unless they are frequent night-wakers (which is a whole other thing), you could at this point go out and leave someone else to babysit with no impact on your quality time with your children. Obviously if there's not that much that interests you outside of your home that you could do of an evening, or if you're feeling too tired from work and parenting to be arsed to go out, that is fine. Maybe you and your DH would just rather spend your quality time at home together. That is cool. It's not about your kids per se though. Personally I'd love to go out to the cinema or a gig or the theatre or the pub 2-3 times a week with my DH if I could, but a) I'd be too tired and burnt out to enjoy it at the moment and b) I couldn't get anyone I trusted to babysit for me anything like that often and c) anyone I trust who will babysit at all understandably wants to spend time with my DD before she goes to sleep, which forces me to either play host to them before I go out or to leave early and miss my DD's bedtime. As a grumpy buggar, I don't like those options, and that's why DH and I almost never go out together alone.

We were "boring" too. Rarely went out together after having kids, rarely went out separately. I think I've only ever been to one gig, theatre once. My mum did babysit about 5 times when kids were little because she worked full time and wasn't in good health so wasn't really up to it unless the kids were asleep and she didn't drive so wasn't worth the effort for any of us.
I am one of those weird folk who loved school holidays so I could be with my kids and none of my friends did as they always found it an inconvenience. I think probably because i had a car and we could go all over and they were stuck in one place. We were happy then and we're happy now and our eldest is 37, still don't go out on an evening. So long as op is happy it's nobody else's business.
Before kids we were never in so probably got it all out of our system.

I have a friend who never left their children alone and when they got older she couldn’t leave them as they got so used to her being there she couldn’t leave them and could never do anything for herself. It was sad but her own fault really

If they aren’t offering it’s a moot point.
But I do think grandparents seeing them at your house versus 1-1 time is different.
I wouldn’t see it as rude. If they are bringing it up say would you like to do something just you and dc. Let me know.
I do think never socialising outside house with just your dh is unusual and it’s easy to lose sight of yourselves as a couple. What did you enjoy doing together pre dc?