AIBU to prefer time with my children over using babysitters?

I don't think it's always that black and white though...some grandparents just aren't very child orientated or interested/relatable etc and kids will pick up on that.I wouldn't want to leave my children in the care of someone who didn't want to be looking after them.Left DD1 ONCE with the in-laws whilst in hospital having DD2..they were ringing after awhile asking when we were coming home as they were tired (they weren't very old so wasn't that).They also moaned about having to look after their other grandchild who they had quite regularly.

I thought that’s what you meant when you said you have no one to trust, I suppose I am close with my cousin but wouldn’t trust him with my 5 year old but can you not trust any family member when your kids are in bed?

I don't have anyone confident enough to babysit but my little one does go to our local hospice for a couple of nights most months. His care is literally 24/7, his medication routine starts at midnight with multiple meds given every 2-3 hours, he is fed for around 20 hours a day meaning I need to change his milk every 4 hours even overnight and he needs turning when in bed to prevent pressure sores (he can't turn himself). Without a couple of days off a month I would be completely broken.

Not weird but from my experience being a child it is a good idea to introduce some childcare that is not one of you. My parents did not do that and then when I was older tried to leave me overnight and I found it very hard, even though I was I was used to a childminder it was the night thing. However that may have just been my autism and needing to get used to change.

Isn’t this what everyone does?!

you’re saying - either you or your husband goes out and of course the other has the kids. And if you go out together , you get family to babysit? I feel like this is totally normal and not martyr like?

if you’re saying- you and your husband are invited places like weddings, social stuff with friends and you are turning it down as you want to spend all your time with your kids then that’s different?

I loved the fact grandparents and other relatives got to spoil our child and they all got to spend time together yes shock horror even overnights

Who said I do not have close family?

@Swissmeringue

Babysitters don't have to be teenagers?

The ones we have have been nursery workers, TAs, and our current one is a teacher

My kids are 8 and 4 and we've never used a babysitter. They are both really confident and independent for their ages, DD (8) skipped off for a 2 night brownie camp with no issues and has recently started having sleepovers happily. DS (4) goes to preschool and happily goes for the occasional playdate without me if it's a family we know well. DH and I do go out separately, but for the most part we're happy to take them along to things we want to do, or hang out at home together after they are in bed. It's just never been an issue. Maybe because I think 4 is the youngest age I'd leave them with a teenage babysitter and DS was born when DD was 4, and now I'm pregnant again. By the time this one is old enough maybe DD can be the babysitter!

I had a wonderful childhood spending regular time alone with my grandparents; afternoons after school and entire weekends at least once a month. Our daughter has had the same, and stays at my parents once a week overnight, and goes to her other grandparents once a week after school. She also goes ion holiday with my parents for a week in the summer and we go away as a couple at the same time.

that said if this is working for you, then providing the kids aren’t clingy and you’re aware they will eventually want to do things without you, that’s fine. I assume you make sure the grandparents get plenty of time to see the kids?

I thought the same when reading the thread title, but on opening the thread I think they are just wanting reassurance its OK to say no to a family member that is pressuring them.

Each to their own! I adore my two! It’s my oxygen but we rely on our nanny a lot. Due to work shifts. And we both have lives and hobbies outside of our children. (and they will too once old enough) so we maintained keeping those interests. We still watch the F1 racing abroad every year! Whether that’s Bahrain or Europe that’s 3 days sans kids! 6 nation, Brit awards, gigs etc! Comedy club once a month on a Friday. I have no family locally to babysit and neither does he! Currently on holiday at the moment with my mum travelling over 11 hours from abroad to look after our dog :)
she has always done this funnily enough doesn’t do it fir her only grandkids!

hard for us to comment as the people around you know you best!

I think it's lovely you want to spend time with your children. I always spend time with my kids too. We are a happy unit with each other and personally I'd never pay for someone else to watch my kids. They come to all events, shopping trips etc with me. They are usually very well behaved so it's a pleasure to have them with us. It sounds like you have a beautiful family and you enjoy spending time together. Children are not Children forever so I say spend as much time with them as you can while they are still young. This comment from your family member is unneeded and a little strange. Carry on doing what your doing.

Does the person that made this comment, often offer to babysit? If they mention again, say actually can u look after them for a few hours this Saturday night then? 🤪

Going by previous threads on MN. In these situations they’re just being manipulative and selfish as they want time with your young children. They will also have old fashioned expectations of how children should behave and discipline them as such. It’s not because they care about you or your children. They comment about making your children dependent on you. Children are dependent which is why parents have to parent 🤷🏼‍♀️

They’re the weird one.

Sounds like your mum actually babysits quite a lot OP, just not at night time.

Your life sounds lovely op! We dont use regular childcare either but in-laws do have ds an overnight in the holidays whist I’m at work and that’s quite nice as we get the evening just dh and I. And not rushing in the morning.
Pil never offer though we do ask.
if it comes up again I’d say, you never offer to have kids so I assumed you weren’t bothered.

This is where the balance is definitely needed!

OP - I don't like leaving my DC other than nursery. We've had the very odd, very rare date night. I had a bad childhood so I am always conscious DC feel settled and love above all else.

But seeing what firstlove2009 has just said has made me think a bit. Maybe we need a mixture of being there a lot, and them seeing what healthy independence looks like.

Perfectly fine if that works for you! We have never used babysitters, only had family babysit on a very rare occasion. I think the PIL's had a different picture of being grandparents and expected they would be babysitting all the time, but we were never people who went out much in the evenings so wouldn't necessarily begin to do so now.
We have used the odd nursery day to go on a spa day which has been fab though!

I didn't use babysitters and very rarely had any family help with our three. They certainly didn't become dependent on me/us as they grew up.

I don't see why this person is so put out that you are not using babysitters. How does it affect them? Tell them to wind their neck in.

You sound like us, we have only asked for grandparents to babysit like twice, they do go to nanny and grandad on Thursdays.in school holidays to help cover the days as annual leave doesn't stretch far enough, but we enjoy spending our time with our kids, but no one has an issue with it either

You are not being unreasonable. That's quite a shocking comment from your family member! It's just your value system. You are simply not desperate to go out with your husband and instead find that quality time at home. Nothing wrong with that. I am fairly similar. The only people who have babysat our kids are my parents and they don't love doing it of an evening so we rarely do it unless a big milestone event for friends etc. I wouldn't want somebody unknown to look after my children anyway. I think it's lovely that you're such a present and available parent creating strong secure attachments. The total opposite in fact to what your family member was trying to suggest. Bonkers comment

Before independence comes dependence.

It's not weird you love your life, you sound happy and like you understand it's a season. It will come to an end.
My sister's in laws stake wild claims about their access to her child. They are rude and unreliable and it's not about her or offering support. It's about them and wanting to be needed and in control.

If she asks for babysitting they let her down.

If you are happy don't change.
If you are missing out on a date night out of the house and this is an immature way for them to offer, perhaps take them up on it if you want to.
I won't pretend them making accusations of dependency sounds supportive but you know them in real life so thats going to be a more complex situation than a Mumsnet post I'm sure.

They started it to be goady

That’s a shame you don’t have close family