Page 2 | AIBU to want to leave our unlicensed rental before tensions worsen?

Tiredboymum22 · 2026-08-29T10:32:00+00:00

Our family have been renting for seven years and we haven’t had much luck. We lived somewhere for just under 4 years before our landlord decided to sell the property. We moved somewhere else before being given notice after 6 months. I really wanted to try for a council house and move into temporary accommodation but DH refused as we had a newborn baby so we borrowed money off my mum for a bond and moved into a tiny cottage type house that was out the way for me as I don’t have a car. I was miserable there as the living room wasn’t big enough to swing a cat and it was difficult living there as a family of four. A family member asked us if we wanted to live in her partner’s house that was in town, closer to the school, and much more spacious. We moved in about 2 years ago and have been paying below market price in rent. He’s been very good with repairs, etc., and left us furniture and everything in good working order. We were under the impression it was a long term let as he wanted to keep this house for his daughter. Anyway, he gave us notice this summer as his relationship broke down unexpectedly and he has nowhere to stay with his kids. We were going to apply for social housing and he was willing to help us before he found out he’d get in a lot of trouble for renting to us unlicensed. Since then he’s had trouble getting landlord insurance and there’s no way for him to register now without getting in a lot of trouble. I’ve told DH that we should try and leave. The alternative is that we stay for as long as possible and the house either gets repossessed or he pays a hefty fine and can evict us properly. I know that legally he doesn’t have a leg to stand on but I feel like the decent thing to do is to try find somewhere as the latter could take years and cause tension within the family. The boys’ bedroom is still painted pink and has his daughter’s bed in it. The boys want a bunk bed and a more boyish room but I don’t want to dismantle her bed and paint the room knowing he’s trying to move back. DH doesn’t care and says he has no empathy for him as essentially he committed tax fraud. I just want to be done with the whole situation but I can’t move somewhere private with DH who just won’t compromise. AIBU or is DH being unreasonable?

Backedoffhackedoff · 31/08/2026 19:12

I doubt he’ll be in any real trouble. Renting without a landlord license if your council requires one isn’t particularly serious when you’re exiting anyway. They won’t inform HMRC, they share information that way.

but regardless, I think you’re right and DH is wrong and unkind/ ungrateful

SpareMe · 31/08/2026 19:09

In my opinion, in all the ways that matter this man has behaved well and done you a solid. You are absolutely right. Your husband is ABSOLUTELY wrong.

The moral argument is unambiguous
it would be indefensible to hold him to ransom over this

Though I appreciate it is a big upheaval for you.

He helped you out of a temporary fix. Time to move on and do the decent thing.

Keroppi · 31/08/2026 19:06

Tell your mum and landlord that DH is threatening to report him but you and the kids are wanting to move back to mums ASAP. Get packing tonight!

Can't your landlord/male members of family go in and throw DH out and change the locks? It's a joke, you do a good turn for someone and then they try and report you and take you to court. What a twat your DH is. Two years of below market rate and not raised enough money to move on. And you definitely will need to try and get your license/get back to driving as you will need it

You might need to try and find somewhere smaller within budget. And you can go on housing list anyway

Maybe reach out for support from llamau, I used to work alongside them and they are great

https://www.llamau.org.uk/
https://www.huggard.org.uk/
https://search.sheltercymru.org.uk/?yp_services=grass-roots

Home | The Huggard

Huggard Here in an Emergency.Working to end homelessness for good.Every Day and Night.Be part of the solution to homelessness in Cardiff & South Wales - ...

https://www.huggard.org.uk

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 31/08/2026 19:05

Stressedandgrey · 31/08/2026 18:39

I used to be married to someone like this.
What he is doing to you is coercive control. It's all your fault... Your fault for wanting to move there, then your fault for wanting to move out. I also see you are scared of him seeing the thread. What will happen if he does?

I am not surprised your mum is trying to support you to leave him.

I would move back to your mums. Your husband sounds like my ex, all this 'I'll just make this happen, or that happen' is not as straightforward in real life.

I think in your shoes I would speak to your landlord and explain how awful your DH is being and that your are leaving him. Explain that you have asked him to do the right thing and he's taking no notice.

You are not responsible for your husband's actions and decisions.

You will absolutely be able to build a life for you and your kids, especially with your mums support.

You can do this and not be dragged down by his nastiness any more ,

Edited

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I agree with this completely. Also, him thinking he can just stay there and the council will give him, a man on his own, a flat 🤦🏻‍♀️. He’s delusional as well as a prick and a shit father.

I wonder why so many people in his life aren’t speaking to him. It’s a mystery.

Beachtastic · 31/08/2026 19:01

Please leave him, OP. Finding a place to live is the least of your problems. I'm so sorry.

Stressedandgrey · 31/08/2026 18:39

Tiredboymum22 · 31/08/2026 17:50

Unfortunately there’s no more I can do and I just have to forget all about this and our LL. Asked DM if we’d be okay to move in and save money for a deposit on another private rental and she said yes. DH refuses and said the minute I leave with the kids (ending the tenancy) here, he reports our LL to HMRC and the local council. That way he stays in the house and eventually applies for a council house once it gets repossessed! I’m so fucking upset and I don’t know how to get past this!

My head is a mess and I can’t believe he’s consider doing that to me! On the other hand, he thinks AIBU to consider separating him from the kids or living separately!

Going to delete this thread in a min in case he sees it all.

Thanks for advice people. Clearly I’ve fucked my life and finances up enough to get myself into this situation so I’m just going to have to stay and save as much as possible!

I used to be married to someone like this.
What he is doing to you is coercive control. It's all your fault... Your fault for wanting to move there, then your fault for wanting to move out. I also see you are scared of him seeing the thread. What will happen if he does?

I am not surprised your mum is trying to support you to leave him.

I would move back to your mums. Your husband sounds like my ex, all this 'I'll just make this happen, or that happen' is not as straightforward in real life.

I think in your shoes I would speak to your landlord and explain how awful your DH is being and that your are leaving him. Explain that you have asked him to do the right thing and he's taking no notice.

You are not responsible for your husband's actions and decisions.

You will absolutely be able to build a life for you and your kids, especially with your mums support.

You can do this and not be dragged down by his nastiness any more ,

Justbrieme · 31/08/2026 18:26

MargaretThursday · 29/08/2026 11:41

So roughly

You've had 2 years paying below market rent because the house you could afford was too small. Despite paying below market rent, and having furnishings you've had all the repairs done etc.

Your relative will be homeless if you insist on staying.

And your dh thinks your relative is unreasonable?

Wow!

This.

Happyjoe · 31/08/2026 18:21

Ah, repaying kindness with entitlement. Always pisses me off.
Why did you not apply for a council house over the last few years?

KnewYearKnewMe · 31/08/2026 18:18

Why are you referencing HMRC?

Any rules regarding rentals in Wales are completely separate from HMRC.

The homeowner does need to declare income, but whether he owes anything is another matter. And if he’s only be letting it for 2 years, he may only be one assessment year behind.

Original poster

Tiredboymum22 · 31/08/2026 18:17

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 18:13

Wither way the LL is fucked!

I hope he just moves back into his home and faces the consequences which I don’t think k will be that bad.

Your DH is vile!

Im not sure why you can only prove 2 years of rental payments, those were the cheap years you’ve had, did the place before give notice because you didn’t pay the rent?

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Not at all! We’ve never missed a rent payment here or anywhere else!

OP posts:

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 18:13

Tiredboymum22 · 31/08/2026 17:50

Unfortunately there’s no more I can do and I just have to forget all about this and our LL. Asked DM if we’d be okay to move in and save money for a deposit on another private rental and she said yes. DH refuses and said the minute I leave with the kids (ending the tenancy) here, he reports our LL to HMRC and the local council. That way he stays in the house and eventually applies for a council house once it gets repossessed! I’m so fucking upset and I don’t know how to get past this!

My head is a mess and I can’t believe he’s consider doing that to me! On the other hand, he thinks AIBU to consider separating him from the kids or living separately!

Going to delete this thread in a min in case he sees it all.

Thanks for advice people. Clearly I’ve fucked my life and finances up enough to get myself into this situation so I’m just going to have to stay and save as much as possible!

Wither way the LL is fucked!

I hope he just moves back into his home and faces the consequences which I don’t think k will be that bad.

Your DH is vile!

Im not sure why you can only prove 2 years of rental payments, those were the cheap years you’ve had, did the place before give notice because you didn’t pay the rent?

LittlestBoho · 31/08/2026 18:12

Your husband is scum.

He is using the threat of screwing over your family member to force you to comply with his unreasonable demands.

In your situation I would do the following:

give your LL all the advice upthread about regularising this house as a rental, just so he's not legally exposed.
you and the kids move in with your mum.
your DH stays in the house or finds his own place. If he stays in the house the LL will now be able to evict him without legal penalties.
Split up with your husband and apply to social housing as a single mum.

Shangle · 31/08/2026 18:07

Why is he being so stubborn about this?

Original poster

Tiredboymum22 · 31/08/2026 17:51

He thinks iabu*

OP posts:

Original poster

Tiredboymum22 · 31/08/2026 17:50

Unfortunately there’s no more I can do and I just have to forget all about this and our LL. Asked DM if we’d be okay to move in and save money for a deposit on another private rental and she said yes. DH refuses and said the minute I leave with the kids (ending the tenancy) here, he reports our LL to HMRC and the local council. That way he stays in the house and eventually applies for a council house once it gets repossessed! I’m so fucking upset and I don’t know how to get past this!

My head is a mess and I can’t believe he’s consider doing that to me! On the other hand, he thinks AIBU to consider separating him from the kids or living separately!

Going to delete this thread in a min in case he sees it all.

Thanks for advice people. Clearly I’ve fucked my life and finances up enough to get myself into this situation so I’m just going to have to stay and save as much as possible!

OP posts:

Phineyj · 31/08/2026 13:02

Pansykavalier · 31/08/2026 08:48

Have you spoken to CAB and/or Shelter yet? Those are the obvious starting points for advice.

What kind of tenancy agreement do you actually have - is it a standard AST? If you are named on it, you giving notice will end the tenancy for both of you.

NB: With the Renters Rights Act, landlords are no longer allowed to ask for 6 months rent in advance. Nor are they allowed to discriminate against recipients of UC or other benefits. Also, landlords can no longer give notice except in very specific circumstances, such as non-payment of rent or wanting to sell up.

The Renters' Rights Act mostly doesn't apply to Wales as housing is a devolved matter. She [and the landlord] need specific advice for Wales.

LittleBearPad · 31/08/2026 09:54

TunnocksOrDeath · 31/08/2026 09:02

That's going to bite them in the arse if the Landlord is asked to provide evidence that they were all actually living there together (council tax bill, his banks statements etc.)
Also if lodgers pay more than £7,500 a year you still need to let HMRC know, so they might decide to fine him anyway (assuming rent for this whole house was more than £7.5k a year).
He needs to stop compounding this mess, come clean, mention to everyone he speaks to at every organisation that he was just trying to help out his relative, which might make them go a bit easier on him, pay any fine, and move on.

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Telling HMRC will result in him having to pay the tax owing plus interest. If the rent was under market and he’s got allowable expenses it may not be that much.

Agreed he need to put whatever paperwork is missing in place asap and then evict the OP and her horrible husband.

Shangle · 31/08/2026 09:26

This man is not the OPs relative. Hes her relatives ex

comeoncolleen · 31/08/2026 09:08

TunnocksOrDeath · 31/08/2026 09:02

That's going to bite them in the arse if the Landlord is asked to provide evidence that they were all actually living there together (council tax bill, his banks statements etc.)
Also if lodgers pay more than £7,500 a year you still need to let HMRC know, so they might decide to fine him anyway (assuming rent for this whole house was more than £7.5k a year).
He needs to stop compounding this mess, come clean, mention to everyone he speaks to at every organisation that he was just trying to help out his relative, which might make them go a bit easier on him, pay any fine, and move on.

Show quote history

You are probably right. What a mess.
I did a similar thing for a young relative for a while , accepting a low rent for a small flat, and now feel relieved that we created a proper contract and I declared the income for tax. It's clearly a nightmare if you fudge it, not just for the landlord.

KippyMcKippy · 31/08/2026 09:03

Your husband sounds like a really horrible person. . It’s crazy that your Mum has a five bedroom house but you still prefer to screw over your family member while he has to rent a caravan to hang out with his kids. All because he did you a massive favour.

TunnocksOrDeath · 31/08/2026 09:02

comeoncolleen · 30/08/2026 22:41

I was thinking that he might be worried about the tax if he has to declare the income, and hasn't been paying tax.
Hopefully calling this a lodging agreement will work for OP, good idea.

Show quote history

That's going to bite them in the arse if the Landlord is asked to provide evidence that they were all actually living there together (council tax bill, his banks statements etc.)
Also if lodgers pay more than £7,500 a year you still need to let HMRC know, so they might decide to fine him anyway (assuming rent for this whole house was more than £7.5k a year).
He needs to stop compounding this mess, come clean, mention to everyone he speaks to at every organisation that he was just trying to help out his relative, which might make them go a bit easier on him, pay any fine, and move on.

duckfordinner · 31/08/2026 08:55

birdling · 29/08/2026 11:41

Since you have also benefited from this arrangement, it would be rather mean to drop him in it.
Start looking for somewhere else.

This! Just proves again that no good deed goes
unpunished

Pansykavalier · 31/08/2026 08:48

Have you spoken to CAB and/or Shelter yet? Those are the obvious starting points for advice.

What kind of tenancy agreement do you actually have - is it a standard AST? If you are named on it, you giving notice will end the tenancy for both of you.

NB: With the Renters Rights Act, landlords are no longer allowed to ask for 6 months rent in advance. Nor are they allowed to discriminate against recipients of UC or other benefits. Also, landlords can no longer give notice except in very specific circumstances, such as non-payment of rent or wanting to sell up.

musicandmen · 31/08/2026 08:37

Couple of things - he can say he wasn’t a landlord because it was family living in the property - it’s seen differently especially if you didn’t have an official AST and were paying less than market value rent.
he can right you a letter to say that due to circumstances he needs his home back therefore you are no longer able to live there, as there isn’t enough space for everyone this would not be an official eviction notice because you are not officially landlord/tenant but it will help you get bumped up the council list.

Phineyj · 31/08/2026 08:30

SleeplessRoads · 30/08/2026 22:14

Some areas do require a landlord licence (Leeds for example). They are expensive and meeting relevant licensing requirements is a term of my landlord’s insurance.

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She's in Wales where they do have a licensing system ('Rent Smart Wales') which is enforced, although their main focus (obviously) is on landlords renting places not fit for habitation. As pp said, presumably this guy could come clean, do paperwork, pay a fine and it could all be sorted in a few months for him.