AIBU to think people are less sociable and friendly nowadays?

Harsh comments - which I think proves your question..... I absolutely agree, people are far more self absorbed, rude & impolite these days. I work in hospitality (after giving up a senior NHS role) & I'm amazed how badly people behave.....& I thought I'd seen the worst of it.

I think in general terms, you’re right, people are much less friendly and sociable. When I was growing up, we knew everyone on our street. Now I know my immediate neighbour on one side and an elderly couple across the street. There’s less of a sense of community.

That said, sometimes people rightly just don’t want to be bothered. If I’m in the gym, I don’t want a chat. The other week, I had half hour to kill somewhere and really just wanted a coffee and to read my book; a woman insisted on making endless small talk with me for the duration.

I remember a bloke insisting on talking to me on a train one night.

I was tired, had a bit of a headache & really wanted to just gaze out of the window until I reached my stop. Even when I politely explained that, he persisted with ‘I know you said you don’t want to talk, but…’

I was worried that if I pretended to fall asleep I’d actually do it & miss my stop. In the end I got off early & ran to the next carriage.

He might have been lonely, he might have had difficulties that meant he couldn’t understand I genuinely didn’t want to talk.

Not my problem. Even if I hadn’t felt rough, chatting with strange blokes has never once ended well.

I also think there has been a shift in how females are now allowed to just exist, like the way makes always have. My DDs know that they do not owe anyone their time, least of all some creepy older man.
I have taught them that they have every right to point blank refuse to engage in conversations or indeed any kind of interaction.
I do make exceptions for the elderly who might be lonely.
Yes I know young people might be lonely but I’m not the world’s saviour. My own peace is worth more than that.

The attitude of some of the extroverts on this thread that they feel introverts are unreasonable for not wanting to be besties immediately has been interesting.

I now know that I can be rude to people who do that as they clearly don’t respect me or my right not to have some stranger bending my ear.

Are you saying the person looking out the window was in the wrong because she didn’t know how to deal with it? Wow.

As for chatting on a forum, do you not see the difference between that and being bothered by a stranger in real life? If I choose to post on the internet then it is exactly that - a choice. If some randomer insists on talking at me in real life then it’s harder to extract myself

Tbf I often have a lot to cram into my work break. I might need to make phone calls or reply to text messages, then on straight back having to work.
I’m afraid I really, really do not like having my personal space invaded.
I absolutely hate strangers sitting next to me. The only way I can tolerate it is if the train or bus is rammed and there are no other spare seats.
I’m not looking for small talk. I like peace and quiet. I have a full on job and want to unwind without some randomer forcing me to have a conversation. That may come across as rude. I do reply to people but that’s it.

And I might not, what could I possibly get out of it ?

Several people have explained upthread that before mobiles there were books and magazines. Also headphones.

Could you please explain why not wanting to be talked at by some stranger is so bad? I’m genuinely interested to know why your need to bother people trumps their need to be left alone.

I also chat to my neighbours a lot, and also sometimes to people I meet out and about. However that is totally different to sitting on a bus or somewhere like a cafe and having complete strangers feeling they need to save me from my loneliness when I'm not lonely. If someone sits next to me on a bus because there are no other seats and wants to chat I am happy to, I just don't want people pouncing on me because they think I must want company

I like interacting with people but I agree that you sound too intense. I like time by myself and don't want complete strangers making conversation every time I am sitting alone (which I do a lot). I say hello to lots of people and am happy with a brief chat, what I don't want is people seeing me sitting alone with my thoughts and thinking I am desperate for company when I'm not.

Exactly.

I’ve taken buses all my life and before mobiles were the norm, it was often a handful of people talking and most people either reading (book, newspaper, magazine), sleeping, listening to music on headphoness, or staring out the window. I’ve been on buses in different countries and it isn’t that much different, it is usually silent.

I would fake being nice to you in those instances but I think it sounds like it’s all very forced. You can take your time and let these things come naturally. Like at the gym, I didn’t talk to anyone for a couple of weeks, the odd smile then slowly the odd comment about how hard it was then eventually a bit more. No one wants forcing Into a conversation. It’s not rude, it’s just a bit of an invasion if you do it so forcefully

You’re still trying to make friends like a child would. I wish it was still that easy! Adults are very guarded. You’re just appearing out of nowhere and asking them their name. You need to play it cool!

Not everyone raises their dc like you have!

I think people are very time poor today & often in a rush so have lower tolerance for chit chat

Surely you must understand that not everyone is or wants to be sociable? They just want to be able to go to their fitness class or sit on the bus in peace without feeling like they have to entertain a stranger in small talk.

You sound intense which can also be off putting for some people.

That conversation with a random as you put it might turn into a nice chat . You might be glad you had it.

Yes weird, they can chat to strangers on a forum, but not people on real life. Great skills not

Why ever not. Nothing wrong with chatting in the bus . We are all just human beings in this planet. It can add to the day

Your not being unreasonable opit's people they too bloody into their phones rather than make conversation with real life people it's sad
Person looking out the window has a fault she didn't know how to play it or what to say.

To be fair she was polite to the OP and it should have been clear that she didn’t want to engage but the OP didn’t take the hint, to the point of actually sitting at her table after she had clearly indicated she didn’t want talk. Was she supposed to continue to engage with someone who was bothering her?

I’m in my sixties and don’t do any SM (unless MN counts) I am definitely not attached to my phone.

I would find your “approaches” intrusive and rude. I wouldn’t welcome them at all. Tbh I would think you were a bit odd.

Could you be the problem? Just saying. There's a pattern forming.

Example one was a bit rude, but maybe she was stressed and trying to deal with something, sometimes I have specific things I need to sort on my lunch and just laser focus on those.

I would have been friendlier than the other two reactions, but honestly I don’t want to be making small talk in those situations you have mentioned, if you catch me on a good day I may have a short conversation on the bus if I am with DD, but as a rule/if I am on my own those will be rare times to myself. Also, I am doing a terrible job of maintaining my existing friendships, I don’t have much spare social battery for strangers that I likely will never see again.

I’ve never been massively social, always been an introvert but even less social nowadays. i think it’s a mix of being older, life being busier with more responsibilities/less time to myself, less bothered about people pleasing, the world being so much faster and louder, and of course social media (though I’m not a massive social media person)

Try not to take it personal OP

It’s always been the social convention in the U.K. not to talk on public transport. Even groups that know each other (eg families) will talk quieter if they are talking.

The tube is famous for it
https://www.standard.co.uk/comment/tube-rules-eating-food-london-underground-b1208179.html

and it largely applies to other public transport as well (trains, buses).

you are allowed to speak to other people on public transport but usually both parties are aware it’s breaking the unwritten convention and any cue that one party wants to stop will instantly lead to stop.

How about this one?

"Please, no small talk. I'm fine with silence. Let's just vibe."