AIBU to think people are less sociable and friendly nowadays?

I disagree. It isn't screens necessarily.

I used to take a book or a magazine on the bus, train or even just to a café or a bench in the park and read.

It meant I was enjoying my time to myself and DIDN'T WANT TO BE INTERRUPTED.

I’ve always tried to be friendly to new people at work, but perhaps this woman did genuinely need to use her breaks to sort something out in her personal life?

The woman in the fitness class could of been friendlier from what you’ve said, but I suppose your want to interact doesn’t trump her want to be left alone. Which I guess proves your point in that example.

The bus thing sounds weird on your part to be honest though. I would not be impressed if someone sat next to me if there were free seats around. I like to sit alone on the bus. If all the other seats were taken and someone sat next to me I would have engaged in polite conversation if they tried though. As long as it was only a short journey. A long one I would have let them know I wanted to listen to some music.

God I miss social distancing so much. People giving each other space, no hugging, not being able to casually touch a stranger’s arm to get their attention… apart from the whole killer virus bit it was amazing.

It’s more likely a geographical thing than an age thing. The only people I know that routinely did it would be my grandmother’s generation (so born in the early 1900s). My parents are in their 80s and wouldn’t dream of doing it

Firstly, I think that the OP has good intentions and I do feel for them, as it can be hard to navigate an increasingly isolated society. If people were a bit less self focused the world may be a better place for all of us.

With that in mind, i think there are a few points to think about...

1. What arises in OP's mind when they see a person on their own? Is it an urge to 'fix'their loneliness?
2. Does OP have a problem with just sitting with quiet? If so, is that something to work on.
3. If the OP has an issue w silence, wondering what that is about. Does the OP feel a duty to fill the gap?
4. Consider whether the craving to have connection causes unhappiness, when others dont reciprocate.

I try my best to work using this model for conversation... is what you are saying...

• Truthful as far as you know
• Helpful to the other person in some way
• Inspiring, does it make people more positive or feel inspired?
• Necessary, do you need to say it? What is the purpose?
• Kind, does it come from a place of good will?

Most of us yabber on [me included!] with no real thought about the above. As I often say, yes everyone has a right to speak freely, and sometimes its wise to know when to keep it quiet.

Hoping that helps or makes sense OP.

I'm exhausted, in menopause, and watching the world go to shit a bit more every day. I'm not using energy I barely have to speak to strangers on the bus.

Read the room and people's cues.

Do you really think PP's mum would describe it as verbal diarrhoea though? Or do you think she would describe it as being friendly and just chatting away in the shop? Similar to OP. Sometimes people lack self awareness.

I found years ago that people started being friendly to you at work when they know you are sticking around and it's more of a gradual acceptance.

Talking on buses and at bus stops etc is done more up north than down south in England. Generally the etiquette though is that you don't sit next to someone if lots of other seats are available.

DS 2 gets people chatting to him and he doesn’t encourage it at all. Mostly he wished they didn’t as one tried to sell him some drugs and another one asked him for money! I guess he tries to stay away from such folk, but I joked he must have a friendly face..
I had a chat to a lady at the bus stop the other day , but we were a similar age ( old) and she was asking about the bus route changes and we got talking, but I wouldn’t strike up a conversation with a young person mostly because they usually wear head phones or ear buds as well.

You are way too full on, OP. I'm old, but I wouldn't be happy if a complete stranger started asking me lots of questions. If I'm on a bus, I just want to daydream and enjoy a few minutes' peace - I'd also ignore a total stranger who wanted to chat.
Acquaintance/friendship needs to develop more slowly and organically.

It’s the damn phones

Maybe you are just too happy. I can't cope with overly happy people 😂

I don't agree at all it's an age thing, most of us older people will talk the hind leg off a donkey. I'm on Merseyside, though. The one thing I missed during Covid was the chats at the bus stop with older people. My granddaughter was a toddler and used to say, hello, to everyone getting on the bus, it was social distanced, but it started conversations. Covid did changed things, though. However I'd say don't bombard people, introduce yourself and judge the situation. I'd had an horrendous day with my GC on Thursday and you'd have been hard pressed to get a conversation from me. Sometimes I'm knackered. People have busy lives and need to use their breaks, so slow down and read the room.

In none of these examples did the stranger 'blank' OP. She got a token response and then hurt her own feelings because she didn't read the signals/take the hint that the person didn't want to continue the interaction. Which is their right, and respecting boundaries is also part of a functional society.

Agree. Why does someone wanting to chat trump someone who doesn’t? Surely the person who is being talked to should get a say and that can be no.

They were acknowledged all three times.

Plus, OP isn’t exactly choosing the best moments to talk to people nor seems to be trying to read social cues.

I like to look out of the window on a bus, especially if I am in countryside. I like looking for pheasants, deer, foxes and anything else I can see. I hate anyone sitting next to me, which is sometimes unavoidable if the bus is crowded, but I would hate anyone actually talking to me.

I'm not unsociable, and will happily talk to people in a different situation, but not on a bus or a train.

I think people are a bit more unsociable today, but people tend to live near strangers. In the past, there were often family members living in the same street, or aunties and grannies round the corner, so people mixed more.

Then there are phones. Most people are scrolling, and don't want to be interrupted.

Before screens, I read books so I was every bit as ‘insular’. Some people just don’t like being bothered by randoms

It is about what sort of personality you have. I am only half joking about wearing a badge because the chatty people should be able to chat to each other.

However I am not bothering anyone if I am sitting on public transport minding my own business so I don’t think anyone should feel they can ruin my journey by disturbing me and forcing me to interact with them for no good reason.

Even with headphones on, facing the window and being on my phone they still somehow miss the social cues.

I just get the same vibes. The intensity of it. I don’t think it’s well regulated at all.

I completely agree with you, OP.

Screens have made a lot of people boring and insular, and it seems they are happy with that.

The conversational skills of your average person are sadly lacking

I would have far rather talked to you than quietly seethe about ,eg, the cretins 'loudcasting' on the next table.

It’s possible you’re not reading their cues early enough

I do exactly the same as you and sometimes people want to chat and sometimes they don’t . The problem is you’re personalising it, they are STRANGERS to you and don’t owe you anything. It’s definitely not about YOU so try really hard not to take it personally

I view it as a real bonus if people chat to me, I’ve literally made a friend from the bus stop

There’s nothing wrong with them, OP.

You’ve decided for them that they want to have a chat with no consideration towards if they would want the same or not.

I’m a sociable person but I would take in what a person is doing before I approach them, read their body language, their vibe, etc.

Example 1:

You saw her on her phone and decided she needed company. She was in the middle of a task and you chose to interrupt her. She had to tell you she was doing something and leave for you to leave her be.

Example 2:

Some people don’t mind a chat in such situations but for others it is likely the only thing where nothing is asked of them and they can simply work out and then go about their day. You are not entitled to a conversation. If she wasn’t answering any follow-up questions, that often means she wasn’t looking for a conversation.

Example 3:

Just why??? That woman was sitting by herself. What made you think she wanted someone sitting next to her and partake in a conversation? If there was nowhere else to sit it is different but still wasn’t rude of her or antisocial not to talk to a stranger in her commute home.

In every example you have described and even in your own post it has been about you and no thought to the women you speak of and why they wouldn’t want to chat. They don’t have to talk to you if they do not desire to.

Your new colleague was in the middle of something on her lunch break.

The woman in the gym class likely only said hi because you had and she didn’t want to be rude.

The woman on the bus was minding her own business and you decided she wanted someone to sit next to her and to talk to her. That bus ride could have been the only moment of peace she gets to herself, maybe she just wanted to stare out the window and enjoy the scenery, or didn’t have the energy to chat to someone.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to chat but you have to consider the other person and if they want to chat too.

People are not as friendly op. I am not sure why , probably lots of reasons. I met a nice couple on holiday once and they were happy to chat and talk to me and were lovely, but mostly people just seem to avoid talking to anyone or think it’s odd to chat to someone you don’t know.

The OP wasn’t talking about anything well regulated, she had the initial interaction but then kept talking and sat at the person’s table, despite it being made clear that it wasn’t welcome

So why do you do it? It isn’t for their benefit. The OP admits she’s looking for friends.

This bears no relation to what op was talking about though, does it. Op was talking about well regulated interaction, not verbal diarrhea.

I think a lot of people just want to be on their own, in their own space, in peace. I know I do. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with wanting to make friends as you clearly do but personally I would absolutely hate for someone to start talking to me the way you do.