What do you consider late?

I honestly couldn't have married someone like this. It would be such a red flag for me.

Ah but its the people who take your view who are over optimistic about how long it takes to get anywhere. People always forget to allow for finding a parking space, a bit of traffic, realising you are low on petrol & need to refuel etc. Then they arrive 15 mins late and say "i did leave at half past but the traffic on the m25 was awful". (The traffic on the m25 is always awful). The polite thing to do is to allow a bit of contigency to avoid being late all the time.

She has good ettiquett. You do not. Simple.

My in-laws are always late to everything and don't seem to care or notice. They will book a restaurant at 7, walk through the doors at 9.30 and then get angry if they refuse to seat them. I don't get it at all.

I detest lateness, its a disregard for other people's time. I would always let people know if I got held up in traffic etc. That said, i almost always aim to be early, and that way I am almost never late even if I hit a delay.

My sister can be up to two hours late, if she doesn't message and goes ten minutes over, we now leave. She has been on her last warnings this year, re meeting up with the children. We don't mind her running late, it's when we could have grabbed a drink/gone in another shop she wouldn't be interested in, but have just been stuck waiting at the meeting place, that annoys us. Since we've put boundaries in place, she now let's us know. She's sat in my house, knowing she is late going to a friend's and not cared. Because I've been subject to her, I tend to let people know I'm on my way/delayed.

I’d agree on all of these, and I’m slightly disturbed by how many people on this thread notice and judge if someone is literally one minute late! And those who say “on time is late”. I mean, it really isn’t. If you want people to arrive 5 minutes early then tell them to meet at 10.55 rather than 11.00.

5 minutes or more id def text.
2 or 3 minutes late id maybe give an update “just parking” “just off the train”
its more so they know that they won’t be waiting long and common courtesy

I'm habitually early. Can't remember the last time I was late for anything.

I wouldn't want or need a message if a friend was going to be under 20 mins late.

I'd be fairly annoyed if it got over 30 minutes. But I'm never in this situation now, everyone is pretty reliable!

I know it sounds unreasonable! Really I do.

But over nearly a 3 week period it began to feel, I don't know, somehow performative. The whole group is gathered and waiting, including the tour leader, so when this person swans serenely in to reception it's " Ok Ethel is here so now we can go". Arguably we could all have done exactly that but I guess the rest of us were of the mindset "She said to be there at 8am so we'll go down at five to."

I agree. Up to 5 minutes late - no message needed. Any time from 5 minutes late on needs one - just one - message with a realistic ETA. 5-10 minutes late is acceptable timing. 10-20 mins late is rude if for a short meet-up like a coffee or a lunch in the working day where minutes matter; but acceptable for a longer meet like a day out or a dinner. 20 minutes onwards starts to be in rudely late territory.

Keeping people up to date with things is a useful habit which you’ll find most people appreciate, I have friends who would be horrified if you turned up 10 minutes late without messaging them

If I say I will meet you at 12pm and it's 13.05, I'm late. Running late. I'd always text.

Then you wait nearby till the exact time. But you won’t be late because you are ready.

Oh yes you're right there. That's an exception!

100% this. If you’re not early you’re late.

I’d say 5 minutes or less, I wouldn’t bother letting someone know. Once I’m over the 5 minutes (or as soon as I knew I would be, if I knew in advance), I’d send a message. I give others slightly more leeway and wouldn’t be angry if they were 10 minutes late without a message.

I don’t believe people who say they’d let someone know if they were going to be a minute or two late. Absolute nonsense.

If they are bang on time then It’s weird that you would consider this in any way a flaw

Not when you have been invited to someone’s home. Being early is rude

I’m like your friend. But to a large part this stems from anxiety as I have ADHD time blindness. I try so hard to be on time and feel awful when I’m not.

No….20 mins is late. If courtesy text if we were meeting for lunch and say I’m about 15 mins away.

If I arrive somewhere I’m meeting a friend for a coffee, or a meal, or a drink, and they’re not there, I’ll text to say ‘Hi, I’m here (in case they’ve forgotten!), just getting a coffee/drink, see you inside’, and they’ll do the same.

One minute past the agreed time is late. But up to 10 minutes late can probably be forgiven, and doesn't require a message.
But generally, I consider that being late is rude, and I spend a lot of my time being early, so that I avoid it 😂

I’d give a ten minute grace but if more than that I want to know. And even if just ten minutes I’d text something like ‘just trying to find a place to park’ so they know I’ll be there shortly. It’s rude and inconsiderate to think it’s fine to rock up 20 minutes late.

Casual meet up at friends house for example in a bar or somewhere where time isnt essential I'm ok with to 10 mins either side of agreed time.

When I'm meeting friends when time is important, eg to catch a plane, to see a show etc the agreed time is paramount.