What do you consider late?

Me too.

I'm early for everything but give people 10 minutes lateness grace before I get pissed off.

The absolute worst are the people where I'm early so waiting, which is fine as it's my choice to be early but they text 'leaving now' 10 minutes before they're supposed to arrive but they're 30 mins plus away. Enrages me.

As a reformed (reforming) chronically late person, I'd say if we were meeting in, for example, on the street or in a restaurant or anything with a reservation, be there on top of the hour.

If it's less time-critical, I think 10 minutes is acceptable. Any later than that and a quick text or call is required.

However, I cannot abide the chronically early who show up 10-20 minutes in advance of something and then, when you turn up bang on the appointed time, huff and puff about waiting for aaaaages etc.

This also applies to invitations to dinner or parties at my house: if you're ringing the door bell at exactly 7pm, you will never be invited again. 7.10-7.20pm is the sweet spot (and bring wine).

I do not do late at all. I would rather be half an hour early than 1 minute late. My children are the same. Sadly DH is not and I resent the time I have spent waiting for him over the last 40 years. It would sound rediculas to say I divorced him over his time keeping I could have on a few occasions.

I’m with the OP on this one.

If i was waiting for a friend, if they were more than 5 minutes late I'd message them.

If i was going to be late, even by a minute or two, I'd message to let them know.

I hate it when people are late, I'm early 99.9% of the time

10 mins.

I can’t stand this. Being early is early, and in some circumstances can be quite rude and put a burden on the other party. Being on time is exactly that. Being late is late, and rude.

This for me. I wouldn't message saying what time I plan to leave or that I have left but would message to say I would be late.

On time is fine. I travel a lot by train/coach. Will always give my son or daughter who are expecting or meeting me updates so 'train 5mins late setting off, just at Chesterfield, 15 mins late at St P, now at Golders Green etc.' Just so they don't worry if I'm not arriving at the time expected.

Anything more than 5 minutes late needs to be signalled to anyone waiting for you. More than 15 mins without an update and I'd be gone.

My aunt was ALWAYS late meeting her sisters in town. I couldn't understand why they would wait 20, 30, 40 mins or even more. Couldn't be on time to give birth either. Had the babe, her 4th, in the ambulance. ( Ye Gods, she'd been vacuuming the sitting room! Keeping the ambulance waiting - of course. )

Late is late. As in, arriving after the agreed time. Anything more than 5 minutes I’d expect a text or phone call. Less than that I wouldn’t- I mean people’s watches might differ by as much as 2/3 minutes anyway!

My absolute hate is people who are not ready when I'm picking them up, even more so if I'm doing them a favour. Two that I won't offer lifts to again both come to the door "ready" then go back inside to do something else ... it was 30 minutes last week. Partly, it's because where i live you can't just park up and go in for a chat, you have to dodge traffic wardens.

I always notice people being 10 mins late

Anything after the agreed time is late

No idea because as I have said his parents were always punctual. And his sister is. I think it comes from working for over 30 years in the same extremely laid back office.

10 minutes late would really piss me off

20 I'd probably just leave

Late people think their time is more important than yours

I also hate lateness and am more like your friend letting them know when I am leaving. Actually I do this more with people who are always late or flake out last minute to make sure they are still coming... Their behaviour is why I know how annoying and rude it is when people just come whenever they fancy rather than appreciating the person they have arranged to meet also has other things to do.
I set my watch and clock 5 mins early, I leave 20min to 30min for traffic and public transport. If it looks like I will be 5-10 mins late I will text as soon as I realise this. It is common courtesy as others have said. If someone is waiting they may as well wait somewhere warmer/pop to the loo/do that bit of shopping etc if they know you are to be late.

Yes I understand, it must drive you nuts! Where does his ‘one hour’ belief come from?

For a paid, timed, ticketed activity, I'm always early (because otherwise I will be late). For generally meeting people or family, I'm always late, maybe 1 in 10 times I'll be early instead.

See this would annoy me. You can make the effort for a paid/timed ticketed event but not meeting family or friends?! To me its rude.

You'd never know i was early.

I wouldnt dream of knocking on your door etc.

If i was invited over at 3, and ended up 15 mins early, id park up in a nearby road (not in sight of your home) and then only come round at 3.

If we were meeting at the cinema & i arrived early, id go grab drinks/snacks etc and then meet on time.

lottiegarbanzo I am not defending his lateness, he drives me insane. I am just saying what he is like.

Their ‘fault’ in his (odd) opinion, but he’s the one missing out if they’ve already left, or don’t invite him next time. Sounds like real ‘cutting off your nose to spite your face’ behaviour. Sad.

lottiegarbanzo - For theatre, cinema etc... he is the annoying person who is last in and last minute. For casual meetings etc... he doesn't care he has left someone waiting because he argues with everyone that within the hour is on time, he insists only once you have past the hour mark are you late. He sees it as their fault if they have left.

I'm either early or a bit late. I'm almost never on time. For work I'm early, or about 2 minutes late (they don't care because I don't leave on time either). For a paid, timed, ticketed activity, I'm always early (because otherwise I will be late). For generally meeting people or family, I'm always late, maybe 1 in 10 times I'll be early instead. Usually by about 20/30 minutes. People who know me well tell me the wrong time by about half an hour, so I'll turn up when they need me to. I let people know when I'm going to be later than about 10 minutes. The times I turn up on time or early it causes confusion after many decades of lateness. I've had friends complain before because they weren't ready yet because I was more on time than normal. Happily, my friends, family and employers are all slack on timekeeping too, so it doesn't seem to cause much issue on the whole... It's just my poor grandma, so I only meet her at her house now and we travel together from there.

I try to be on time, I really do. I have an alarm that goes off every 10 minutes for the hour before I'm due to leave to keep me on track, but it still doesn't work. I just lose time and don't know how, and then that means I've missed the bus and need to wait for the next one - I can only work walking distance jobs to prevent this. I do try and keep people updated though, but much less than your friend OP! It's mostly agreed that I just let people know when I'm actually leaving to get to them though.

I was genuinely even told the wrong time for my mum's funeral to get me there on time. (I obviously then turned up over an hour before that, to make sure I didn't miss it...)

Being early is on time.

People who are chronically late consider their time to be more important than the person's they're meeting. Obviously trains are delayed, you lose your keys etc every now and then - sometimes it happens.

But if a friend is constantly 10 minutes late to meet me, they're no longer a friend.

I will acknowledge that my autism plays a role in how I perceive lateness though. I see chronic lateness as a sign of disrespect.

goodness
how on earth?
we dont all have that set up