What do you consider late?

Is your friend neurodivergent by chance. Ask me how I know 😂

I think it totally depends on the situation, but close friend who knows that I've not bailed, I'd say 15 minutes before I'd consider myself (or them) late.
I would also probably send an update if I was sat on a bus or something and had nothing better to do.

I think it depends on the occasion and how it was framed.

If it's an booked event, like a theatre, then I would definitely aim to be there well before the time we agreed to allow for hold-ups. I wouldn't want to miss a show because of traffic lights or whatever.

If it's a coffee in town then I would aim for the time agreed. I would also message whoever I am meeting to say "just left" or "on the bus". I generally get a similar message from them.

I was 15 minutes late last week to a lunch date with a friend, but I had messaged her to say I had been held up because of the bus. She messaged me to confirm where she was sitting in the venue and what drink did I want. All very civilised.

I think anytime after the start time is late but, unless it’s the theatre where you will be locked out, I don’t care about people being 5-10 mins late. If it’s a house party, barbecue I think anything up to an hour after the start time is absolutely fine.

In fact if I am having an event at home I think it’s rude for people to turn up before the start time.

@AffIt Bang on!

Depends on where we are meeting (ie how comfortable it is) and how specific we were about the time.

If standing on a street corner, then I'd message if 4-5 mins late. Sitting at a nice cafe, if more than 10 minutes late. If I'd said I would drop by her house for a cuppa at about 4, then if more than 15-20 minutes late. For dinner at theirs, if more than 20-25 minutes after notional start. At a large drinks party, if more than an hour after the notional start time. Give or take and possibly depending on the friend and how punctual they tend to be!

I consider myself to be very punctual, and I think my friends do too, though clearly some on this thread would disagree. Different norms!

You need to improve your alarm, I posted it three days ago!

My dad has always said if you aren't 5mins early then you are late. He was in the army and the police force so time is something very important to him. Even now (hes 73yrs) if (on the very rare occasion) I ask my dad to pick me up at 5pm I know to be ready by no later than 4.40pm as he will be there by 4.45 at the latest. I'm not quite as rigid but I'd say if you have arrangements to meet at say 10.00 and you aren't going to arrive before 10.00 then you would need to let the person know as a courtesy.

Depends on the friend and situation. But, I generally message if I'm running late. I also call ahead to medical appts if I'm running late to give them the opportunity to bump up the line or if I'm very late to ask if they'd prefer I re-schedule.

I really struggle if things don’t happen at the exact time agreed. Although I do accept things happen, late trains, traffic, etc. It just stresses me out, especially if I expect an event to end at a certain time, and it over runs.

But, in practice I would say 5-10 mins either way is acceptable.

Every week I take my friend food shopping, pick her up at 10 ish. I always text to say I'll be up in a minute/ might be a few minutes late, followed by one to say I'm leaving now or on the way. It makes no odds if I'm late, shops will still be there BUT the arranged time is 10 o'clock so I'll keep her informed.
I've got another friend who's always late so if we go anywhere and I'm picking her to, I text at 10/ 5 minutes to to remind her of the time, text when I'm leaving and have told her if she's not ready I'll go without her. She's always ready then!

With modern technology, good to read about your friend OP and her consideration.

Now let's have the same when you visit a hospital or a utility is coming to your house (no more morning or afternoon so-called appointments).

I do what your friend does. Keeps people updated. If I don’t text and don’t turn up when I’ve said I left an hour ago my friend is going to (hopefully) sound the alarm a lot more quickly than if I don’t keep them updated. Saying you are going to be late even if it’s just a minute is courtesy. I hate being late even a little bit it’s so rude

I find that people are a lot more relaxed about being late than they are about being held up by others being late. 😄

More people should be as conscientious and considerate as your friend. Treasure her.

This, although ten minutes early would be in my margin of error…unless it’s to my house when I’d welcome them being a bit late over early every single time. Don’t arrive somewhere half an hour early and then pester me every few minutes to see where I am!

Depends on the context for me.

If I'm meeting friends I know well for coffee/a drink locally, I wouldn't expect an update if they're up to 10 mins late. Normally we arrange to meet within a 15-minute window anyway. e.g. let's meet about 7.15-30. I would send an update if I expected to be more than 5-10 minutes late.

If it's someone I don't know that well, it probably changes things, thinking about it, e.g. set time, rather than a range; I'd be on time and would expect the same of them and update if only a couple of minutes late.

If a long journey (90-minute drive plus) is involved, I'm more tolerant of delays, but I always message when I leave and give the latest ETA based on traffic or share my location so they can see where I am. I really appreciate it if someone does the same if coming to us/meeting up rather than wondering where they are.

On the whole 'early is on time thing ', yes, all good if you're meeting publicly, but I personally find it rude and stressful if people turn up to my house earlier than the agreed time. If it's from 7pm, I mean 7pm onwards, not 6.50pm. I would never dream of turning up to someone's house early either.

I'm fairly relaxed about timekeeping but I am always early/on time and do get frustrated when repeat offenders are constantly late.

This 👍 That’s when I’d message

I am like your friend but this is because I have plenty of ND/MH traits that make me worry, overthink and stress about being judged or letting people down.

Me too! I've turned up to things early especially if I'm not sure where it actually is. But that's my choice and I'll happily wait

I'm a very anxious person and being even a minute late makes me panic. I worry that I've upset the other person or put them out or that they think my time is more important than theirs.

Do you mean you ask people to be there at 7 but would be annoyed if they arrived before 10 past?

Because that makes no sense!