Am I being unfair to my son by leaving my jewellery to my DIL?

Like @Merrymoonage, in these specific circumstances i would leave the jewellery to your DIL and the properties to your son. But that’s because she is so well set up and provided for with inheritance from her family of origin, if that weren’t the case I might think differently.

I agree with this.
It is absolutely wonderful that you have a good relationship with your DIL, however I agree with the PP leave the Jewellery to your DIL with a letter which explains your wishes of the Jewellery being passed on to the next generations.

However, leave the properties to your Son.

I inherited my MIL diamonds. I wear a few of them every day. My DH inherited her other pieces, he has let me remodel some, other pieces were sold and the money given to our children as an investment. My DH didn’t bat an eyelid - he knows I’m not going anywhere!

However the bulk of your estate should name you DS, that is far more the norm. My DH has shared every penny with me. Half is in my name now.

As it sounds like you are relatively well off, sensible estate planning might be to leave half your estate to each of them, so that when they eventually each pass their respective estates on to your grandkids there’s less inheritance tax (a solicitor could give more detailed advice) just a thought. But if you go down that route, give them a heads-up and explain why.

Hello @mairedelpilar

We have a lot of family jewellery. It is always left to the daughter or granddaughter.

Mine is going to my daughter with my son having a large diamond ring for any future wife (he's only 27).
I'd leave you DIL your jewellery and the property to your son. He's married so half is technically your DILs anyway. Don't tie yourself in knots. Your DlL has already inherited in a sole capacity.

If you're wealthy I'd leave some money for your grandchildren for house deposits. That would be tax efficient.

This. Seems obvious

Obviously leave jewellery to your dil and property to your ds. She's had her inheritance. She'll benefit anyway.

Does your DIL like the jewellery and would she wear it? I also have quite a lot of valuable jewellery, and 2 daughters and a DIL. However, I am considering selling most of it and leaving them the money, as they'll never wear or use it. Some pieces are very grand, and only suitable for wearing to a royal ball or the Oscars, which is not the kind of thing that is likely to figure in their lives. It has spent most of my guardianship in a box. One piece I have only worn once in my life, as part of a fancy dress event. The girls are each getting a wearable token item, then the rest of the money goes into my estate, which is divided equally between my 3 children.

Sit down and talk to her about it.

Agree with the others- property to DS, and jewellery to Dil. My parents (mum especially) adore my dh, and are very dependent on him- they gifted us land jointly by name years ago- they gifted 30k directly to him as he took the mortgage out to buy our first house, before we were even married- so they implicitly trust him- but heir estate will go to me. At the point they die, same as you, hopefully a long while from now- however happy they are as a couple - they could have split. So if that were the case you would probably want DS to have the main estate. She is clearly a decent lady from what you say-so will understand your intention that after her day/ her daughter get the jewellery . You could even pop a letter in with the will to explain that wish, and how you love her and want these things to carry down the female line. You sound a lovely family.

Your granddaughter is 14 so you probably know what jewellery she would like and could pass some directly to her.
There are no guarantees in life, your son and DIL might divorce many years down the line. If that happens at least your son would know that your granddaughter did get some of your jewellery.

The properties should go to your son. No need to give to DIL as well as she will inherit it indirectly anyway as they are married. Like you say, she had her inheritance that way.
But if you know she is a better person than your own son then make some allowances for that but equal shares isn't saying much positive about your son, does he drink, gamble? Could you include your grandchildren in the will as again there are no guarantees in life.

It’s your to do with as you wish and I think it would be a lovely gesture.

I might add a stipulation that they should be passed on to granddaughter or wives of grandsons after your DIL passes away.

I’m fairly sure my MIL will leave her jewellery to my daughter (and in fact she has already very kindly gifted her some lovey family pieces) but neither my DH or my DC would blink if she left anything directly to me. In fact, I think my DH would be pleased.

My grandmother had a second marriage and her husband gave his mothers jewellery to her . He died first , then my grandmother . My mother inherited her jewellery and then it was passed to me .
I wanted my daughter ( adult ) to have it before I pass so I have given it to her .
I know it's family jewellery , but reality is it's kind of not because it belonged originally not to a woman known to us . Part of me feels none of us should have had it.
I expect it happens a lot .

I would leave the property to your son. As they are married, your DIL will still get the benefit of it. Should they split, it would be considered a marital asset whoever you left it to.

Talk to them about the jewellery. Not quite the same thing but I asked my husband if he'd mind my leaving mine to my sister (we don't have children). He said (should I predecease him, obviously) he would like my wedding and engagement ring, but wasn't bothered about other things. You might find you son/DIL would like specific pieces which you can list in your will, then anything they don't will be included in the residuary estate, i.e. whoever will receive anything not specified.

Why don’t you speak to your son about it? Ask him if there’s any pieces that he is sentimental about and would want to inherit otherwise tell him you’d like to share them between your DIL and GD. Leave your son the properties.

Leave the jewellery to your dil or some pieces to your grandchildren too but the properties should go to your son only.
She won’t think you don’t love her she will understand

Leave the property to your son. While it may be unlikely, should they split for any reason and your will hasn't been updated, leaving the property to both of them could cause some issues.

As nice as your jewellery is, fashions and tastes change. I'd be talking to your DIL and DGC D now, about which pieces they may like. I would leave the two boys some of the jewellery too, maybe something that could be refashioned and given to their future wives.

I have a friend with a fabulous ring. It was melted down and refashioned from some of both her mother and her grandmother's jewellery. The ring is beautiful and has such lovely meaning for her.

Would he care about this anyway?

I was recently left some jewellery by my husband’s grandmother. It didn’t cross my mind that DH would be put out at all (and he wasn’t, because he had no need or desire for a sapphire ring..) I assume his grandmother also didn’t think it would cause any issue. She had no daughters or granddaughters so MIL, BIL’s wife, and I got her jewellery. I don’t think anyone thought twice about it tbh.

I would leave some to your grandchildren and son also but absolutely leave it to your dil, that’s lovely.

My grandmother left her beautiful jewellery directly to me which I inherited in my early 20s. I cherish it all !

The jewellery I'd leave to your DIL.

The property is a step too far, your son will feel like he's less important to you than his wife.

As others have said, leave the property direct to your son. Leaving the jewellery to your dil is a nice gesture.

PIL are leaving money/property to DH and BIL, and smaller amounts to the DGC, with the jewellery divided between my DNiece (only female DGC), SIL and me. DN will get the rings, but I know I’m getting several very nice pieces as MIL has told me.

Given what you have described in terms of your relationship with your DIL I think it's a wonderful idea to leave the jewellery to her. I think your son would be delighted with his too personally.

I would leave it to your son for him to do what he wants with.

I would leave the jewelry to dil and possibly dgd? Property I would leave to your son, as they are married it kind of goes to both of them anyway but by leaving it directly to your son you are showing him you want him to benefit and trust him with your inheritance. By leaving the jewelry to your dil you are showing her she is equally part of your family and you trust her with your treasured possessions