Am I being unfair to my son by leaving my jewellery to my DIL?

I would pass on the jewellery before death unless you are wearing them regularly.

My grandmother gave her jewellery to us all whilst still alive, but in the knowledge she probably didn’t have much longer to live. She felt that she had the joy of seeing us wear it. Might that be an option? Otherwise, I’d suggest jewellery directly to DIL and GD, and property to son, as per PPs.

Out of interest, what are these items like, that you’re not keen on?

Jewellery... maybe split it between your DIL and leave a piece specifically to each grandchild, especially if they really are quite valuable and heirlooms.

For the rest of the estate, there are several approaches...
1: Leave it all to your son, as he is married, it becomes part of the estate of his marriage.
2: Put it in a trust, to avoid inheritance tax, but make this a family discussion and a family decision and give your adult offspring joint ownership of these decisions. Otherwise it can feel like you don't trust him to provide for his children and somehow expect him to crack on and make his own way in life while being generous benefactor to others further removed from you.

3: Specifically naming his wife, placing her as equal or higher to him - he may already feel that you wanted a daughter and love him less for being male, don't make this worse by writing it into your will.. that pain will never go away.

I would ask both your granddaughter and DIL to pick one item each, that they like and would wear. Pass these items to them now. You have sentimental feelings over the jewellery but your DIL isn't going too. There's no guarantee that your DIL would pass the jewellery onto her daughter. Your DIL may decide to sell the pieces she dislikes/won't wear and the same goes for your granddaughter.

You can stipulate in your Will that you want the jewellery passed to your granddaughter, upon your DIL's death, but how enforceable actually is that?! I have no idea! Once those items pass to your DIL or granddaughter, you have no control over what happens to them.

You need to be fully accepting of the fact that once your DIL inherits the jewellery, the items may be sold and don't stay in the family.

I would discuss the jewellery matter with your son before making any decision. The property should be left to your son only, he's your child. In the event of a divorce, the properties would be classed as a 'marital asset', so your DIL would benefit in marriage and divorce.

I don't think a "bought to pass on" thing has the same resonance as family jewellery and yes the sons when adult might like to own family jewellery for their partners to wear.

Jewellery - daughter-in-law and grandchildren.

Property - son and grandchildren.

Exactly this.

Absolutely do not leave the properties as a joint bequeath, they should be to your son.

Definitely leave it to your DIL.

You can stipulate what you like but unless you can put a legal restricition on it then it could still be sold or remodelled. I am not in general in favour of discussing wills with recipients but in this case I would sit down with the son and DIL and ask their opinion. As they have one daughter and two sons, they may prefer a different solution but of course its the OP's decision. IMO its a lovely thought though.

Thats a good point, you could buy a nice men's watch to give to your son for him to pass on if you can afford it. Avoid rolex as its over priced but grand sieko are probably the best made watches out there an are "only" about £5k.

Or a statement classic watch like timex, iwc, or Hamilton are cheaper

My mother has about £25,000 worth of rings, which to me seems mental, but there you go.

Your post is beautiful. Speak to them tell you the lovely things you feel about them. I think they wll.understand your reasons. Tell her the history of the jewellery.

You could also leave some property in trust for uour grandchildren. Maybe get financial advice estate planning.

What kind of jewellery do people have that needs to be accounted for in a will? That might seem like a daft question but as a non-jewellery wearer, I find this intriguing. Are we talking £100s /£1000s? Diamonds?

Inheritance isn’t treated as marital joint assets even in divorce

It doesn't really matter who you leave it to, or who your dil parents left stuff to. Given they divorce its communal property anyway.

If jewellery is excluded from that, is it a bad thing, you could tell your dil that she's getting it as a custodian, like you were, for the family items to be passed to your granddaughter.

I doubt your son will be bothered, knowing its going to his daughter.

As most have said already, jewellery to DIL property to son.

I have a similar relationship with my PiL. My MIL has been giving me jewellery for years. They have a lot of family heirlooms and I think she enjoys seeing people use and wear it. Perhaps you could do that and even give some pieces directly to your granddaughter if she is old enough to look after them. I would imagine that any estate will go directly to my husband. And thats how it should be - i would never even think to question that. When I inherited from my parents it came to me but we have joint finances so it was very much ours. It sounds like your son and DIL would be the same. Perhaps you should just make a specific provision for what happens if you outlive him I.e. it goes direct to DIL or grandchildren.

I would leave the jewellery to your daughter-in-law, but all your other assets to your son. I wouldn’t name the property as it might have been sold for some reason before you die.
Take advice from the solicitor you use to draft your will.
One other point though, what about your grandsons? You want your granddaughter to eventually inherit your jewellery, but think how the Princess of Wales wears William’s mother’s engagement ring. Shouldn’t your grandsons have the opportunity to inherit and pass some of your jewellery on?

It’s absolutely your decision and you should do what you feel is right but personally I would leave the property to your son, one or two special pieces of jewellery to Dil and the rest directly to your granddaughter to be looked after by Dil until she is 18.

All properties etc to your son. Jewellery to your son as well but pick out two specific pieces to leave to your DIL and your granddaughter.

I agree with leaving your DIL and DGD some special pieces of jewellery but leaving everything else to you DS, stipulating maybe that other jewellery passes on to your DGD when she’s older.

It’s great that you have such a lovely relationship but as you can see, your DIL’s family did the right thing and left the property to her, not to both of them because they have a strong marriage, etc

Yep, if they are worth a lot of money.

Who cares they are just “things”. Does it really matter

If I was your son I would be perfectly happy with this. I really think it would be unreasonable for him to be bothered