Am I being unfair to my son by leaving my jewellery to my DIL?

At the moment your son has a good marriage. You are only in your 70s and could potentially live for another 20+ years. How would you feel if your DS and DiL split up and you couldn’t change your will (eg dementia) and your DiL inherited your jewellery? It becomes hers to do want she wants with it including not passing it on to your GD.

My pil left everything jointly to us both but I see it as my husband’s inheritance.

I think its lovely to give to your DIL - but if there is something you particularly want your grand daughter to have give it straight to her.
You sound like you have significant assets, I would take advice while consulting your DS/DIL as it makes sense to give at least part of your estate straight to grandchildren - you never know what the future holds. I also know of a sudden death/second marriage where the step children have inherited all the original families money/houses/sentimental stuff - its unlikely but can happen!

You are not being unreasonable go to leave the jewellery to the daughter in law, at all. It sounds as though you have a loving relationship with her.
But as you say you eventually want it to pass down through the family why don't you leave it directly to your grand daughter?

If you tried to sell it you probably wouldn't get anything like that for it, unfortunately. Not that you are, but buying v selling jewellery is a very odd business.

Inheriting jewellery comes with its own challenges,especially if the pieces are not your style. You also inherit emotional tugs, and guilt if you want to sell it. Or you have items which never see the light of day so what's the point?

But it all needs to be properly valued (which isn't cheap) and insured.

Leave the jewellery to your daughter in law. It will signify to her what she meant to you. You could perhaps stipulate that the jewellery is to remain in the family, eventually being passed onto your granddaughter.

How lovely. I'm an executor of my MIL's will, I have a similarly lovely relationship with her and I believe that her jewellery is being split between her daughter and myself. Similar situation really - I've been married to her son since I was in my early 20's and we have a very close relationship. She has a few valuable possessions which I know she has explicitly identified in her will - I don't think the jewellery is any different, and anything I inherit from her will pass down to my own daughter so it won't actually leave the family.

Family is not DNA - it's relationships. If your instinct is telling you this us the right thing to do, then do it.

I love watches. DH and I have an extensive collection of Audemars Piguet watches.

So it’s all about money then yeh . They are well off enough. It doesn’t matter. It’s this type of attitude about things that causes awful rifts about wills. Greed is what it boils down to

You sound like a wonderful MIL, and you and your DIL are lucky to have such a loving relationship. Many MILs on here could learn from you!

My mum is 90, has early Alzheimer’s and lives in a care home. Everything in her will is left jointly to me and my brother, with a small amount to my kids. She keeps saying she wishes she could change it to include my DH as he’s been so good to her. (She can’t change it now, due to the Alzheimer’s, I have POA and don’t want to be seen as taking from my brother.)

Don’t be my mum! Include your DIL and leave her your jewellery directly. However, this would result in her getting more than your son, so maybe you should compensate him in a different way. Could you leave him a specific property for example?

I would leave one or two special pieces to DIL, and the rest of the jewellery to GD in trust.

No they're not.

I'm not sure "estate of his marriage" is a thing.

Your estate is personal. There isn't a joint estate.

If left to DS he can keep it entirely separate to marital assets and it may never become a joint asset. It's part of his estate, and he can will it. He can will it to his wife if he wishes. But if never intermingled then, for example, it could be disregarded in a divorce. And he can will it elsewhere as long as his wife is provided for.

If left to both, then would presumably be held jointly, in which case both own it and neither can will it away, and when one dies the other immediately owns it (they can then will it elsewhere). On divorce, it's owned jointly, a marital asset, and a split would need to be agreed.

property to son, jewellery to DiL.
if they split they are classed as joint assets anyway.

Leave your grandchildren a special jewellery item each.

Leave your dil some very special pieces.

Leave your son and dil the rest between them.

The obvious answer is to talk to them but is there a reason you wouldn’t leave it directly to your grandchildren? The issue would be if your son dies first and she remarried and it all gets a bit complicated with stepsiblings and whatnot. My grandmother died first and then my grandfather’s second wife inherited everything - including family pieces without any actual monetary value - and my father has absolutely nothing from her. So it always makes me a bit twitchy about sentimental items.

i think it’s absolutely lovely that you are so close and think you could pick a few things for her and your grandchildren directly with no expectations attached and split them up between them yourself to avoid any drama in the future.

You are absolutely right to do so but I would suggest having this conversation and explaining it whilst you are alive so it isn't a surprise when you die. If I was your son I would understand and I think your DIL would be touched that you think of her like a daughter. So tell them about your idea and check your son is OK with it. I'm sure he will be.

Property to son jewellery to DIL

You don’t know that

My gm left her house to my mother. Thinking that I would eventually get it in due course.
My mother had no intention of leaving me anything

The same with exh
His father left everything to his mother. His mother changed her will to leave everything to his older brother

Never assume things when writing a will

I’d leave the property to your son and the jewellery can be split up. Leave her a piece and the rest to granddaughter.

My Mum has a lot of expensive jewellery and it’s being left to me and my SIL. She’s asked me which pieces I want and SIL will get the rest. My mother is very keen that it isn’t sold, and as I don’t have any kids it will all eventually end up on my brother’s side anyway! I think there is something personal and jewellery, it’s not just about the monetary value, so you should leave it to your DIL if you think she’ll appreciate it

But you think people wear/want watches?

Please don’t leave it directly to the children. They won’t understand the importance of these pieces until they’re much older. I inherited an Edwardian engagement from my mum that had also belonged to her mum. I thought it was hideous and gaudy, but I kept it safe, thinking that it would remain in a jewellery box until I died!

When I turned 40 I got it out to look at it and it’s beautiful!! What had once seemed OTT I now appreciated for the style of the time. I had it resized to wear and discovered that not only was it a precious family heirloom but was also worth £4.5k. Younger me would definitely have sold it if I’d inherited it when my grandma died, it was only because it was my mum’s ring that I kept it.

Leave the jewellery to your granddaughter. My nan left me her jewellery (worth almost nothing) and I felt very honoured that she had done that.

Maybe have a really honest conversation with DIL, and grandkids if old enough, about the jewellery.

I had some jewellery from my grandmother (so dates back to 1920’s), which I have never worn but have had tucked away for 40 odd years, and I had my own jewellery, some of which I don’t wear as no longer to my taste, but worth a bit.

My DD was adamant she didn’t want my grans jewellery as would never wear it, and also didn’t want to store it. DS’s all said they didn’t want to keep it in the event they ever had children. As for my own that I no longer wanted, DD wanted 2 pieces and not the rest. Again, DS’s said they didn’t want to hang onto it. So, that ‘enabled’ me to sell my grans and my jewellery. I split the money between the kids and they put it in their savings accounts. For the rest of mine, DD only wants a few pieces and they have all made clear the rest will be sold, which I fine with (and if I get to a certain age and find I’m not wearing any, I’ll probably make it easy for them and sell it earlier). Would rather that than it all sat in a box untouched for 40 years in the unlikely event any grandkids may want it. Also, given this, I was able to let my jewellery insurance lapse, as what was I really paying for if no one wanted most of it moving forward, so that’s a saving for me!

I think the key is being able to have those conversations and not be upset if people indicate they don’t want stuff and be able to let it go yourself.

If you want your grand daughter to have the jewellery why then leave it to someone else

As someone who has had conversations with people in my life who say that they are leaving this or that to someone else then it will be passed to me and it never happens I implore you. If you want your gd to have the jewellery then say so in your will. Dont rely on other people to do what you want, when you yourself won’t do it.