Am I being unfair to my son by leaving my jewellery to my DIL?

Stoptheworldiwanttogetoff · 03/09/2026 16:25

Ultimately it’s your money/jewellery/property so your choice to leave it to whoever you want to. Personally I would leave the jewellery to your DIL and then the rest to your DS only. I would imagine that DIL would expect that your estate would be left to your son anyway so unlikely to be upset at being “left out” and leaving her the jewellery is a lovely way to show how much you think of her. I can’t see why your DS would be upset about not being left the jewellery as he presumably has no use for it himself and when it is eventually passed down again it would be going to his daughter so staying in the family.

SomeOtherUser · 30/08/2026 11:21

I would choose a few special pieces to pass directly to DIL, and leave the rest to son.

Dalston · 30/08/2026 11:18

mairedelpilar · 29/08/2026 07:29

I'm in my 70s and currently writing/updating my will, and I'm struggling with something I’d really appreciate some perspective on.

I have one son, who is in his mid 40s, and no other children. I always wanted a daughter, but never had one. In a strange way, I feel like I got that daughter through my DIL.

My son and DIL have been together since they were teenagers, so I've known her for most of her life. Before they were married, she would come over on weekends, cook in my kitchen, go shopping with me, and we would do all sorts of “girl things” together. I absolutely adored having her around. My son was always a lovely boy and I love him very much, but having her in my life felt like finally having the daughter I never had.

They have now been married for many years and have three children a 16 year old boy, a 14 year old girl and an 8 year-l old boy. They are wonderful grandchildren and I’m very close to all of them.

The issue is my jewellery

I have quite a lot of valuable jewellery that originally belonged to my mother. Some of it is very sentimental to me, and I would like to leave the jewellery directly to my DIL rather than to my son.

My thinking is that I want her to eventually pass the jewellery down to my granddaughter. I feel strongly about that because these pieces came from my mother, and I would love for them to continue through the women in the family. I don't really want my son to inherit them and then decide what happens to them.

There are also some properties/villas that I own, and my current thought is to leave those jointly to my son and DIL.

This is where I'm wondering whether I'm being unfair to my son.

When my DIL's own parents died, she inherited their estate in her name alone. My son wasn't put on any of it, and he never complained or seemed to think there was anything wrong with that. I completely understood that it was her parents' money and their decision.

So part of me thinks I should be equally entitled to make my own decision about what I leave behind.

My son is financially very successful and so is my DIL. They have a very good marriage, both have high-paying careers, and neither of them needs my money to be financially secure. Whatever I leave them probably won't make a major difference to their lives.

But this isn't really about money for me.

My DIL is the person who checks on me medically, makes sure I'm doing okay, visits me roughly once a week, helps with things and generally keeps an eye on me. My son does plenty for me too, and I don't want to diminish that, but if I'm being completely honest, my DIL is the one who has been more involved in my day to day wellbeing.

I love my son, but I also genuinely see my DIL as my daughter.

Would it be wrong or hurtful to leave the jewellery directly to her while leaving the properties jointly to both of them?

I don't want to punish my son or make some statement that I love him less. I simply want to leave certain things to the people I feel they belong with emotionally.

I'd really appreciate some honest perspective, especially from people who have been through wills/inheritance issues in their own families.

It’s so lovely to read about your feelings for your DIL, sounds like you have a wonderful family. I think leaving her your jewellery is a very generous and personal gesture and she will know how much she means to you. Leave the rest of your estate to your son, I think that’s fair.

LejlaKapovic · 30/08/2026 10:31

mairedelpilar · 29/08/2026 07:29

I'm in my 70s and currently writing/updating my will, and I'm struggling with something I’d really appreciate some perspective on.

I have one son, who is in his mid 40s, and no other children. I always wanted a daughter, but never had one. In a strange way, I feel like I got that daughter through my DIL.

My son and DIL have been together since they were teenagers, so I've known her for most of her life. Before they were married, she would come over on weekends, cook in my kitchen, go shopping with me, and we would do all sorts of “girl things” together. I absolutely adored having her around. My son was always a lovely boy and I love him very much, but having her in my life felt like finally having the daughter I never had.

They have now been married for many years and have three children a 16 year old boy, a 14 year old girl and an 8 year-l old boy. They are wonderful grandchildren and I’m very close to all of them.

The issue is my jewellery

I have quite a lot of valuable jewellery that originally belonged to my mother. Some of it is very sentimental to me, and I would like to leave the jewellery directly to my DIL rather than to my son.

My thinking is that I want her to eventually pass the jewellery down to my granddaughter. I feel strongly about that because these pieces came from my mother, and I would love for them to continue through the women in the family. I don't really want my son to inherit them and then decide what happens to them.

There are also some properties/villas that I own, and my current thought is to leave those jointly to my son and DIL.

This is where I'm wondering whether I'm being unfair to my son.

When my DIL's own parents died, she inherited their estate in her name alone. My son wasn't put on any of it, and he never complained or seemed to think there was anything wrong with that. I completely understood that it was her parents' money and their decision.

So part of me thinks I should be equally entitled to make my own decision about what I leave behind.

My son is financially very successful and so is my DIL. They have a very good marriage, both have high-paying careers, and neither of them needs my money to be financially secure. Whatever I leave them probably won't make a major difference to their lives.

But this isn't really about money for me.

My DIL is the person who checks on me medically, makes sure I'm doing okay, visits me roughly once a week, helps with things and generally keeps an eye on me. My son does plenty for me too, and I don't want to diminish that, but if I'm being completely honest, my DIL is the one who has been more involved in my day to day wellbeing.

I love my son, but I also genuinely see my DIL as my daughter.

Would it be wrong or hurtful to leave the jewellery directly to her while leaving the properties jointly to both of them?

I don't want to punish my son or make some statement that I love him less. I simply want to leave certain things to the people I feel they belong with emotionally.

I'd really appreciate some honest perspective, especially from people who have been through wills/inheritance issues in their own families.

I wouldn't leave anything to DIL. She's not a blood relative, and if she and your son get divorced one day, you would have given away a small fortune to a woman you have no relation to. There's no guarantee your granddaughter will inherit the jewellery, either. Your DIL could get remarried and decide to share your jewellery with another man's children. It's happened before and could definitely happen to you.

I'd rather leave it all to your son and grandchildren.

Shmee1988 · 30/08/2026 09:50

Leave the jewellery to DIL. Properties to your son. What if they split? What if she had an affair and marries someone else?

Timeforachange26 · 30/08/2026 09:35

saraclara · 29/08/2026 09:36

Them splitting wouldn't negate the help, warmth and support that the DIL has given OP over the years, and which OP wants to acknowledge.

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This exactly. Why would them d getting divorced take away all the relationship the DIL had with the OP. Even if there was a divorce it may be the sons fault ( is an affair) so to cut out the helpful DIL is harsh

Timeforachange26 · 30/08/2026 09:13

Judicioususeofthewordgirdle · 29/08/2026 07:33

Whilst I accept you are very close to your DIL, I personally would leave the jewellery (and everything else) solely to your son.

Any particular reason why?

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 30/08/2026 09:04

CillianMurphyhasbeautifuleyes · 29/08/2026 09:12

Out of interest, what are these items like, that you’re not keen on?

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A diamond ring (two very large diamonds of ‘the first water’ as my great aunt always described them). Which is nice, and actually looks good on my fat fingers, but is quite simply too valuable for me to wear on a day to day basis. A brooch (again, diamonds), which is also nice - but entirely not my style. And an eternity ring which isn’t worth very much at all.

As individual pieces I like them. But they don’t work for me now. And there isn’t a natural person to hand them to. So it’s better to sell them. It also means my cousin’s children don’t lose out simply because their grandmother (my aunt) turned down the jewellery.

SpanThatWorld · 30/08/2026 06:53

My gran was not a wealthy woman but she left her jewellery to her granddaughters and a small amount of money to her grandsons. Because girls like jewellery.

By the time she died, the "gold" watch I was due to inherit had long disappeared but I received a ring that my dad had bought her because she thought it would "mean something" to me. It doesn't. I have no sentimental attachment to it at all. Knowing my dad, he'd probably bought it at the last minute, probably from a bloke in a pub.

It's a strange idea that women will find sentimental meaning in jewellery but men will enjoy something they can sell.

When my gran died, I took her sewing machine and her tea cups which I see everyday. The ring is in a box and will probably go in a skip when I die.

Radu75 · 30/08/2026 06:34

short it

Not unreasonable at all. Your DIL has been like a daughter, and you're leaving the properties jointly anyway. The jewellery is about passing it down through the women in the family.
Just put it clearly in your will — don't leave it to chance.
Maybe give your son a heads-up beforehand so he's not blindsided. If your relationship is good, he'll understand.
Also, take photos and write down the stories behind each piece. Future generations will appreciate that.
YANBU.

ErNo20 · 30/08/2026 00:25

Yes, it's the wrong thing. Leave them to your son.

Negroany · 29/08/2026 23:32

BlueFahrenheit · 29/08/2026 10:16

I love watches. DH and I have an extensive collection of Audemars Piguet watches.

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Yes, there are a few people who like watches.

But the vast majority of people don't or aren't bothered. My mum and dad had loads of watches but I just gave them all away when they died.

Saying "sell the jewellery and buy them watches" is very odd.

understandyourdilemma · 29/08/2026 23:05

My lovely MIL had 3 beautiful rings. She wanted me to have one (discussed with me as to which one) her dd (my SIL) to have another - the biggest £££ rock, and her granddaughter (SIL's daughter) to have the third.

But it was not written in her will.

When MIL went into a care home SIL took all jewellery to her house for safe keeping. After she died and the estate was being wound up, dh asked his dsis about the rings. My SIL viewed them all as 'family items' decreed that dh would have no use for diamond rings and decided to keep them 'in the bloodline'. When dh queried that, SIL said that if he wanted financial compensation he could have it.

It wasn't about the money (the value was not huge) but for me a memento of a lovely MIL, and following what she had intended to happen with her rings.

@mairedelpilar please do not be like my MIL. If you have specific wishes for your items, then specify that in your will.

Pistachiocake · 29/08/2026 22:53

Would your son want the jewellery anyway. Not judging at all, but most men I know don't wear any, and would give it to their wives/daughters/grandaughters anyway.
The women in my family tended to do this, as rings etc wouldn't even fit the men.
Why not just talk to them? And say, obviously son, you'll not be wanting to wear my jewellery, so, DIL and son, how do you feel about me leaving it to you, DIL, and some to grandaughter?
Again, it's surely unlikely that a DIL in this situation wouldn't pass it to her own daughter/grandaughter?
The only exception might be if they end up hard-up and sell it. Unlikely from what you've said, but even if that happened, you'd surely want them to do that if they were struggling.

PeloMom · 29/08/2026 22:50

Why don’t you leave your jewelry straight to your GD? Or the 3 GC?
I wouldn’t leave to DIL - what if they split, she sells it and that’s it? If you want it to eventually go to your GD, will it to her directly

abbynabby23 · 29/08/2026 22:46

mairedelpilar · 29/08/2026 07:29

I'm in my 70s and currently writing/updating my will, and I'm struggling with something I’d really appreciate some perspective on.

I have one son, who is in his mid 40s, and no other children. I always wanted a daughter, but never had one. In a strange way, I feel like I got that daughter through my DIL.

My son and DIL have been together since they were teenagers, so I've known her for most of her life. Before they were married, she would come over on weekends, cook in my kitchen, go shopping with me, and we would do all sorts of “girl things” together. I absolutely adored having her around. My son was always a lovely boy and I love him very much, but having her in my life felt like finally having the daughter I never had.

They have now been married for many years and have three children a 16 year old boy, a 14 year old girl and an 8 year-l old boy. They are wonderful grandchildren and I’m very close to all of them.

The issue is my jewellery

I have quite a lot of valuable jewellery that originally belonged to my mother. Some of it is very sentimental to me, and I would like to leave the jewellery directly to my DIL rather than to my son.

My thinking is that I want her to eventually pass the jewellery down to my granddaughter. I feel strongly about that because these pieces came from my mother, and I would love for them to continue through the women in the family. I don't really want my son to inherit them and then decide what happens to them.

There are also some properties/villas that I own, and my current thought is to leave those jointly to my son and DIL.

This is where I'm wondering whether I'm being unfair to my son.

When my DIL's own parents died, she inherited their estate in her name alone. My son wasn't put on any of it, and he never complained or seemed to think there was anything wrong with that. I completely understood that it was her parents' money and their decision.

So part of me thinks I should be equally entitled to make my own decision about what I leave behind.

My son is financially very successful and so is my DIL. They have a very good marriage, both have high-paying careers, and neither of them needs my money to be financially secure. Whatever I leave them probably won't make a major difference to their lives.

But this isn't really about money for me.

My DIL is the person who checks on me medically, makes sure I'm doing okay, visits me roughly once a week, helps with things and generally keeps an eye on me. My son does plenty for me too, and I don't want to diminish that, but if I'm being completely honest, my DIL is the one who has been more involved in my day to day wellbeing.

I love my son, but I also genuinely see my DIL as my daughter.

Would it be wrong or hurtful to leave the jewellery directly to her while leaving the properties jointly to both of them?

I don't want to punish my son or make some statement that I love him less. I simply want to leave certain things to the people I feel they belong with emotionally.

I'd really appreciate some honest perspective, especially from people who have been through wills/inheritance issues in their own families.

Properties to your son and jewellery to your DIL. I don’t see why your son find it unfair about the jewellery. Quite the opposite it s very sweet. But I am sure he will find it unfair about the property. They are anyways married so they ll enjoy everything together.

Aethelred · 29/08/2026 20:58

If you are leaving everything jointly to them both apart from the jewellery, which you want to leave to your DIL, does that mean you will be leaving your DIL more in total than your son (who was not left anything by her family). It could feel like you like the 'daughter you never had' more than your real son if you are not careful - I'm not saying that you see your son as second best but it could come across that way.

foursquares · 29/08/2026 20:18

Perfectly fine to leave jewelry to you DIL. But if you do not then leave properties solely to your son, it will cause resentment. You know this, and yet you're still contemplating it...hmmmm

eatreadsleeprepeat · 29/08/2026 18:00

With enough other resources already I would leave the jewellery to your DIL, you obviously have a genuine close relationship with her and passing it on through her is a lovely idea. Property to your son. My only other suggestion would be one appropriate piece of jewellery direct to your granddaughter.

EasternStandard · 29/08/2026 17:51

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 29/08/2026 16:15

I would leave the properties to them jointly and the jewellery to her with a condition that she leave them to her daughter. As you say she is the one who cares for you and you’ve been close to her most of her life.

Is there something physical you could leave your son to leave for his sons like vintage cars or paintings or something?

Yes this, the condition of passing it on and is there anything that you can leave to him?

Pherian · 29/08/2026 17:43

mairedelpilar · 29/08/2026 07:29

I'm in my 70s and currently writing/updating my will, and I'm struggling with something I’d really appreciate some perspective on.

I have one son, who is in his mid 40s, and no other children. I always wanted a daughter, but never had one. In a strange way, I feel like I got that daughter through my DIL.

My son and DIL have been together since they were teenagers, so I've known her for most of her life. Before they were married, she would come over on weekends, cook in my kitchen, go shopping with me, and we would do all sorts of “girl things” together. I absolutely adored having her around. My son was always a lovely boy and I love him very much, but having her in my life felt like finally having the daughter I never had.

They have now been married for many years and have three children a 16 year old boy, a 14 year old girl and an 8 year-l old boy. They are wonderful grandchildren and I’m very close to all of them.

The issue is my jewellery

I have quite a lot of valuable jewellery that originally belonged to my mother. Some of it is very sentimental to me, and I would like to leave the jewellery directly to my DIL rather than to my son.

My thinking is that I want her to eventually pass the jewellery down to my granddaughter. I feel strongly about that because these pieces came from my mother, and I would love for them to continue through the women in the family. I don't really want my son to inherit them and then decide what happens to them.

There are also some properties/villas that I own, and my current thought is to leave those jointly to my son and DIL.

This is where I'm wondering whether I'm being unfair to my son.

When my DIL's own parents died, she inherited their estate in her name alone. My son wasn't put on any of it, and he never complained or seemed to think there was anything wrong with that. I completely understood that it was her parents' money and their decision.

So part of me thinks I should be equally entitled to make my own decision about what I leave behind.

My son is financially very successful and so is my DIL. They have a very good marriage, both have high-paying careers, and neither of them needs my money to be financially secure. Whatever I leave them probably won't make a major difference to their lives.

But this isn't really about money for me.

My DIL is the person who checks on me medically, makes sure I'm doing okay, visits me roughly once a week, helps with things and generally keeps an eye on me. My son does plenty for me too, and I don't want to diminish that, but if I'm being completely honest, my DIL is the one who has been more involved in my day to day wellbeing.

I love my son, but I also genuinely see my DIL as my daughter.

Would it be wrong or hurtful to leave the jewellery directly to her while leaving the properties jointly to both of them?

I don't want to punish my son or make some statement that I love him less. I simply want to leave certain things to the people I feel they belong with emotionally.

I'd really appreciate some honest perspective, especially from people who have been through wills/inheritance issues in their own families.

I don’t think you’re being unfair. I think what you’re doing sounds quite reasonable.

Whoreallyknowsthefuture · 29/08/2026 17:37

Leave the jewellery to your DIL with the backstory of your hope that she will one day give it to her daughter and her daughter and so on. I'm not sure it really matters in whos name or names for the properties ect as they are married so it would be split if they divorced or inheritanted if the unfortunate happen surely 🤔

bocketyaulbag · 29/08/2026 17:34

TheOlderIGetTheStayerIHome · 29/08/2026 07:34

I agree with pp. properties to DS, jewellery to DIL.

This is the way

Nelly7 · 29/08/2026 17:10

Leave the properties and capital to your son, your DIL technically is entitled to half by marriage and your son won’t feel snubbed. Leave some of the jewellery to your DIL and anything specific to your granddaughter but be mindful that your grandsons may have wives or daughters in the future that they might want to gift jewellery to. They could also feel snubbed!

Alycie · 29/08/2026 16:45

My geandmother has split all jewlery between us grandaughers and explained the significance of each piece. It’s really lovely and I’m glad to hear the story, some of these are 100+ year old pieces.

I’d split most of the jewelry now between DIL and DGD to enjoy sharing the jewel’s history. Maybe even let DGD pick, as some pieces might be nice to wear and others she might see as unfashionable

And I’d leave all other less significant pieces and the properties to my DS once I pass away.