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Original poster

AIBU to be shaken after fiancé stayed out all night?

257 replies

TheBlueRobin · 29/08/2026 07:21

My fiance (M33) didn't come home last night after a night out in our nearest city. I (F33) am so shocked my anger hasn't kicked in yet. We get married in 7 weeks.

He had this night out planned for a little while, going out with a work friend for some food and one of those interactive game places to do darts etc. Later in the night he bumped into a mutual friend of ours who I know is a big drinker and one for nights out. The last time I heard from him was 9:30 where he sent a selfie of the two of them and a comment about our friend's crazy stories. He said he was getting the last train at 11:30 so would be home around midnight. So I went to sleep.

I wake up at 6am to our hungry cats, notice he is not in bed or the spare room and nothing on the Ring doorbell to show he had come home. I presumed he had stayed at friend's house in the city and just said 'look send me a message when you wake up and I can pick you up'. He replied quite quickly saying he was getting the first train home. I asked where he slept and he gave a garbled response saying our friend left him and by that time it was 2am. He went to a late night place and then just walked around and then slept outside a church. He had a thick rain coat on but I was so shocked at his response and disregard for his own personal safety. He had just been paid so could have afforded a taxi or got a cheap hotel or something. He was still quite drunk when I picked him up but he seemed remorseful and in fact quite shocked at his actions. He's sleeping it off now and we'll talk later. It was pouring with rain outside as well.

For context, my partner does like a drink but is not a frequent drinker. His last crazy night out was his stag in June and before that a few months before. We do drink together. I have no concerns about him cheating or anything like being aggressive. But it feels like a switch goes in his head and he just has no regard for his actions and keeps drinking.

He is a good, loving, kind, funny man, he is very loving, affectionate and we have a good relationship. But this has thrown me. If this happened more frequently I wouldn't be with him. If this was earlier in our relationship, it would be a big red flag. We got together in our mid twenties when this kind of thing could be laughed off as part of youth but at 33 you should know better.

OP posts:
Nootka · 29/08/2026 13:19

People who don't have an off switch when it comes to alcohol shouldn't drink. Sleeping outside a church well my son actually did that so not as implausible as some might think.

I hope you sort it.

canuckup · 29/08/2026 13:09

Slept outside a graveyard

😅

Yeah right

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 29/08/2026 13:07

He could’ve stayed at the “late-night place” aka strip club or casino until closing, say 4/5am, then thought, I’ve only got an hour or so to kill, I’ll just sit here on this church porch out of the rain for a bit until I can get the first train home. As opposed to being snuggled up on a step in the pouring rain for 4 hours.
Or of course the whole church thing was bs.

Whatever he was up to sounds v dodgy.

Nofeckingway · 29/08/2026 12:59

Have you considered that he might have been arrested and in jail overnight.

Makebelieveanotherlife · 29/08/2026 12:54

So 3 crazy nights out this year alone?

far too much for me. You know you will be posting on here again with a baby in tow.

this sounds far too dodgy.

And a huge coincidence that he ‘bumped’ into a mutual friend?? Unless there’s only one social place in a tiny town, that’s a very huge coincidence

Fidgety31 · 29/08/2026 12:36

He had a one night stand and you went to pick him up afterwards. !
wow - he’s hit the jackpot with you hasn’t he !

wake up - he didn’t sleep outside a church ! Don’t be so gullible and naive .

SirenScream · 29/08/2026 12:31

He's letting you know what married life is going to be like; pushing the boundaries, testing to see how much you'll put up with and what he can get away with.

Chilly80 · 29/08/2026 12:29

Sounds fishy

Marycontrarygarden · 29/08/2026 12:20

Pedant61 · 29/08/2026 11:12

It's one night out - much better than him coming home and disturbing you in a possibly drunken state. Give this poor guy a break and .augh it off.

Low low bar....

Marycontrarygarden · 29/08/2026 12:20

Myfridgeiscool · 29/08/2026 07:36

Lots of men don’t seem to have an off switch when they start drinking.
one of my neighbours pointed out that we shouldn’t have a street party on a Sunday because he’d not be able to drink as he had work on Monday…he didn’t want to acknowledge that he could just not get completely drunk.
At 33 I’d be wanting to see a bit of self preservation kicking in.

No, it's not that they 'don't have an off switch' they do, some choose to use it, the rest of the idiot men just don't because they CHOOSE not to.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/08/2026 12:15

Why didn't he simply go back and stay at his friends. I agree that people can wait for the train in a station. So what was he doing sleeping in a church and wandering around. You'd already said you'd pick up.
I've picked up DH when he's missed the last train so he knows he can all as your DP obviously could.

He's not telling you the truth.

ThatLilacTiger · 29/08/2026 12:13

Ok so by "late night place" he means he went to a strip club. If you're ok with that then that's fine but just want to make sure you understand.

shockmethen · 29/08/2026 11:54

Why did his friend leave him? What does he mean? He then went to a late night place.? Does he mean he carried on on his own and went to some late night venue and carried on drinking by himself?
A venue that continued to sell alcohol to a heavily inebriated lone man?

And then he wandered off and fell asleep in church grounds

😐😑😐😑😐

user293948849167 · 29/08/2026 11:53

I wouldn’t be annoyed if he let me know and it was a one off.
Just not coming home with no explanation is out of order.
Also not being able to explain where he spent the night would make me suspicious he was with another woman

Bananalanacake · 29/08/2026 11:39

Does he remember which church, you can check if it has somewhere to sleep.

Freeme31 · 29/08/2026 11:33

I think there is more to this, why would his friend dump him at 2am, why not get a taxi. Think you have got something to worry about sorry but maybe a STi test ? Most men would rather get home to there own bed rather than church steps. Sorry OP bug your in denial

MoveOnTheCards · 29/08/2026 11:25

I’m not buying the sleeping out bit.

Bluenotgreen · 29/08/2026 11:19

What a load of bollocks!

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 29/08/2026 11:16

Ablondiebutagoody · 29/08/2026 07:51

We've all been there. Sounds like a good night out!

Err, speak for yourself. I've never been so drunk I've slept outside a church in the pissing rain at 2am instead of just...going home.

Pedant61 · 29/08/2026 11:12

It's one night out - much better than him coming home and disturbing you in a possibly drunken state. Give this poor guy a break and .augh it off.

Swiftie1878 · 29/08/2026 11:10

I wouldn’t be happy with this. The staying out, or his story. There’s something else that has gone on. Good luck getting to the bottom of it.

Dryrobe45 · 29/08/2026 11:10

Merrymoonage · 29/08/2026 07:47

@MagneticSquirrel you don’t think staying out drinking alone and choosing to apparently sleep on a park bench for the night is unusual in your 30s?!? What??

I would agree it’s very unusual but it has been known. My DH has a long term friend who has form for this and he’s in his forties. In my opinion it’s deeply unattractive and there’s no way I’d want to live with someone who did that at that age. By the 30s it’s definitely time to have grown out of it.

Bananacrepewithnuts · 29/08/2026 11:06

MagneticSquirrel · 29/08/2026 07:45

Sounds like the big drinker probably encouraged your finance and he was very drunk! Story sounds plausible - getting a taxi or uber after last trains have gone can be an absolute nightmare, often a 1hr wait or just no availability so I can see how he thought going to a late night place seemed like a good idea to wait it out and then trying to get a taxi later! Then he probably just felt sleepy from all the booze - you get lots of sleepy people on the late trains - I always have to set an alarm so I don’t miss my stop after a night out. So a nice church bench at 2am would seem like a good place to “rest” and after a long week and drinks people fall asleep at 2/3am

I don’t think this is unusual in your 30s either especially if you don’t go out drinking often, people have less experience to judge when to slow down / stop drinking so I disagree at 33 “should know better” … 53 maybe! .

This.

Please don't get worked up OP.

Headinthecloudsfeetontheground · 29/08/2026 10:50

Please OP, listen to the women who know.

Nopersbro · 29/08/2026 10:44

Since his last update was that he'd be home around midnight (I'm assuming you live together), I'd have been worried if I woke up at 6 and there had been no word from him!

I don't know why people are being weird about the church; for an actually destitute person wanting some shelter/a safe place to sleep until first light it's one of the most logical options. (Of course, that could be an argument that he's made up a classic story as much as that it's the truth.) IF he had plenty of money/credit and this is truly what he did then I'd guess he was too drunk to navigate getting to a friend's house or paying for a hotel or taxi, but it's also possible he'd spent all his money.

Talk to him once he's lucid; there's no point if he's still drunk. Make it clear that whatever happened, he has to tell you the truth. Then use your instincts and common sense to see if you believe him. But you're not wrong to be upset; it's potentially worrying behaviour and it did/does impact you so fair enough to insist on getting the real story, at least.