AIBU to be shaken after fiancé stayed out all night?

Sounds like TB to me and he's not quite grown up yet, give him another 10 years then he might act like he's 33, but do you want a future kid and a man child in the mean time to look after. He needs his mum, not a wife.

Don’t believe his twaddle.
Don’t be one of THOSE women who have red flags waved directly under their noses, ignore them and end up married and up the duff with a completely selfish loser.

You’ll be on here in five years asking how to get your ducks in a row.

I have definitely sat about for a few hours before the first train home rather than get a taxi before when young, skint and on drugs I wouldn't assume he had cheated. But it's not sensible and I had definitely ended that behaviour by the time I was 30. My ex and his mate could drink all night up until a few years ago and would just keep going from place to place until the early hours. Fairly gross behaviour though.

I asked where he slept and he gave a garbled response saying our friend left him and by that time it was 2am. He went to a late night place and then just walked around and then slept outside a church. He had a thick rain coat on but I was so shocked at his response and disregard for his own personal safety. He had just been paid so could have afforded a taxi or got a cheap hotel or something. He was still quite drunk when I picked him up but he seemed remorseful and in fact quite shocked at his actions. He's sleeping it off now and we'll talk later. It was pouring with rain outside as well

I’m naturally quite cynical and inclined to think the worst of people, but surely even the most trustful of partners would have difficulty swallowing this load of bollocks, wouldn’t they? I mean, a teenager could have come up with something better. I’m absolutely not saying he’s cheated on you. But I don’t think he’s telling you the truth. And if he is, he’s got some thinking to do about his choices when it comes to alcohol.

2am is prime time for taxis. There are rows of them outside every club at that time of night. He couldn’t find one that would take him to a Premier Inn? What late night place? What was the name of it? If he doesn’t know its name, what was near it? What did the interior look like? Does Google show their opening hours? If it was a lock in, why would he have been invited to stay, as a stranger? What church? In the town centre? On a bench outside? Or was he sleeping on the ground? What made him choose to wander around to find a quiet, out of the way church rather than a 24 hour cafe/mcds or even a large hotel lobby where he could have ordered coffee? Or a well lit bus stop right outside the train station in full view of cctv? Ready for the first train in the morning. And if he’d slept outside, presumably he looked like he’d just showered in his clothes and shoes? Any mud on his clothes? Were his shoes soaking? I’d message the mutual friend and say ‘Have fun last night?’ and see what he says. See if his story matches up with the flannel your partner is about to give you.

Do his very expensive earphones not have tracking ability? Most do.

😆

I really must take a stroll through my local churchyard some time soon. From what I read here I'll hardly be able to get through for all the drunk mumsnetters sleeping it off.

No, hes had a bed somewhere...

Try to call out an AI generated comment, tagged the wrong comment. Apologies.

What a major overreaction from OP and the majority of people commenting. You must all have suffocating relationships. If my husband did this I'd think he was an absolute twat, and I would be pissed off with him for making me worried. But I wouldn't be angry, sad, and questioning the whole relationship. People are allowed to make mistakes. They're also allowed to make their own decisions.

He should be considering whether he wants a future with someone so overly dramatic and controlling.

Don't listen to people on mumsnet, doing their usual over reaction of "he's cheating, LTB"
Talk to him.

Ugh. I hate this sort of reply - "ignore everyone else, it's all flowers and kittens". Don't be so quick to disregard others. When I asked a question on here, I really valued everyone's opinions and the wide range of experiences people were offering me. I would also never tell an op not to listen to anyone else. It's the height of arrogance.

As for "just talk to him", well if he's done something he's not supposed to, he's going to lie, isn't he?

@TheBlueRobin
I’m sorry to say, but this sounds like my ex-partner (very recent split — 2 weeks ago). We were together for 19 years, have 3 children together and we’re both 34.
This started for us last year. He went out to see a “friend” of his who he has a small boxing gym business with. They were going to the local pub to talk about business etc. He came home at 3am. The pub shuts at 11.
This wasn’t normal for us at all, so obviously I questioned where the hell he’d been and why on earth he was out that late. We live in a very built-up town, so you can find somewhere open at pretty much any time of night.
I got the usual explanation and apologies. He showed me pictures, timelines, they’d met up with more friends — the usual shit. So I knew he hadn’t been with someone else, and to be fair, he’s never been that type.
I just wish I’d scared him to death about losing me then. I wish I’d gone down hard on it and made an example of the situation, because let me tell you, it progressed. It went from that one night to nights where he wouldn’t come home at all, or would stroll through the door at 6/7am.
The final straw was 2 weeks ago. He went out at around 3pm and told me he’d be back at 5:30 with a curry from our favourite place, so not to bother sorting dinner. By 7/8pm I’d heard nothing and I just knew it was going to be one of those nights again.
He walked in at 4am.
That morning I told him to get out and not come back. It had happened so many times by then that, to him, it had almost become normal — and that is absolutely not okay.
I’m actually quite laid-back and reasonable, but this finished me. He’s been drinking more since his dad was diagnosed with cancer and unfortunately it seems to have become a normal outlet for him now.
Funny really, because he had all these great nights with his so-called friends, but now he’s out on his arse and living in a hotel, those friends are nowhere to be seen!!!
I’m not telling you any of this to compare our partners or suggest that yours will definitely go the same way. I’m only giving you a bit of our backstory because, woman to woman, my advice would be: make an example of this the first time. Do not play it down and do not brush it off.
He’s been out all night. Unless we were there, none of us truly know the when, what or where of it all. You don’t have to accuse him of anything, but you’re perfectly entitled to make it very clear that disappearing all night without even letting you know is not something you’re willing to accept.
Make the fuss now, so you can both move forward into your marriage knowing exactly where the boundary is and that this cannot happen again.
Somewhere along the line, women have been told that we should be “laid-back”, “easy-going” and not cause a fuss.
No thanks. Cause the fuss.
I wish I had the first time, because maybe I wouldn’t have ended up where I am now.

Is that you OP fiancé?

Is there no uber where you live? I’d not be marrying this man, he’s a liar.

I’m convinced he cheated sorry, I’m friends with too many lovely family men who adore their wives who people would never in a million years think would cheat who I know for a 100% fact have when in a state. His story sounds like bullshit why wouldn’t he accept the lift home, are his clothes soaked through?

Don't listen to people on mumsnet, doing their usual over reaction of "he's cheating, LTB"
Talk to him
Communicate
Tell him your concerns
"How" concerning his story is, really depends on where you are, tbh. He doesn't make a habit of this, so thats not a worry. Binge drinking is not advisable, but many of us do it. Sleeping outside a church/ graveyard in most places, was probably relatively safe. Main thing is that he's OK, but make your expectations for the future clear. Personally I'd prefer my partner to ring me at 3am for a lift than sleep out in the rain. In the same way, I'd expect them to come pick me up, if I found myself in that situation.

Christ it was one night out and you're questioning your future? What a massive overreaction.
He's an adult, he was stupid, he's remorseful if be moving on without a second thought other than to laugh over it in future

I’m sorry but, and I’m speaking from experience here, he did not sleep outside a church. This is 100% a lie and you need to question why he’s needed to lie about his whereabouts.

please don’t be so deluded and blinded by your upcoming wedding to believe this crap off him , what you put up with you end up with , your friend isn’t going to outright say so close to your wedding that he’s cheated etc

Ask to see the CCTV from outside the church. Check his bank account for last nights transactions. That will give clarity hopefully. Sounds like a tall tale but let him prove himself before binning him

He was in a city which clearly has a night life so there’ll be taxis. Even when I lived in Cirencester where there were so few taxis (I once couldn’t get on at all on a Sunday), there’d be a few milling about at kicking out time.

Not necessarily, he might have done but there are also normal bars that are open until about 5am where people go after they’ve been clubbing.

That's a tall story.

He could have just gone back to one of his friend's place if he had missed the last train and at least message you to let you know what was happening and that he would not be back home that night.

My thoughts would be that he was either so drunk he did not even know what he was doing or there is more to it.

Frankly I am not a fan of big drinkers so the alcohol bit would be enough for me to reconsider the marriage. I would not want to live with a man over 30 who still gets drunk to that extent.

Where you live must be a rarity because I live in a small ish town and you can get a taxi at any time of day or night. We have three active taxi ranks that you can walk to and there will be a line of them waiting.

Why would anyone who had access to money think of sleeping in a churchyard rather than paying for a hotel or getting a taxi home?

It would literally be last resort to do that, something is off here. He either stayed somewhere he doesn’t want to tell you or he was under the influence of something and he didn’t want you to see him like this. Either way it isn’t good and is not the behaviour of a fully grown man.

I wouldn’t be able to live not knowing when the next innocent pint out would lead to my husband not coming home all night and wondering what he was doing or where he was.

Anyone can cheat. Do you really think people get with their partners and think “yes they’re a cheater.” Of course they don’t. Everyone likes to think their other half would never do that.