Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be shaken after fiancé stayed out all night?

257 replies

TheBlueRobin · 29/08/2026 07:21

My fiance (M33) didn't come home last night after a night out in our nearest city. I (F33) am so shocked my anger hasn't kicked in yet. We get married in 7 weeks.

He had this night out planned for a little while, going out with a work friend for some food and one of those interactive game places to do darts etc. Later in the night he bumped into a mutual friend of ours who I know is a big drinker and one for nights out. The last time I heard from him was 9:30 where he sent a selfie of the two of them and a comment about our friend's crazy stories. He said he was getting the last train at 11:30 so would be home around midnight. So I went to sleep.

I wake up at 6am to our hungry cats, notice he is not in bed or the spare room and nothing on the Ring doorbell to show he had come home. I presumed he had stayed at friend's house in the city and just said 'look send me a message when you wake up and I can pick you up'. He replied quite quickly saying he was getting the first train home. I asked where he slept and he gave a garbled response saying our friend left him and by that time it was 2am. He went to a late night place and then just walked around and then slept outside a church. He had a thick rain coat on but I was so shocked at his response and disregard for his own personal safety. He had just been paid so could have afforded a taxi or got a cheap hotel or something. He was still quite drunk when I picked him up but he seemed remorseful and in fact quite shocked at his actions. He's sleeping it off now and we'll talk later. It was pouring with rain outside as well.

For context, my partner does like a drink but is not a frequent drinker. His last crazy night out was his stag in June and before that a few months before. We do drink together. I have no concerns about him cheating or anything like being aggressive. But it feels like a switch goes in his head and he just has no regard for his actions and keeps drinking.

He is a good, loving, kind, funny man, he is very loving, affectionate and we have a good relationship. But this has thrown me. If this happened more frequently I wouldn't be with him. If this was earlier in our relationship, it would be a big red flag. We got together in our mid twenties when this kind of thing could be laughed off as part of youth but at 33 you should know better.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 29/08/2026 08:45

Yeah, I don’t believe a word of his story. Why walk around at 2am instead of heading home. Keep an open mind OP and don’t immediately believe everything he says.

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 29/08/2026 08:42

What was the “late night place” he went to?

Twogonksandapencil · 29/08/2026 08:41

Sorry but I also think his story doesn't sound believable at all. He would surely just have stayed with his friend or got a taxi home. And if he was really stranded why not message you to let you know what was going on? It just doesn't add up, and if things don't add up that's usually because they aren't true.

oviraptor21 · 29/08/2026 08:40

Doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world or unreasonable to me. No way would he be calling OP for a lift at 2am as a PP suggested.
Sleeping in a church porch is quite a sensible thing to do. He probably didn't have enough wits about him to get a taxi and was tired so just holed up in the nearest convenient place. If his actions (tired/hungover) match his words I wouldn't be suspicious but might be worth him working out a strategy so it doesn't happen again.

DeathNote11 · 29/08/2026 08:39

Is he getting a ride on a magical unicorn back home now? You'll obviously believe anything, you'll learn.

Springtimeinsunshine · 29/08/2026 08:39

If he slept outside in the rain then just how drenched is he? He should be soaked to his underpants and probably cold to the touch.

I couldn't live/marry with someone who slept outside though rather than get a cheap travelodge for the night.

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/08/2026 08:36

Don marry him. He’s playing silly buggers already.

theonlyonestillawake · 29/08/2026 08:35

Yeah, sorry I'm not sure I would believe he slept in a church yard. It's a bit like he panicked and when asked he thought "think of somewhere better than where I actually was..... church!"

It doesn't mean he cheated, but I don't feel like you've got the full story

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 29/08/2026 08:34

Ablondiebutagoody · 29/08/2026 07:51

We've all been there. Sounds like a good night out!

😂😂😂 Really?? You think we’ve all slept all night outside a church? Ffs! 🤦‍♀️

EppingIsFun · 29/08/2026 08:30

Yeah, right. It's not too late to call off the wedding, don't fall into the 'sunk cost fallacy'. If it would have been a red flag for you earlier on, it's not less of a red flag just because you have a wedding booked. He was probably with another woman. Sleeping outside a church? I don't believe a word of it.

Sulgari · 29/08/2026 08:30

Do you believe the sleeping outdoors story @TheBlueRobin ?

that, together with him making sure you didn’t collect him this morning makes me think this is all bollocks

dootball2 · 29/08/2026 08:25

Nothing ruins a night out more than paying £££ for a taxi home at the end. At the time if can seem sensible to wait for the first train!

Poppycorn123 · 29/08/2026 08:20

Strange thing to do but if the taxi situation is bad where you live then it could be plausible. He was probably really drunk , in that state I doubt he could perform sexually so hopefully he hasn't cheated. If he was making up excuses he could have said he went back to the friend's house and fell asleep there. As a pp said you could check his maps.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 29/08/2026 08:18

Doesn't sound like he has cheated given the state he was in but these kinds of heavy drinking nights are awful and really not compatible with being married and grown up, and especially not with being a parent. June was only 2 months ago. Every 2-3 months is pretty frequent.

TooOrangey · 29/08/2026 08:17

Ablondiebutagoody · 29/08/2026 07:51

We've all been there. Sounds like a good night out!

Er, no we haven’t.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 29/08/2026 08:16

oh thats a crock of nonsense, but you know this already. Good luck getting the truth.

3luckystars · 29/08/2026 08:12

Im not sure why you are so convinced he hasn’t cheated. That’s very likely I am sorry to say.

ExplodingCarrots · 29/08/2026 08:10

Ablondiebutagoody · 29/08/2026 07:51

We've all been there. Sounds like a good night out!

I can say I’ve never not managed to get myself home and slept outside in the rain when I could have easily got myself a taxi or called for someone to get me . Same for DH.

Ialwaysthoughtitwasadojo · 29/08/2026 08:09

I’ve had some wild nights over the years but I’ve always always found a taxi, a lift or stayed with a friend…. OR I’ve pulled and gone home with them. I’ve never slept rough or know anyone who has. Very odd Op.

TooOrangey · 29/08/2026 08:05

Slept outside a church? Yeah, right.

Sounds highly suspicious to me.

PJ98 · 29/08/2026 08:02

Well, I wouldn't believe that story personally.

Shedsqueek · 29/08/2026 07:54

33 is a bit old for drinking so much as sleeping in a graveyard. He should know better.

Ablondiebutagoody · 29/08/2026 07:51

We've all been there. Sounds like a good night out!

Merrymoonage · 29/08/2026 07:47

@MagneticSquirrel you don’t think staying out drinking alone and choosing to apparently sleep on a park bench for the night is unusual in your 30s?!? What??

TurtleMcTurtle · 29/08/2026 07:46

If he has an iPhone, go to Apple Maps, click on his icon and then places and visited places, you should be able to see where he’s been in the last 24 hours; I highly doubt a church was one of them 🤷‍♀️

Swipe left for the next trending thread