To be so upset by DH comments?

Yep you have a husband problem not a weight problem.

You need to address the core issues in your marriage. Your husband is not pulling his weight, and as a consequence you've put on weight and have no time to look after yourself like he is

You need to stop tolerating that he leaves everything to you at home AND has no qualms about you also killing yourself at work while he can go spend all this time to himself and prioritise his health. I bet he also expects you to contribute financially on top.

I don't understand how women end up with men like this, how they manage to keep their mouth shut about the disparities in responsibilities - and how they manage to not kill these men in their sleep.

Totally agree with this - the thoughtlessness and selfishness of the twat!

What a cheeky bastard your husband is. Swanning off to the gym while you're run ragged with the house and kids then moaning that you dont take care of yourself. Just cant get over the selfishness and bare faced cheek of him. Id tell him you think hes right and youd like to have more time for self care and he'll need to step up with housework and the kids. Divide your time equally so you can do this.

This is what I'm reading too. What a fucking twat. He wants you to pop out three kids, do all the childcare, all the house work, have a job and then still be a size zero after all that. What an absolute fucking gobshite. If any man said anything like that to me about losing weight he would be out on his fucking ear. Get him told. He needs to do his share of everything and give you some time to yourself. You're a person too. What do you need right now? Have a good think about what is missing and do it. Don't ask for permission get him told. This is how it is going to be from now on..........

I was going to say it’s important to still have a sex life and invest in it, but it’s hard to feel sexy when he does nothing to help and you feel exhausted and taken for granted. So a discussion around that would be beneficial. However those comments about your weight are totally unacceptable. I’m not sure I could get past that.

I am not thinking about your weight.

You do sound fed up and run into the ground, and that's hardly surprising.

If YOU had time / energy / motivation to exercise you would probably start to feel better about yourself and more energised because exercise generates energy and endorphins and just makes you feel better.

Would it help to sit down with your DH and go through your days, weekends included, and track how much 'off' time you each get, and carve out ore space for you?

Tell him that you are looking for times to exercise, not in ADDITION to your overwhelmed schedule and list of jobs and responsibilities but INSTEAD of some. (because all the juggling and headspace of work plus kids is exhausting, too)

And explain that for motivation you need his admiration, encouragement and support - not the negging he has so far managed.

And that you expect to see an exponential rise on your energy and self confidence as a result.

This.

And on top of that, he's making you feel insecure, not reassuring and uplifting you, and implying that you need to lose weight/are less attractive. It's shitty.

Why are you doing most of the childcare/housework while he has plenty of time to exercise? What days do you work and do you have any child free non-working days? If so maybe you could exercise in the morning and if necessary he can do some of the chores (instead of exercising/ when he finishes work if need be). A couple of exercise sessions a week plus a focus on nutrition and you will lose the dress size very quickly. But it doesn't sound like that is actually the main issue.

It sounds like he’s run you into the ground like a slave whilst he’s enjoyed exercising time for himself. What a cunt.

Ok so tell us the context of that comment. Out the blue? In response to something you said?

you’re clearly unhappy with how you look and I get that.

He needs to pull his weight with the house and kids, that's the only way for you to be less knackered in the evenings and have more time and energy.

I'm not sure why you are blaming yourself so much OP. He needs to do more at home so you have time to take care of yourself. Ask more of him. Inform him you are going to an exercise class / out for a jog or whatever and he needs to sort out the kids and housework.

I'm not sure I could love a man who was so oblivious to my struggles in all honesty.

Has he said you’re unattractive? I think he’s just talking about wanting more physical connection and you not having time to look after yourself (clothes, haircuts, material things). To resolve this he needs to step up and take more responsibility within the household, so that you have some ‘me time’. You also could buy a few nice casual outfits and get your hair done to make you feel better about yourself.

What do you need to do to feel better about yourself? Prioritize exercise for sure, which is a great all rounder for general mood, physical well being, weight, mindset and role modeling to your kids.

If I were a woman who worked part time, did most of the housework and childcare and was stuck at home while my dh pursued
a significant exercise load, I would find him very very unattractive. The marriage would be terminal. Op, claim some time, tell him he’s selfish and not doing enough at home to support you having time off like he does.

Quite possibly he's being mean and rude. Possibly he''s saying he is noticing that you aren't as confident and well as you used to be, understandably with the pressure you are under. Try to find out what he means, but look after yourself as a priority. If you're not happy with your appearance there may be simple things to do to help, including having more fun and relaxation.

He needs to make an effort to take the load off you so you can feel rested enough to take care of yourself. He’s taking time, how much do you get?

I also doubt that this was about your weight. More likely you are feeling bad about yourself - tired, stressed, guilty about minor weight gain, etc - and therefore maybe you aren’t maybe dressing a nicely, taking as much care with hair, etc, as you would do if you felt happy and confident? Above all when we feel we look bad we don’t meet the world with a happy smile and confident stride, which actually is a big part of what makes us look good. That’s all pretty normal. But you really should talk to him about how you make time for you to exercise- never mind your weight, it’s the best possible thing for mental health. He should be doing whatever is needed so you can go for a walk or swim or to a yoga class or whatever on the weekend and occasionally before or after work.

Morning sex?

The thing is he didn’t reference your weight, what it does look like is maybe you don’t make an effort with your appearance any more. Hair, makeup, clothed style etc, which is understandable

so can yoh ask him to do more with the kids, have you seen your gp for a medication review?

Oh OP, you sound really sad and my heart goes out to you.

You've apologised twice in your post and there's no need, I seen why what he said made you feel bad. You need a bit of a confidence boost, start to carve out some time for yourself and do something you enjoy.

I think he was just concerned that you had lost yourself over the years and hadn’t noticed it creep up on you so slowly. I don’t think he meant it badly

I work full time, as does my husband and I have three children aged 7, 5 and 3. The majority of housework and childcare still falls to me. I used to love going to the gym prior to having children.

i’m now a size 12 whereas previously I was a 6-8. I really dislike how I look when I used to keep in shape. I’ve realised nothing is going to change unless I prioritise myself. I get up and go to the gym at 6:30am. I’m much better in the morning and I can work out before work and still do the school runs, go to work and collect the children from school and carry on working in the evening once they are in bed.

i have also prioritised my beauty regime. Your husband is saying to you that you’ve let yourself go and you don’t prioritise yourself anymore so in effect why should he? You lead by the example you set as to how you want to be treated. It’s harsh but true. I no longer put myself last. I let my husband look after the children in the morning and I just walk out of the door. He’s more than capable even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Your children are older than mine and honestly I would do the same. This isn’t the version of you that you want. Nothing is going to change unless you make the effort.

I’m doing this for me. If my husband finds me more attractive, great but honestly I don’t care as I’m putting myself first for me. Only you can change how you feel about yourself. Also I use Chat GBT to motivate me and to let me know it’s okay to put myself first for once. It’s honestly better for my family if I do!

If you want to DM me to chat more then please do. For me what changed was I wanted more from myself and hated my self loathing. I’m only 2 weeks into my habit changing start and I already feel so much better!