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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD going Vegan

143 replies

dilema12 · 28/08/2026 20:47

DD has always been a fussy eater and for some time now she's been picking at her food at meal times leaving most of it. When I tried to approach her about it I never got an answer but last night she came to me to tell me she's vegetarian and in the process of switching to vegan. I would be lying if I said I'm not concerned, mainly around deficiencies of vitamins etc as she won't take multivitamins.

I feel I would be cruel not to support her decision and reasoning behind it, DD is 14 so understands what being vegetarian or vegan means and she has a right to decide for her self so I support her and will get her meat alternatives now I know but DP on the other hand has said "oh no we ain't doing that this house ain't a f*ING cafe" I now feel I'm stuck between my DD and my DP and he does do most of the cooking but doesn't make it right for him to dictate at meal times.

I think in making this post I wanted to know what would you do in this situation, AIBU to go against DP and buy the meat alternatives anyway?

OP posts:
Hghardy · 28/08/2026 21:46

My daughter decided she wanted to be vegetarian at 13 as a family of 6 it was a bit of an adjustment organising meals but we respected her decision. We supported her and it was actually really good and helped us all actually eat less meat, be adventurous and thoughtful about the food we eat.Whilst at uni she decided to drop all animal products and is now vegan. She takes a b12 supplement but eats really well and has a very healthy diet.

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 21:45

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 21:41

Quelle surprise 🙄

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and this

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 21:45

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 28/08/2026 21:33

Your "D"P sounds controlling to me. Only he is allowed to cook and everyone has to follow the same diet as him.
Why do you allow him to treat you and DD that way? It's one thing for him to say I'm not cooking vegan food and quite another to say I'm not cooking vegan food and no-one else is allowed to either. Tell him to stop being a twat.

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and this

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 21:44

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 28/08/2026 21:32

I knew before you even posted that you were going to say he wasn’t her dad. I’m guessing as ever there is more background and the controlling part over the cooking is the tip of the iceberg.

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this

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 21:44

dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:11

She is able to cook yes, but DP doesn't want anyone cooking except him, DP is not DD's dad

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ah and there's the problem.....what right does he to decree who may cook and who may not? what else does he lay down the law about? And why should he be parenting your child?

Bollihobs · 28/08/2026 21:41

dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:22

I understand that but DD's response is but no animal is harmed in the process

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Oh dear, that shows an extremely limited, if not non-existent understanding of diet and nutrition on her part. She's making her choices around a single goal "no animal died for this".

I would try and explain to her that that still doesn't make it healthy for her to eat UPFs and that her body isn't going to process that sort of intake any better just because she's "doing a good thing".

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 21:41

dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:26

Yeah he can be controlling in other ways

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Quelle surprise 🙄

LauritaEvita · 28/08/2026 21:41

VickyEadie · 28/08/2026 21:10

This is one of those threads that makes me realise I'm too old and from too working class a background for a lot of what gets discussed on Mumsnet! I keep imagining what my late mother would've said if I'd declared myself vegetarian - let alone vegan when I was 14 (in1972...).

But the responsibility would have been entirely mine.

Same!

Ilovesandwiches · 28/08/2026 21:38

could it even mean that actually she ends up eating more? because maybe food will be more inviting to her if it’s vegan, if the idea of eating meat produce may have been putting her off eating?

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 28/08/2026 21:33

dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:11

She is able to cook yes, but DP doesn't want anyone cooking except him, DP is not DD's dad

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Your "D"P sounds controlling to me. Only he is allowed to cook and everyone has to follow the same diet as him.
Why do you allow him to treat you and DD that way? It's one thing for him to say I'm not cooking vegan food and quite another to say I'm not cooking vegan food and no-one else is allowed to either. Tell him to stop being a twat.

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 28/08/2026 21:32

dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:11

She is able to cook yes, but DP doesn't want anyone cooking except him, DP is not DD's dad

Show quote history

I knew before you even posted that you were going to say he wasn’t her dad. I’m guessing as ever there is more background and the controlling part over the cooking is the tip of the iceberg.

Original poster
dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:29

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 28/08/2026 21:28

He's not her dad? And he thinks this is his decision why???

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He just likes to be in control but he does mean well

OP posts:
SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 28/08/2026 21:28

dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:11

She is able to cook yes, but DP doesn't want anyone cooking except him, DP is not DD's dad

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He's not her dad? And he thinks this is his decision why???

Didion · 28/08/2026 21:27

It's admirable that she's taken this decision.

No need to cook separate meals every day - every person in the household would benefit from vegan meals.

Original poster
dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:26

ManchesterGirl2 · 28/08/2026 21:24

In that case he's being pretty unreasonable, to deny her the food she wants but also deny her the opportunity to use the kitchen to cook her own. Is he controlling in other ways?

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Yeah he can be controlling in other ways

OP posts:
Original poster
dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:25

scoopsahoooy · 28/08/2026 21:20

Yeah this was my first thought too. May be completely wrong but going from eating very little -> vegan (or other restricted but accepted) diet is a pipeline to eating disorder I've seen quite a few times.

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At this stage I'm not concerned about ED she's not thin and the picking with food is mainly at evening meal

OP posts:
littlebabycheeses99 · 28/08/2026 21:25

scoopsahoooy · 28/08/2026 21:20

Yeah this was my first thought too. May be completely wrong but going from eating very little -> vegan (or other restricted but accepted) diet is a pipeline to eating disorder I've seen quite a few times.

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I was going to say the same thing too. This happened with my DS who now has an eating disorder.

Just be careful and on the ball OP.

ManchesterGirl2 · 28/08/2026 21:24

dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:11

She is able to cook yes, but DP doesn't want anyone cooking except him, DP is not DD's dad

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In that case he's being pretty unreasonable, to deny her the food she wants but also deny her the opportunity to use the kitchen to cook her own. Is he controlling in other ways?

Dandeloosha · 28/08/2026 21:22

Your DD learns to cook, and she takes responsibility for her diet. My DD went vegetarian about the same age - though in practice she was mostly vegan as she didn’t like eggs or cheese. She came shopping with me and chose what she wanted. She meal prepped lunches and learned how to use legumes. I often just ran a separate pot for her at mealtimes and made the same as us - so prepping same veg and starch - and then one pot would have say, chicken curry, and the other one would have chickpea curry. A lot of vegans don’t like meat substitutes, and they’re almost always UPF, so focusing on pulses and grains, might be a way forward. The main thing though is that she needs to be proactive.

Original poster
dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:22

Bollihobs · 28/08/2026 21:18

Please do carefully look at the content of any "vegan alternatives" - meat, dairy or whatever - an awful lot of the processed, packaged stuff you're going to see sits squarely in the UPF category and is anything but healthy.

I understand that but DD's response is but no animal is harmed in the process

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 28/08/2026 21:21

Nutrient wise, if she won't take a supplement the most important thing is to buy something with added B12. Google will give options so she can see but lots of plant milks have this. If you have a freezer the two of you could have a nice batch cooking day or evening and put in single serve portions?

scoopsahoooy · 28/08/2026 21:20

Leeds2 · 28/08/2026 21:19

I would be concerned that DD was going vegan to carry on having an eating disorder. I say this because you mention her being a fussy eater, and my daughter's school (DD is now 28!) told us that going veggie/vegan is a way for girls to avoid eating without undue comment. I hope this is not true for your DD.

I would otherwise try to accommodate her preferences, whilst making it clear that she would have to be the major decision maker in planning her meals. If she wants to cook for herself, I would let her. I don't think that is DP's decision.

Yeah this was my first thought too. May be completely wrong but going from eating very little -> vegan (or other restricted but accepted) diet is a pipeline to eating disorder I've seen quite a few times.

Leeds2 · 28/08/2026 21:19

I would be concerned that DD was going vegan to carry on having an eating disorder. I say this because you mention her being a fussy eater, and my daughter's school (DD is now 28!) told us that going veggie/vegan is a way for girls to avoid eating without undue comment. I hope this is not true for your DD.

I would otherwise try to accommodate her preferences, whilst making it clear that she would have to be the major decision maker in planning her meals. If she wants to cook for herself, I would let her. I don't think that is DP's decision.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 21:19

dilema12 · 28/08/2026 21:11

She is able to cook yes, but DP doesn't want anyone cooking except him, DP is not DD's dad

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And you’re with him why, exactly?

He sounds like a right wanker.

Ponderingwindow · 28/08/2026 21:19

A kitchen rota or something is going to need to happen. He has to let you or her cook.

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