DD going Vegan

I would accommodate her being vegan as I think it’s a great lifestyle choice. Yes some of the meat substitutes are processed, but a lot of meat is also processed…

It's a story as old as time.

I've seen this said so many times this week alone - is it the latest Mumsnet must-say?

I know it's a phrase as old as time, but it's suddenly spreading like a rash.

You have a DP problem. He's controlling, as you are already know, it's not fair to subject your child to a controlling dictator of a man in her home.

I would avoid meat alternatives, they are highly processed, and although no animals have been harmed, they will harm her. There are so many lovely tasty vegan meals without all the highly processed crap in them.

As for your DP not allowing anyone else to cook in their own home, well, I'm not sure what to say to that, other than get rid of the controlling twat.

With respect, you have come onto a public forum for advice about your daughter. Several women have said she's displaying markers of a potential ED. All from a place of help and concern.

That's not playing doctor. Thats women with experience replying to your ask for advice.

Perhaps see a GP instead of asking the Internet.

Could he stop being like that?

I went veggie at 14 in 1977 and grew up on a council estate with my mum as a single parent. It was easy. If she was doing egg and chips, beans or tomatoes on toast, tinned tomato or vegetable soup I ate with the family. If she was doing meat I had the vegetables and a handful of nuts. Soya milk on my weetabix. We never had cheese in the house because no one liked it. The only change she made was to go from lard to vegetable fat for cooking. I also learnt to cook.

OP, I've been veggie for 50 years and vegan for a lot of that. There are some decent processed foods but try to avoid the quorn vegan foods as they're full of salt and quite unpleasant.
She could batch cook and freeze meals for herself so that when you're having rice she can take a chilli or a curry out of the freezer, pasta she takes out a bolognese, anything with potatoes she could have a shepherds pie mix. Loads of good recipes online and it's not automatically the start of an eating disorder. There's an awful lot of weirdness on MN whenever veganism pops up. I
https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/diets/vegan

I would go against DP and buy and cook DD vegan food. Support your daughter.

One thing you should absolutely insist on is iron intake, especially at her age.Get a dr appointment and ask the doctor to explain to DD the importance of iron and make recommendations on iron supplements.
Also be cautious about meat alternatives and soya content. Soya is a well known plant based /equivalent of oestrogen. At her age, she has to be careful about hormones. Aldo soya is intensively grown and often laden pesticides.
Otherwise let her crack on, be supportive and guide her through this stage of her life.

Get the man out of your child's home.

If you're ever in a scenario where you need to pick between a boyfriend and your child, it's an easy answer.

I wouldn't be inclined to prepare different meals for her. She needs to make her own. I would try and pay as little attention to this as posible although it must be worrying. And hope it doesn't develop into an eating disorder.

Exactly.

Also, animal fats are critical for brain development.

VickyEadie I went vegetarian when I was 7 in 1969 and vegan at 11 in 1973. I came from a poor working class family in East London but my mum was wonderful. Took me to GP, he said “she’ll be fine” and then she bought a batch of red lentils and made pies, sausage rolls, pizzas, stews and soups. I’ve only recently realised that they all contained basically the same lentil/veg mix. But at least she tried.

This sounds like the start of orthorexia, which can spiral to much worse. Believe there's a dedicated area on MM for ED help and advice. Good luck, OP.

If she's anything like me she won't eat sausages grilled just after the meat ones🤢. So clean the grill and prepare for her first.

My parents didn't have much choice when I said I refused to eat meat in 1984. I was 5 years old and had just learnt that my favourite dishes were dead animals. I refused to eat anything dead so be it fish or lamb. Was ok with eggs and milk because it didn't kill animals. My parents could have shrugged and fed me pasta every day but they wanted me to get my nutriments so they did cook on the side for me (lentils, beans, chick peas, eggs etc).

My friend's daughter did the same at 14 (she "grew out of it" within a couple of years) and i was plant based myself for five years. With my friend's daughter, they were supportive but absolutely firm that this is her decision and she is responsible for meal planning and cooking. She did a rather brilliant job and is a confident cook as a result. I am slightly alarmed by your partner "not liking" anyone else to cook. How are kids meant to learn to be adults?
With myself, I realised that a lot of what I ate was already vegan. A lot of what a typical person would it is vegan, in fact. Nobody turns their nose up at hummus or sorbet unless someone says it's vegan and suddenly it's WW3.
I didn't buy any fake meats. I simply ate a lot of vegetables, beans and pulses. A lot of nut and soy milks and other vegan substitutes are fortified with vit B so she may not need to supplement if she is careful. Protein is more of an issue. It's easy to get protein from vegan sources but, unfortunately it does mean consuming more calories so she needs to be mindful of that. Vegetarian would be a smarter option from that perspective but if she is vegan, rather than plant-based, it's probably not an option.

Ideally you don't want to be using processed meat alternatives much. It will mean your daughter having to learn to cook and understand how to get a balanced variety of nutrients across her meals and she definitely can't be fussy about eating all the other things which are not animal based.

Bin the controlling man and support your child.