Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is an ultimatum ever right?

17 replies

cheesecadet · 28/08/2026 19:51

I'm not sure I agree with ultimatum's, as normally with a deal breaker I'd just walk away, but I feel that I would have to issue one in this case, due to safety.

If your partner said they were going to do something that would 50/50 cause him to die and you'd already taked to them about how you felt/encouraged them not to do but they were still considering it.

It's an activity, that's all I'm saying.

OP posts:
happymirthday · 28/08/2026 19:51

You’re going to have to elaborate

ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/08/2026 19:53

There’s just not enough info here to comment

Crunchymum · 28/08/2026 19:55

An activity that has a 50% chance of death? Are you sure @cheesecadet ?

bigageap · 28/08/2026 19:56

Everest?

concertinacornflake · 28/08/2026 19:56

50/50???

That's got to be an exaggeration.

AbzMoz · 28/08/2026 19:58

I can’t think of anything with a 50/50 likelihood of death other than roulette with a gun or maybe drugs?
If he was being reckless then I think I’d possibly agree with an ultimatum along the lines of if you don’t respect your own life and the impact losing you would have on me you can call it quits right now.
If it was a risky activity but there are managed risks, then I’d want to ensure he was doing everything properly - reputable company, equipment, training etc. I still wouldn’t be happy and would make that clear but if it’s his passion to do whatever I think there comes a point where it’s a calculated risk.

ThatCyanCat · 28/08/2026 20:01

A 50% chance of death?? What is it, Russian roulette for people who can't count to two?

EssCarGo · 28/08/2026 20:01

Following this because I can’t think of any activity that has a 1 in 2 chance of death. Even Russian roulette doesn’t have odds that bad.

5128gap · 28/08/2026 20:02

If you fully intend to leave your relationship if your partner does a certain thing, I think its perfectly reasonable to say so in advance. Fairer than just letting them go ahead without realising loss of the relationship was the price for it. That way they can make an informed choice.

Original poster
cheesecadet · 28/08/2026 20:06

It's Crib Goch, the knife edge of Snowdon and I got the stats wrong, just checked!! I think she's exaggerated quite a bit!

OP posts:
EssCarGo · 28/08/2026 20:07

One death per 30k people apparently 🤷🏻‍♀️

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/08/2026 20:10

EssCarGo · 28/08/2026 20:07

One death per 30k people apparently 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeah so nonsense on the 50%.

I do travel that is outside DH's comfort zome. I will compromise on safety aspects for example wearing safety gear, having a plan, location enabled. But I won't compromise my own risk assessment and not go.

I have very good life insurance!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/08/2026 20:20

cheesecadet · 28/08/2026 20:06

It's Crib Goch, the knife edge of Snowdon and I got the stats wrong, just checked!! I think she's exaggerated quite a bit!

Yeah no kidding! An ultimatum for this would be unreasonable and quite controlling

HeddaGarbled · 28/08/2026 20:30

What a pair of drama llamas. I think you’re well-suited.

Original poster
cheesecadet · 28/08/2026 20:35

HeddaGarbled · 28/08/2026 20:30

What a pair of drama llamas. I think you’re well-suited.

Ha ha, yeah we both are! She also told me that she went like jelly cleaning the tops of the windows the other day on a ladder, still think I am?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 28/08/2026 21:08

Only give if you are prepared to follow through or else pointless and they know it

Konstantine8364 · 28/08/2026 21:14

As long as your fit, wearing sensible hiking boots, have scrambling experience, crib goch is fine, I did it this summer and really enjoyed it. Giving someone an ultimatum for going on a hike is absolutely mental.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread