Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
JaneyDC · 29/08/2026 07:55

kombuchabucha · 28/08/2026 22:41

Unpopular opinion perhaps but with the context I think he should have spoken to you first! I say this because after our washer/dryer packed up I've been weighing up the options for us: new dryer (we got a second hand washer for free) new washer/dryer, heated drying rack, dehumidifier next to normal drying rack. This is worth a discussion! There's also a running cost associated with the heated dryer and electricity prices are going up again!

From my recent research I believe buying a dehumidifier to put next to your normal drying rack would have been a better purchase - they supposedly dry clothes faster and they take the moisture out of the air to prevent damp problems in the room.

Show quote history

We have both a heated airer and a dehumidifier. We no longer use the heated airer as the dehumidifier is so much better at drying clothes and as you mentioned, removes damp from the air.

JaneyDC · 29/08/2026 07:50

YABU.

By the way, we have a heated airer and then purchased a dehumidifier. The dehumidifier wins hands down for drying clothes quickly. He's unreasonable for not buying one of those instead!

ThatLemonBear · 29/08/2026 07:47

YABU unless you run every minor purchase past him beforehand

ruethewhirl · 29/08/2026 07:46

Cosyblankets · 28/08/2026 20:13

I wouldn't bat an eyelid.
However in your shoes if it's such a big deal keep your joint account to household bills only and then have your own money

This. Honestly, OP, I think YABU. He was trying to do something helpful. I can't imagine having to check with DH about purchases made for the household, and he wouldn't expect to have to check with me either.

SpiralSister · 29/08/2026 07:43

Unless you are absolutely on the poverty line, which you have said categorically that you are not, this is absolutely bonkers to me.

I simply cannot imagine a life where I had to seek approval from a partner for simple, cheap, domestic purchases. I mean, who has time for this joyless, nit picking, controlling nonsense?

user1492757084 · 29/08/2026 07:30

Thank your DH for thinking about how he will manage large loads of damp washing all Winter.
Brilliant that he will set it up, fill it up and fold clothes from it. Wow. He's a team player and a keeper.

ThatHangryRubyReader · 29/08/2026 07:26

You sound very controlling. I wonder if that is because there is something else going on in your relationship that you feel you need to be like that.

Potatoespotaarrrrtos · 29/08/2026 07:18

This is bonkers. He’s right you’re completely controlling.

Knickerbockermisery · 29/08/2026 07:12

YABU.

Can you get a link off him please. Thanks.

Ali2710 · 29/08/2026 07:01

You sound like hard work.

Xanhi · 29/08/2026 06:45

I wouldn't be able to have a joint bank account with someone as controlling as you.

HoppingPavlova · 29/08/2026 06:34

Tbf I can see why he'd want it because apparently they dry things quicker and use less than the tumble dryer, but I still think we could have discussed it first

I’m on team DH. There is no way I’d be wanting to discuss such things with DH, what a waste of our time. I could not bring myself to get worked up over this.

Wadsworthy · 29/08/2026 06:32

YABU and controlling.

It looks as though you regard your shared home with your DH as yours only and he can’t take any interest or initiative in stuff for the shared house.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 29/08/2026 06:16

TerfOnATrain · 29/08/2026 06:04

Not an issue, but anyway OP you’ll win, because they are shit and only dry quickly where the bars touch the clothes. Biggest waste of money ever IMO, stick your stuff on the radiator and kill two birds with one stone.

The type we have has a hot air blower at the base, the bars themselves don't heat up

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 29/08/2026 06:15

I usually tell my DH I'm buying something, just to check he's not buying the same, but if you can afford it I don't see the issue tbh so YABU I think you're being controlling

If he was getting daily Amazon parcels of crap that would be a different matter

Icecreammonster · 29/08/2026 06:06

Unless he has form for not managing money well or wasting it I think YABU. Have seen you update its a heated airer and can’t imagine that not being used. They also take the edge off a room in terms of temperature. Assuming you have room for it, that is a bargain!

TerfOnATrain · 29/08/2026 06:04

Not an issue, but anyway OP you’ll win, because they are shit and only dry quickly where the bars touch the clothes. Biggest waste of money ever IMO, stick your stuff on the radiator and kill two birds with one stone.

Speakeasier · 29/08/2026 05:55

i feel sorry for him. Adults should be able to buy inexpensive things without running it past their spouse or getting a flea in their ear. I wonder how much you give the poor man a hard time. It sounds miserable. Who made you the boss?

Morepositivemum · 29/08/2026 05:41

I don’t buy anything anyway (money issues) but wouldn’t like that I’d have to actually explain to dh why I wanted something, it takes away from the spontaneity. My friends regularly say ‘I just saw this and bought it, it’s very cool’, ringing a dp first would totally take away from that

Frrrout · 29/08/2026 05:37

That poor man.

onesinglepringle · 29/08/2026 05:32

I think you are being silly.

It's a £40 clothes airer, sounds very practical.

It's not like he spent £300 on an ultra-soda-syrup-waffle-maker 4000.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 29/08/2026 04:56

You said you aren't struggling for money so YABU and controlling. I could NOT live like that having to run a £40 purchase past my DH. Yuk.

AJLOAL · 29/08/2026 04:44

🙄

Dweetfidilove · 29/08/2026 01:53

A discussion over a £40 airer? Unless you're quite cash strapped, YABU!

Aubin7 · 29/08/2026 01:46

YABU
Surely you don't have discuss every small purchase.