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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WtP · 29/08/2026 18:26

TourDeChance · 29/08/2026 18:24

What did he buy? It makes a difference. Air fryer or spangly fluffy coat for the dog.

Try reading a thread before just jumping in!

TourDeChance · 29/08/2026 18:24

What did he buy? It makes a difference. Air fryer or spangly fluffy coat for the dog.

Surgz · 29/08/2026 18:21

Yep YABU

GoodkneeBadKnee · 29/08/2026 18:15

Disturbia81 · 29/08/2026 16:28

Definitely most, step out of your middle class bubble. Most are struggling.

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You know nothing about me. Or about thr finances of "most people". "Definitely" my arse .

NaiceEagle · 29/08/2026 18:14

I' d praise him for the practical, thoughtful thing he's done.
He used his initiative and I think come days of wet weather it will be really well used.
I feel sorry for him tbh.
Some things we have to let go.
You are being unreasonable.

2O26 · 29/08/2026 18:13

OP, at first I thought you were being controlling, since it's only £40. But when I saw how big they are, I get it. They take up a lot of room!

BooBooDoodle · 29/08/2026 18:07

You sound a bit precious. That’s something good for the house. Your DH has obviously used his initiative and bought something very useful. Why did he have to mention he was buying something? Do you control everything that comes into the house? It’s his house to I’m guessing? I order things all the time, as does my DH and we don’t announce everything or discuss it. Why are you seeing your arse over him not mentioning he’d ordered something? 🙄

Askingforafriendtoday · 29/08/2026 18:00

Very controlling, very unreasonable

Waitingfordoggo · 29/08/2026 18:00

This depends entirely on the household income and budget doesn’t it? Some households will have people ordering £100s worth of stuff without discussing it with their partner. Other couples have to be a lot more careful with spending and would need to run it past their OH.

restingbitchface30 · 29/08/2026 17:59

I’d be buzzing if my partner bought one of those! We need one now it getting cooler!

Futuremrsdyer · 29/08/2026 17:58

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Garfieldloveslasagnepie · 29/08/2026 17:57

That is a bargain. I’d be more cross if DH didn’t buy it. They’re amazing things

soverymuchdone · 29/08/2026 17:56

£40 is a bargain for one of those. I would be congratulating him on his shopping skills.

Jumpers4goalposts · 29/08/2026 17:56

YABU how many times have you bought something for the house without checking with him first?

LisaFender · 29/08/2026 17:55

Yes, you are being unreasonable. What makes you think he can't choose for the household? Why does only your judgement matter? My husband and I have a system. Either of us can spend up to 100£ without the other's input. Anything more than that needs to be discussed. I feel sorry for your husband

Lilyspickled · 29/08/2026 17:55

Think yourself lucky, I came home from work and found a hideous figured pile 3 piece suite in the front room, in turquoise and grey, complete with fringed cushions, instead of my lovely green one I had just paid o lot of money for it to be recovered. OH’s explanation, oh Fred (or whatever his name was) was selling his electric golf trolley, he threw the suite in as well, he needed the room in his garage. My lovely suite had gone to the neighbours son who had just bought his first house.

worldshottestmom · 29/08/2026 17:54

Unless he does it all the time then yes YABU. he bought a clothes airer, so what.

tommyhoundmum · 29/08/2026 17:54

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

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I didn't know you could get one for £40, mine was over £100 I think.

Stelladid · 29/08/2026 17:51

I think it’s absolutely reasonable for him to have made this decision and bought it in the moment, given that he will use it (whether or not you will). It’s not like he bought a washing machine! You need to chill out a bit IMO.

supersop60 · 29/08/2026 17:49

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

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Aha. Ask him how much it will save on drying costs, and how long it will take to get his £40 back on heating bills.
My DP has the same frame of mind - wants to buy yet another battery for the solar panels at £400 because it will save money in the winter. How many winters do we need to offset that cost?

AlertPinkHiker · 29/08/2026 17:48

Cmon it was £40 is it really worth making such a fuss??

Ileithyia · 29/08/2026 17:47

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

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In this case, yes, I’d be annoyed. I have one, it’s rubbish, the heated rails mean it dries a thin strip of your clothes but the rest dries at about the same rate as they would on a normal airer. I never use it, I find the tall folding airers are more space efficient and dry more clothes in a comparable amount of time.

croydon15 · 29/08/2026 17:47

Your DH is absolutely right that will save you money in the winter as you will not need to use your tumble dryer so much, so you are bu.

Kag13 · 29/08/2026 17:45

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 19:59

Its basically a different style, the heated one is more like a tower thing rather than the normal fold out airer.

Tbf I can see why he'd want it because apparently they dry things quicker and use less than the tumble dryer, but I still think we could have discussed it first 😂

I suppose the normal airer could go if we actually use the heated one all the time, which he says we will. I just don't like buying something before deciding what we're doing with the old one.

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I use our heated drysoon from Lakeland every week. Anything that can’t go in the rumble dryer goes on it, and the clothes are iron dry by the next morning. No wet clothes hanging around the utility room for days in the winter. And it folds down to take up a very small space.
But also get the cover, it makes a massive difference. One of the best things I ever bought for the house.

Disturbia81 · 29/08/2026 16:28

GoodkneeBadKnee · 29/08/2026 14:52

Some people. Probably not most.

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Definitely most, step out of your middle class bubble. Most are struggling.