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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrDobbs · 29/08/2026 19:26

Do you buy stuff for the house without asking him?

Wooky073 · 29/08/2026 19:25

i think heated airer are a love / hate thing. But it’s actually a great purchase for £40. I paid £100 plus for mine. Tips - cover it with a cotton sheet to contain the heat and add a fan. Do that and laundry is dried overnight. Way better and cheaper than tumble drier. I think he has the right for that to come out of household accounts without permission. Unless that £40 meant you couldn’t eat next week

MyUniqueRubyPoet · 29/08/2026 19:21

Depends what it is!

Tuesdayschild50 · 29/08/2026 19:19

Its for the home its a better purchase than a normal airer and 40 pound is good for one of them ...you have a too tight grip if annoyed over this 😒

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/08/2026 19:17

This is why I would never agree to joint finances. Quibbling over spending £40 of my own money would be miserable.

Ileithyia · 29/08/2026 19:01

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 29/08/2026 18:38

Most of them don't work like that.

Ours doesn't have heated rails - it's just a normal airer with a cover and a "fan" that blasts hot air around. It dries a load of laundry in 2 hours.

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I’ve only ever seen the heated rails ones, mine has a cover but it also makes no difference, no fans, like the ones you’re talking about.

AmnesiacsDream · 29/08/2026 19:00

To answer your original question, OP, no that would not annoy me. And to possibly back your DH up a bit, I think it's a bit controlling to complain about him buying one thing, that you can easily afford and that he will use without running it past you first.

But if he does it all the time, significantly eats into your joint income and fills the house up with tat, then I take it all back and I'd be annoyed as all get out.

Hurrain · 29/08/2026 18:55

It never fails to surprise me, the banal stuff people post about!

He could have discussed it. But it really isn’t a big deal. We don’t have a tumble dryer but our heated airer does the job. I feel like his intentions were good!

Monty36 · 29/08/2026 18:54

A big heated airer for £40. If you say that washing and drying you see as your domain only then I can understand why you might think he would talk to you first.
But if, you have made it clear that this area of household work is shared, then no. You are then being VU.

GlitteryRainbow · 29/08/2026 18:53

Coffee maker?

JBud1902 · 29/08/2026 18:51

Serious control freak I feel

WtP · 29/08/2026 18:51

TourDeChance · 29/08/2026 18:47

Why? The post is pretty daft. Are you the MN police?

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Yes, I have a big blue flashing light as well 😂24 hrs ago the OP said what her husband had bought, so it's hardly new info.

DancingInTheMoonlights · 29/08/2026 18:49

I’m always buying things for the home and not asking my husband first. Do you clear all purchases with him before buying anything? Like a new set of towels or a saucepan or a new bin? Surely he’s got a right to buy something for is own home?

Seems like an odd response.

GreenEyesMillennial · 29/08/2026 18:49

Gosh i order so many things for the house without mentioning to my husband

JBud1902 · 29/08/2026 18:48

Seriously £40 on a household item, albeit if your finances are in trouble.
would this of been okay if you had bought it without telling HIM 🤔

TourDeChance · 29/08/2026 18:47

WtP · 29/08/2026 18:26

Try reading a thread before just jumping in!

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Why? The post is pretty daft. Are you the MN police?

DrNo007 · 29/08/2026 18:47

You can use the heated airer without the heat if you want, so presumably you could pass on the unheated airer. Heated airers are great, we have one and use it a lot outside the summer season.

JBud1902 · 29/08/2026 18:45

Se

LLM21 · 29/08/2026 18:45

I'd be bloody delighted if my husband went and got something for the house for £40 that was going to make our lives easier (well mine in particular!) And without having to ask him to get it or get it myself.
If you were talking about replacing your sofa then yeh you need to discuss that but its a clothes airer!

ScartlettSole · 29/08/2026 18:43

This is exactly why my husband and I keep our finances separate because if I want to spend £40 or £400, I bloody will. I'm an adult and its my money. As long as its not leaving you with unpaid bills or going without food, I couldn't say I'd bother.

I have a heated clothes horse and it's a god send in winter!

SandyHappyPerson · 29/08/2026 18:40

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 19:59

Its basically a different style, the heated one is more like a tower thing rather than the normal fold out airer.

Tbf I can see why he'd want it because apparently they dry things quicker and use less than the tumble dryer, but I still think we could have discussed it first 😂

I suppose the normal airer could go if we actually use the heated one all the time, which he says we will. I just don't like buying something before deciding what we're doing with the old one.

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Tbf I can see why he'd want it because apparently they dry things quicker and use less than the tumble dryer, but I still think we could have discussed it first

Well you were going to say you didn't need it or want it, so that is why he didn't ask you.. he should be allowed to make his own decisions on household items, that are practical and money saving, without consulting you.

Only controlling people would get worked up about this.. so that is your answer!

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 29/08/2026 18:38

Ileithyia · 29/08/2026 17:47

In this case, yes, I’d be annoyed. I have one, it’s rubbish, the heated rails mean it dries a thin strip of your clothes but the rest dries at about the same rate as they would on a normal airer. I never use it, I find the tall folding airers are more space efficient and dry more clothes in a comparable amount of time.

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Most of them don't work like that.

Ours doesn't have heated rails - it's just a normal airer with a cover and a "fan" that blasts hot air around. It dries a load of laundry in 2 hours.

Thatsillymama · 29/08/2026 18:29

Both myself and my husband do online shopping and rarely show each other what we are buying. I only get annoyed if he doesn't tell me when packages are arriving.

Beemagirl · 29/08/2026 18:29

Judging by the number of adverts now spamming this thread I’m strongly suspecting click bait.

Realworld10 · 29/08/2026 18:26

DH does this a lot! With more expensive items he will suggest it and I think well we don't need it but if makes you happy go for it, while explaining you will get bored and will end up in the pile of unused or once a year use...

We have separate accounts though so it's his money.

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