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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BlossomLeaves · 28/08/2026 18:55

is it an Alexa?

JLou08 · 28/08/2026 18:54

YABU.
I hope you're not the kind of person who complains about carrying the mental load and then complains whenever their spouse takes the initiative to do something themselves.

mynameiscalypso · 28/08/2026 18:54

This kind of situation is exactly the reason that I keep my own bank account!

tomatoplants · 28/08/2026 18:52

It depends. For some that’s loads of money and would need agreement, especially if from joint money. For some £40 is not a lot and wouldn’t matter as such. The other side of it is if it’s for the house, ideally you’d want to agree as it’s a shared item you both may see/use?

hard to say until we know what it is!!

Kitkate21 · 28/08/2026 18:52

Oh god... I buy stuff for the house all the time. My OH never says a thing apart from that's nice or something. He is not a housey person. I wouldn't buy a sofa without him but small things 100%

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 18:51

If my DH had a go at me for spending £40 of my own money I would tell him to bugger right off.

Raptors · 28/08/2026 18:51

It was £40. Why on earth would I be annoyed at my husband for spending £40? Confused £400 without discussing sure I'd be quite rightly pissed off but £40, no I could even begin to be annoyed.

TheChosenTwo · 28/08/2026 18:51

What was it?
I buy stuff ‘for the house’ from our joint account if I fancy it - if I felt I had to run every little purchase through dh first I’d feel supremely pissed off tbh.

ToomuchCG · 28/08/2026 18:50

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OakElmAsh · 28/08/2026 18:50

Nope every adult should be able to make a 40 quid purchase from the shared budget for something they want for the house without permission/consultation, unless you have absolutely zero spare cash whatsoever.

StrawberryMatchaLatte · 28/08/2026 18:50

Depends on what it is, how much space it took up and if £40 would make a dent in my finances or not.

grinandslothit · 28/08/2026 18:49

We need to know when he bought first

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/08/2026 18:48

£40? Not sure i could get worked up over that unless you're on the bones of your arse? What was it?

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 18:47

Come on op - what was it??

Let Me See The Tea GIF by Bounce
vodkaredbullgirl · 28/08/2026 18:47

What was it he bought?

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