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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Jc2001 · 28/08/2026 19:05

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 19:01

Do you have nothing more important going on in your life?

Jesus Wept.

Show quote history

Seems a bit of an overreaction, but I guess that might depend on how hard up you are for cash. £40 can be a hell of a lot to some people. So maybe it is important to the OP.

Cocopogo · 28/08/2026 19:04

He’s right, you are controlling. Who gets worked up over £40?

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 19:04

This was a let down, op.

mynameiscalypso · 28/08/2026 19:04

I love my heated airer too. I have a normal airer and a tumble dryer but the heated airer is brilliant, especially in winter.

WorkCleanRepeat · 28/08/2026 19:03

I couldn't get worked up about a £40 purchase.

I might have had a quiet little tantrum if it was household furnishings that I wasn't keen on (My husband absolutely wouldn't buy household items though)

Lawnmowers, cars, tv's etc are his domain.

Createausername1970 · 28/08/2026 19:03

I buy small stuff for the house without asking DH, and vice versa.

My only "rule" for DH (and me) is to have a clear idea about it's purpose and also where it's going to live. Don't bring anything into the house that is ultimately going to become "clutter" and end up being taken to a charity shop in 12 months time.

Larger purchases we would chat about, but £40? This is fine.

Edited to say I have seen the item was a heated airer. As long as my "rule" hasn't been broken and there is a place for it to live when not in use, then what's the issue? It's nice he is taking an interest in the laundry process.

ToomuchCG · 28/08/2026 19:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DarkForces · 28/08/2026 19:03

I love my heated airer. Great for drying sheets! It'll grow on you @Nmiddleofnowhere

grinandslothit · 28/08/2026 19:02

Gasp, the horror, the shock, my slothy two toes clutching my pearls

A heated air dryer

As long as he's the one putting the clothes up on it and taking them down I wouldn't mind the purchase

7698mom · 28/08/2026 19:01

YABU
Imagine he gave out to you over spending £40 on something you wanted for the house like decor I assume

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 19:01

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Show quote history

Do you have nothing more important going on in your life?

Jesus Wept.

anewlifeinthesun · 28/08/2026 19:00

YABU

Raptors · 28/08/2026 18:59

All this over a heated airer...bloody hell he's not wrong that you sound controlling.

somanychristmaslights · 28/08/2026 18:59

Controlling much?? 🙄

OuijaBoard · 28/08/2026 18:58

Depends on if (for example): (1) he bought an air fryer that he says needs but you'll never use because you hardly ever fry anything and are happy to use a frying pan if you do. (2) He bought an air fryer because he forgot you already have one or because he liked this new one slightly better. (3) He bought a painting of an air fryer and you find it ugly and don't even want it in the loo. (4) He bought a fryadoodle (air fryer-poodle hybrid) and you know from past experience that he will expect you to feed and walk it. And so on.

What's "normal" depends on what the established norms are for your relationship, either stated or mutually understood. If he didn't violate some rule like "check on any joint purchases over £10 then I'd let it go this time (if you can't persuade him to return it) and see if the two of you can agree on firmer ad more explicit rules going forward.

Original poster
Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

vodkaredbullgirl · 28/08/2026 18:47

What was it he bought?

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

OP posts:
PurplebudsWhitebuds · 28/08/2026 18:56

Well actually I would expect purchases for the house to be at least mentioned and possibly discussed prior to buying. It's a joint living space so the other house owner should get a say in the decision if they want to. If it's something that directly affects any DC and they are of an age to have a proper opinion I would expect a family discussion..

So yes I would be a bit annoyed he didn't mention it before buying it.

JenRummy · 28/08/2026 18:56

Pinkissmart · 28/08/2026 18:56

I feel like there should be rules about posts. Don’t ask for opinions unless you give all the relevant information. Christ these drip feeds and ‘can’t give details or it’s outing ‘ ( when it clearly wouldn’t be) are so damn tedious

💯

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 18:56

👀👀 ?

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?
Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?
JenRummy · 28/08/2026 18:56

Sorry OP. You’re being a pain in the ar*e over this. It is a bit controlling. I wouldn’t be running it by my DH anything minor I wanted to buy and nor would I want him to. It’s ridiculous you couldn’t just turn a blind eye and let him, if it makes him be happy. Your reaction has probably sucked any joy out of it for him though and who wants their partner to have veto and final say over something so small?

Pinkissmart · 28/08/2026 18:56

I feel like there should be rules about posts. Don’t ask for opinions unless you give all the relevant information. Christ these drip feeds and ‘can’t give details or it’s outing ‘ ( when it clearly wouldn’t be) are so damn tedious

B1anche · 28/08/2026 18:55

YABU. £40 is nothing.

What would your cut off point be? £20? £10? 50p?

pimplebum · 28/08/2026 18:55

Raptors · 28/08/2026 18:51

It was £40. Why on earth would I be annoyed at my husband for spending £40? Confused £400 without discussing sure I'd be quite rightly pissed off but £40, no I could even begin to be annoyed.

Unless you both agreed to keep to tight budget for reasons if poverty and it’s something ridiculous

you are ott

Knickerstoya · 28/08/2026 18:55

Is £40 a lot to you?

Favouritefruits · 28/08/2026 18:55

£40 is a lot to some people, lots of people can’t afford to drop that much for one item if it’s not essential.

i’d be annoyed to OP, especially if there’s other things you needed more!

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