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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DarkForces · 28/08/2026 19:27

Would you have asked permission in reverse?

SunnyRedSnail · 28/08/2026 19:26

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Show quote history

Yabu! I also bought one without asking DH last year and it's superb!

shhblackbag · 28/08/2026 19:26

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

It's 40 quid and presumably (for) his house, too? You sound controlling. He's not your child; he shouldn't have to ask permission.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 28/08/2026 19:25

GreyCarpet · 28/08/2026 19:18

Man buys something 'for the house' without his wife's input...

About sums up the issue here

Sorry, you've spelt "permission" wrong.

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 19:25

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 18:56

👀👀 ?

oh I need the laugh emoji

Henhipster · 28/08/2026 19:23

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Show quote history

Sounds a sensible and thoughtful thing to buy, I thought you meant something frivolous.

IwanttoWFH · 28/08/2026 19:23

You’re being unreasonable and I’d like the link to where you can get a heated airer for £40 please! 😄

AgentPidge · 28/08/2026 19:21

Sounds great! I've seen people raving about them on here before. Do you have a link to it, OP please?

redskyAtNigh · 28/08/2026 19:20

I'd be annoyed too. It sounds like £40 is a big deal for you so it should have been discussed. It's a big object so needs to go somewhere which might compromise space. And it will cost to run, which, if £40 is a big deal, I assume might also be a big deal.

And, unless DH does at least 50% of the laundry, he's bought you a household appliance that you don't want and will now feel obliged to use.

Weeellokthen · 28/08/2026 19:18

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 18:56

👀👀 ?

😂😅

GreyCarpet · 28/08/2026 19:18

Man buys something 'for the house' without his wife's input...

About sums up the issue here

mindutopia · 28/08/2026 19:17

I don’t ever check these sort of purchases with Dh. If it was like £500, yes. If I want a clothes airer, I’d buy a clothes airer.

PepsiBook · 28/08/2026 19:15

From what he has bought - YABU. He hasn't bought something for himself

Seawolves · 28/08/2026 19:15

Is he going to be using the heated drier or is he expecting you to be the one using it?

Ilmiocompleanno · 28/08/2026 19:12

I think purchases for the house should generally be discussed first. It's not just the money side, it's the fact that if one person keeps buying stuff you can end up with a cluttered house because you don't have enough space to store all the stuff. Or if it's something that you typically just have one of in a house, you might end up feeling irritated that the one you've got is not ideal, but it feels wasteful to bin it and buy a new one.

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 28/08/2026 19:10

I’m surprised how many posters have said the heated airers are good. I do have an ordinary one, and if I need things to dry a bit quicker, I switch on a little fan heater, aimed at the laundry. Even on the cold setting, it works brilliantly, and no need for an extra airer to store.

TheBlueKoala · 28/08/2026 19:10

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Show quote history

So a practical thing that you both can use. You are def being very unreasonable, controlling and smothering. Tell him you're sorry and that ofcourse he can buy whatever he want.

user293948849167 · 28/08/2026 19:09

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Show quote history

Does he do laundry? If he bought it “for you” then yeah I’d be annoyed. If you both do laundry I can’t see the big deal really for £40

Raptors · 28/08/2026 19:09

Jc2001 · 28/08/2026 19:05

Seems a bit of an overreaction, but I guess that might depend on how hard up you are for cash. £40 can be a hell of a lot to some people. So maybe it is important to the OP.

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It's clearly not about the fact they cannot afford it or that would be the focus of the OPs frustration. Being annoyed about someone making a perfectly reasonable purchase and feeling there should be discussion whenever the joint account is used, so the OP can veto purchases is incredibly controlling behaviour.

thisismeithinkorisit · 28/08/2026 19:09

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Show quote history

mentioning it or asking your permission?

Takingtigermountainbystrategy · 28/08/2026 19:08

I had one which I'm.orettybsure cost three times that amount and it was useless. I gave it away. I'm not sure I'd be annoyed that he bought it, but I don't think it's going to be much use tbh

LorenaWood · 28/08/2026 19:08

i thought they were a lot more than 40! Sounds like a bargain 😂

tarheelbaby · 28/08/2026 19:07

A heated drying rack sounds like an ok purchase, especially if he's going to hang out the laundry on it himself (or can convince the DCs). Is it cheaper to run than the tumble dryer? Scrooges everywhere want to know :)

If you're otherwise solvent, £40 shouldn't break the bank but it is a few drinks at the pub/a takeaway. How else might you have spent it?

@Createausername1970 has a good position on this.

bridgetreilly · 28/08/2026 19:06

YABVU. He’s an adult. He’s allowed to make purchases without your permission. And fwiw, I have one and love it. It’s a good buy.

Knickerstoya · 28/08/2026 19:06

I love my heated airer. I have a normal one and a drier but the heated one is fab.