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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 28/08/2026 19:43

OP, he bought something really useful that will save a lot of money over the winter. You'd think he'd bought cocaine or something and was refusing to share!

Stop trying to control him. He has every right to spend some money, as long as he's working.

leggingsbotoxmatcha · 28/08/2026 19:43

Oh gosh I bought an obnoxious light shade for the bedroom for £100 yesterday and didn’t run it by DH, so I have not a leg to stand on!

I wouldn’t mind if he’d spent £40 on something like a clothes airer, that’s quite helpful and thoughtful.

Magnatron · 28/08/2026 19:42

hes a grown man ffs! I’m constantly buying stuff for the house never crosses my mind to tell dh especially for 40 odd quid.

Etoile41 · 28/08/2026 19:41

Seriously? A discussion over a £40 item?
Do discussion everything you purchase for the house?

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 19:41

Mamamia35 · 28/08/2026 19:36

Where did he get it from because I’d like one of them. I thought they were more expensive.

There are loads on Amazon for less than £40 with covers.

FudgeFudy · 28/08/2026 19:41

He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Sorry what? You think he 'just fancied it'? Because of all the fun and hijinks he's going to have with him new clothes airer? If it was a ride-on lawnmower when you live in a flat I could see your point, but I think on this one he really did have practicalities first and foremost in his mind.

Grizzlylemming · 28/08/2026 19:41

I don’t police everything my dh orders and he doesn’t police mine . Thank god. I’d go insane if he gave out to me for spending 40 quid without consulting me . But we both earn our own money

Merrymoonage · 28/08/2026 19:40

I have a feeling you wouldn’t have run a £40 house purchase by him.

Do people really discuss £40 things for the house?

Theunforgiving · 28/08/2026 19:38

I’d love to know where it’s from , been looking for one for ages. £40 is a bargain

ThatBreezyScroller · 28/08/2026 19:38

Are you really struggling with money or something?

(Although it sounds as though you use a tumble dryer so you can’t be that hard up)

You sound very controlling.

Error404FucksNotFound · 28/08/2026 19:37

As long as we could afford it is wouldn't care.
I buy loads of little bits for the house without running it by him. Id be a steaming great hypocrite if I objected to him doing it.

HarlanCobenDogshit · 28/08/2026 19:37

What a bastard.

In the same week we get informed on another energy hike, he goes and spends £40 on a cheaper way to dry clothes than a tumble dryer.

They walk amongst us.

Mamamia35 · 28/08/2026 19:36

Where did he get it from because I’d like one of them. I thought they were more expensive.

Vaxtable · 28/08/2026 19:35

Yabu. Use it instead of the tumble dryer. Cheaper and better for the environment and yes you are controlling

Bogliasco · 28/08/2026 19:34

They're awesome so it's £40 well spent!

Beepen · 28/08/2026 19:33

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Unless money is very tight then YABU . These are great

CamillaMcCauley · 28/08/2026 19:32

You sound pretty controlling. If you have never bought a household item without getting your husband’s approval first I’d be surprised.

My ex used to sulk when I bought something for the house that he wouldn’t have chosen yet he thought it was fine to go out and drop hundreds on gardening gear or kitchen gadgets because they were “necessary”.

MaidOfSteel · 28/08/2026 19:32

B1anche · 28/08/2026 18:55

YABU. £40 is nothing.

What would your cut off point be? £20? £10? 50p?

Edited

Says someone with no money worries!

£40 is not nothing to some people. What an insensitive comment.

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 28/08/2026 19:31

You need to spend €40 on a good grip OP!
YABU

Keymoment · 28/08/2026 19:31

I would definitely expect that to be discussed before he bought it. It’s not the money at all, it’s the amount of space it takes, where it would be stored and how useful it would be.

musicandmen · 28/08/2026 19:30

I think 100% get a heated clothed airer they are the best

Kittyninja267 · 28/08/2026 19:29

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

These are great, it's his house too presumably so I think you are being unreasonable and controlling. If you bought it and he reacted this way how could you feel? What if your friend told you her partner reacted like that to her buying something for her house? Get a cover for the dryer to use make it work better.

User0311 · 28/08/2026 19:29

You are being unreasonable

GreyCarpet · 28/08/2026 19:27

Floatlikeafeather2 · 28/08/2026 19:25

Sorry, you've spelt "permission" wrong.

Yeah, I realised that after I posted! 😆

BlumeUndTisch · 28/08/2026 19:27

£40? It wouldn't to me. At all.