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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DressOrSkirt · 28/08/2026 20:05

YABU

I order most household items we need and if I had to discuss each one with my DH first it would drive both of us nuts!

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 28/08/2026 20:03

My first instinct is YABU but that's based on how my own household operates.

I suppose it does somewhat depend on what you have both already discussed and agreed about how the joint account is used, and who contributes the majority, and how the budgeting is done.

But unless there's a drip feed to come there, YABU, especially if you use the joint account yourself without running everything by him.

Laundrybasketfull · 28/08/2026 20:02

Yes, you are BU.

LauritaEvita · 28/08/2026 20:01

littlemousebigcheese · 28/08/2026 19:57

The amount of crap my husband and I buy without checking in with each other… I couldn’t get worked up over £40. Unless you are struggling massively, it’s such a non event? I spent £80 on plants today, didn’t think to check!?

Exactly. How does anyone ever decorate a house if they’re consulting on every minor purchase? Bizarre.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 20:01

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 19:59

Its basically a different style, the heated one is more like a tower thing rather than the normal fold out airer.

Tbf I can see why he'd want it because apparently they dry things quicker and use less than the tumble dryer, but I still think we could have discussed it first 😂

I suppose the normal airer could go if we actually use the heated one all the time, which he says we will. I just don't like buying something before deciding what we're doing with the old one.

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So the heated airer takes up less space and will be quicker and you're still complaining?!

LauritaEvita · 28/08/2026 20:00

OakElmAsh · 28/08/2026 18:50

Nope every adult should be able to make a 40 quid purchase from the shared budget for something they want for the house without permission/consultation, unless you have absolutely zero spare cash whatsoever.

This. I haven’t got the time to consult on every household purchase. I often just spot things when I’m out and about, as does my husband.

Original poster
Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 19:59

CamillaMcCauley · 28/08/2026 19:53

Surely the heated aired can just take the place of the normal airer? Or is it a completely different style?

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Its basically a different style, the heated one is more like a tower thing rather than the normal fold out airer.

Tbf I can see why he'd want it because apparently they dry things quicker and use less than the tumble dryer, but I still think we could have discussed it first 😂

I suppose the normal airer could go if we actually use the heated one all the time, which he says we will. I just don't like buying something before deciding what we're doing with the old one.

OP posts:
ModernV · 28/08/2026 19:58

YABU and very controlling OP. Your DH obviously wants it and sees a need for it, why does your objection overall his want? I can't imagine living under such scrutiny where every transaction has to be discussed.

FlorenceLawrence · 28/08/2026 19:58

It would annoy me if we had nowhere to store it.

littlemousebigcheese · 28/08/2026 19:57

The amount of crap my husband and I buy without checking in with each other… I couldn’t get worked up over £40. Unless you are struggling massively, it’s such a non event? I spent £80 on plants today, didn’t think to check!?

CamillaMcCauley · 28/08/2026 19:53

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 19:50

He does do laundry, probably about 50/50 tbh, so its not that he's bought it "for me" or anything.

And yes I do see the point about space because that is partly what annoyed me. We already have the normal airer and the tumble dryer so now we've got another thing that needs somewhere to go. Our utility room is not exactly massive 😂

We're not struggling for money, no, I just don't think thats really the point. If we were buying something we actually needed then fair enough, but I just think £40 here and £40 there does add up.

For anyone asking, its from Dunelm. He said it was a bargain and thats basically his entire argument 😂

Surely the heated aired can just take the place of the normal airer? Or is it a completely different style?

FluentOP · 28/08/2026 19:53

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

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Sounds like it could be quite useful and save you money in the long term. One of my friends bought one and keeps going on about how good it is.

Batcats · 28/08/2026 19:52

I'd personally be delighted if my husband spent £40 on a household appliance. I feel it's always me remembering we need new cutlery, bedding, towels etc so I'd be thrilled if he actually bought something for once!

Grizzlylemming · 28/08/2026 19:51

Sunshine1500 · 28/08/2026 19:43

Poor guy he should be able to spend £40 especially as it’s something useful!

I know I’d be delighted if my dh had the initiative to buy something as useful as this , honestly

Original poster
Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 19:50

He does do laundry, probably about 50/50 tbh, so its not that he's bought it "for me" or anything.

And yes I do see the point about space because that is partly what annoyed me. We already have the normal airer and the tumble dryer so now we've got another thing that needs somewhere to go. Our utility room is not exactly massive 😂

We're not struggling for money, no, I just don't think thats really the point. If we were buying something we actually needed then fair enough, but I just think £40 here and £40 there does add up.

For anyone asking, its from Dunelm. He said it was a bargain and thats basically his entire argument 😂

OP posts:
beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 19:50

Raptors · 28/08/2026 19:48

Absolutely. I also bet that if the roles were reversed and it was a husband cross at his wife spending £40 on a household item there would be a lot more people seeing this for the controlling behaviour it is.

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Definitely. It would honestly never occur to me to ask DH before I bought something for the house - I regularly buy bedding, blankets, bits and pieces for the kitchen or whatever without even mentioning to him.

Superscientist · 28/08/2026 19:50

My partner and I would both be annoyed if either of us spent ~£30+ on something for the house or if it was bigger than a shoe box without talking it through. It's not the cost or a control thing it's a courtesy thing. It is our house, it's our money, I don't want it clutter with things we won't use and don't need. On the flip side we are both prone to over researching and would look into the right heater for our needs or what is the right thing for drying our washing. We both also are passionate about reduce, reuse, recycle and we do our best to find solutions that doesn't result in an impulse purchase.
We have a joint Amazon account and there are very few things that get ordered that the other doesn't know about and agree to get

ZebraPyjamas · 28/08/2026 19:49

Knickerstoya · 28/08/2026 19:06

I love my heated airer. I have a normal one and a drier but the heated one is fab.

Same! Well worth £40!

Raptors · 28/08/2026 19:48

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 19:45

I would bet good money that most women routinely buy things for the house without even thinking about discussing it with their husbands,

Show quote history

Absolutely. I also bet that if the roles were reversed and it was a husband cross at his wife spending £40 on a household item there would be a lot more people seeing this for the controlling behaviour it is.

nolongeranutjob · 28/08/2026 19:48

In general, my partner can spend his own money on what ever he likes as long as he meets his share of the bills.

However, a heated dryer I'd be disgruntled as I already spend ages dealing with condensation on the windows and mould in the house. Surely these things increase moisture in the home unlike a tumble dryer which costs more to run but vents the moisture outside.

XiCi · 28/08/2026 19:46

Oh come on. Its hardly like he just really really fancied getting himself a heated airer is it. Jesus wept, if he did it must be great fun in your house 🙄. He's probably seen it and thought it was a huge bargain ( it is, they usually start at more than twice that) and that it's something youd use a lot (it will be. lots of things cant go in the tumble dryer and its a pain drying them in Winter and its really economical. We use ours pretty much daily). Really dont get what your problem is.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 19:45

Ilmiocompleanno · 28/08/2026 19:12

I think purchases for the house should generally be discussed first. It's not just the money side, it's the fact that if one person keeps buying stuff you can end up with a cluttered house because you don't have enough space to store all the stuff. Or if it's something that you typically just have one of in a house, you might end up feeling irritated that the one you've got is not ideal, but it feels wasteful to bin it and buy a new one.

I would bet good money that most women routinely buy things for the house without even thinking about discussing it with their husbands,

allthingsinmoderation · 28/08/2026 19:44

I honestly think you are being ridiculous (unless you are absolutely poverty stricken ) Those airers are cheap and cheap to run.

Sunshine1500 · 28/08/2026 19:43

Poor guy he should be able to spend £40 especially as it’s something useful!

Octavia64 · 28/08/2026 19:43

i’d be happy he’d got something useful