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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BlueFahrenheit · 28/08/2026 20:32

I spent £40 on my favourite fabric softener - DH didn't care. We'll both use it.

whatcanthematterbe81 · 28/08/2026 20:29

He sounds like a legend

Starbug2011 · 28/08/2026 20:29

I'm with @LorenaWood and @Takingtigermountainbystrategy , £40 is a bargain, it's practical, useful, not gonna be seen (not like he bought a living room rug) , but tell him if he's not bought a cover for it you'll need to use a big bed sheet to make sure it works best. These drivers are really efficient so I'd be glad my OH got something practical!! You need to calm tf down.

Abcmum34 · 28/08/2026 20:29

yabu

Askandyforcompo · 28/08/2026 20:28

Heated airers are brilliant. It was only £40. If he'd spent £40 on himself you wouldn't mind.

Therefore YABU

Yesitismeandiamcomingforyou · 28/08/2026 20:28

It's not often that I think that the men can do nothing right, but in this situation, where he's independently bought something practical for the house, I do think YABVU.

paddlinglikecrazy · 28/08/2026 20:27

I wouldn’t mind about a £40 spend on the house without consultation and nor would my husband.
I have a heated airer & love it btw, lives in the utility room next to my tumble drier. Mine cost a load more, so I think he did get a bargain 👍

Merrymoonage · 28/08/2026 20:25

My partner and I would both be annoyed if either of us spent ~£30+ on something for the house

I would honestly be exhausted living like this.

Girlking · 28/08/2026 20:25

Pinkissmart · 28/08/2026 18:56

I feel like there should be rules about posts. Don’t ask for opinions unless you give all the relevant information. Christ these drip feeds and ‘can’t give details or it’s outing ‘ ( when it clearly wouldn’t be) are so damn tedious

I totally agree 🙄 just tell us what it is ffor goodness sake!

Dumbledora8 · 28/08/2026 20:21

Take a chill pill OP

tirednhn · 28/08/2026 20:21

I couldn’t imagine my husband kicking up if I spent £40 of joint money on a house purchase. This is absolutely mental.

Topseyt123 · 28/08/2026 20:17

I once had a heated airer and sent it to the dump. Useless thing.

They aren't necessarily cheaper than running the tumble dryer. Apparently they cost 6 - 7 pence per hour to run and I found it needed to be left on overnight for stuff to be dry, so between 70 and 80 pence.

I can run the tumble dryer for about 2 hours for that and everything will be dry.

I wouldn't be annoyed at him spending £40, but I wouldn't want a heated airer. Still, if he plans to use it himself I'd let it slide, until he finds out that they really aren't that cheap to run.

Dancer48 · 28/08/2026 20:16

Uabvu
He does half the laundry, he can get whatever he wants to do it with.

Doctordoolittle · 28/08/2026 20:15

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 19:59

Its basically a different style, the heated one is more like a tower thing rather than the normal fold out airer.

Tbf I can see why he'd want it because apparently they dry things quicker and use less than the tumble dryer, but I still think we could have discussed it first 😂

I suppose the normal airer could go if we actually use the heated one all the time, which he says we will. I just don't like buying something before deciding what we're doing with the old one.

Show quote history

Mine is of the best things I own! Saves loads of time ironing because you can hang things flat and dry them nicely instead of them getting all screwed up in the tumble dryer. £40 is a lot cheaper than mine was!

Goditsmemargaret · 28/08/2026 20:15

My DH has hoarding tendencies so I would have no issue with this once he threw out the other one. I can't believe this would merit a consultation.

Cosyblankets · 28/08/2026 20:13

I wouldn't bat an eyelid.
However in your shoes if it's such a big deal keep your joint account to household bills only and then have your own money

TheSunBeatsDown · 28/08/2026 20:12

This would annoy me just because I much prefer a tumble-drier as I don't want damp clothes hanging around my house, but if I had a utility room to shove it in and it genuinely does things quickly, and he's going to hang them up, use it and put them away, that would be fine but that's a lot of things that might not happen which is why I would be annoyed.

I would expect him to say, 'I'm getting one of these dryer things, what do you think?' because that's everyday conversation; he clearly knew you wouldn't like it!

Not a major marital crime though.

BlueFahrenheit · 28/08/2026 20:12

It's a £40 clothes airer.

Stop being dramatic and childish

ThreadGuardDog · 28/08/2026 20:10

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Show quote history

I kind of agree with him OP. I have a washer dryer and a disability so hanging washing isn’t really an option. The dryer was costing me a fortune so I invested in one of these heated airers about four months ago and put it in the back bedroom where I do my ironing. My most recent energy bill has reflected a significant saving, so maybe give it a go. I can see your point of view about not discussing it first, but maybe he was focused on the savings.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/08/2026 20:09

Hmm. As I would spend that on house stuff without any expectations of shit from my partner, I wouldn’t do it to him either. And it’s £40, so I doubly wouldn’t.

Middlemarch123 · 28/08/2026 20:08

This thread is a lot of hot airer about nothing.

ThatBreezyScroller · 28/08/2026 20:08

Does he not work?

Why would it need a discussion?

This is why I could never get married because no way would I discuss something before buying something with my own money.

Raptors · 28/08/2026 20:07

I hope you've apologised to your husband for being controlling and making an issue put of nothing.

Sam9769 · 28/08/2026 20:05

You're being OTT!

CheeryOP · 28/08/2026 20:05

YABU