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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 28/08/2026 21:33

This. You're being controlling

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 28/08/2026 21:31

Merrymoonage · 28/08/2026 20:25

My partner and I would both be annoyed if either of us spent ~£30+ on something for the house

I would honestly be exhausted living like this.

Agreed.

Unless you are on a very tight budget and he spent £30/40 on a video game or something.

YABU.

Frillysweetpea · 28/08/2026 21:29

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

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It'll be crap and/or tiny if it was only £40 so I'd be a bit pissed off. I'd rather my husband spent £40 on two beautiful coffee mugs than a piece of crap. As it is, he nevers buys anything whereas I have to rein myself in but he never says anything. Well, he buys me flowers so I'm know I'm lucky all round.

TheDenimPoet · 28/08/2026 21:28

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

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I think that's quite a sensible purchase, to be honest, and with it only being £40 I couldn't bring myself to get worked up about it, never mind to make a thread about it.

Lmnop22 · 28/08/2026 21:25

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 19:59

Its basically a different style, the heated one is more like a tower thing rather than the normal fold out airer.

Tbf I can see why he'd want it because apparently they dry things quicker and use less than the tumble dryer, but I still think we could have discussed it first 😂

I suppose the normal airer could go if we actually use the heated one all the time, which he says we will. I just don't like buying something before deciding what we're doing with the old one.

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I had a heated airer and it was a bit crap. It dried the bits of clothes that were touching the bars that were hot but not the whole item of clothing unless you literally draped about four things over the whole thing which is impractical. Waste of money!

Copperoliverbear · 28/08/2026 21:02

You are over reacting and it does sound controlling, it’s a good purchase, saves on the drying and heating and they keep the room lovely and warm, kills two birds with one stone.

BlueFahrenheit · 28/08/2026 21:02

GoodkneeBadKnee · 28/08/2026 20:58

Sounds absolutely joyless.

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I would rather be single!

GoodkneeBadKnee · 28/08/2026 20:58

BlueFahrenheit · 28/08/2026 20:55

I couldn't live like this.

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Sounds absolutely joyless.

Ophy83 · 28/08/2026 20:57

He's right. £40 for a heated airer is a great price and they are ridiculously useful for drying delicates and wooly jumpers in the winter.

BlueFahrenheit · 28/08/2026 20:55

GoodkneeBadKnee · 28/08/2026 20:54

My partner and I would both be annoyed if either of us spent ~£30+ on something for the house or if it was bigger than a shoe box without talking it through

Dear Lord...

I couldn't live like this.

GoodkneeBadKnee · 28/08/2026 20:54

My partner and I would both be annoyed if either of us spent ~£30+ on something for the house or if it was bigger than a shoe box without talking it through

Dear Lord...

TheSunnySwan · 28/08/2026 20:52

£40 isn't a lot if it's for the house then I don't see the problem of it coming out the joint account as long as all bills etc are paid for the month

Growlybear83 · 28/08/2026 20:52

It wouldn’t cross my mind to ask, or tell, my husband if I was going to spend £40 of my own money on something for the house - so long as I meet my financial obligations, it’s none of his business what I spend my money on.

Om83 · 28/08/2026 20:50

I love my heated clothes aired- game changer!!

Superscientist · 28/08/2026 20:48

Merrymoonage · 28/08/2026 20:25

My partner and I would both be annoyed if either of us spent ~£30+ on something for the house

I would honestly be exhausted living like this.

We don't really don't buy much though as we have a buy once policy so try to buy things that are designed to last, we don't replace things until they are broken or no longer fit for purpose.
My mum is an impulse shopper and nearly all of it ends up in landfill within 6 months broken or given away to clutter up someone else's house.
As a planet we can't sustain the current levels of consumerism but the economy is set up around companies tempting people into buying things they don't need to solve problems they don't have.

ChaChaChaChanges · 28/08/2026 20:48

Anyone else just ordered one?

GoodkneeBadKnee · 28/08/2026 20:46

YABU. I bought a sofa once without "consulting" my DH. We already have 2, but I wanted one for the kitchen diner. So I bought it.

TheEdgyMoose · 28/08/2026 20:45

This wouldn't bother me at all. My husband and I often make small purchases without telling each other. The only way I can see this being an issue is if you were really struggling for money and that £40 would have been spent on essentials which you now can't afford. But it doesn't sound like that's the case so I'm not really sure what the problem is.

Sparkle88K · 28/08/2026 20:39

I’d be elated that buying something to help dry the washing even crossed his mind.
Mine thinks it all gets done by a magical invisible fairy.

SquirrelGG · 28/08/2026 20:38

YABVVVVVU.

BanditoShipman · 28/08/2026 20:35

You care about £40 🙄

you are very controlling. I have no idea, nor care what DH spends out of our account.

GalaDinner · 28/08/2026 20:35

redskyAtNigh · 28/08/2026 19:20

I'd be annoyed too. It sounds like £40 is a big deal for you so it should have been discussed. It's a big object so needs to go somewhere which might compromise space. And it will cost to run, which, if £40 is a big deal, I assume might also be a big deal.

And, unless DH does at least 50% of the laundry, he's bought you a household appliance that you don't want and will now feel obliged to use.

If the OP can afford to run a tumble drier, she has no problem spending £40 on this.

Changeisstillpossible · 28/08/2026 20:35

I came on here to say YABU.

Then I read that it's a heater airer and realised I'd feel the same. I have an irrational dislike of them!

A toaster would've been worse tho

sillylittlerabbit · 28/08/2026 20:32

If I had this level of control within a relationship I’d really question the value of being in a relationship.

You say it’s because there wasn’t a conversation about what happens about the old one first - really? You can’t be flexible enough to say ‘Ooh lovely, let’s throw out the old one’ or ‘ooh great, we can keep both?’

I’m always very happy if my husband has proactively bought something to improve our home life.

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