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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 28/08/2026 22:23

Heated airer are brilliant if you have a utility room to set it up. Just pop everything in the dryer for the last 10 mins. Saves money..he made a good purchase and probably thought you would be pleased

FourSevenFive · 28/08/2026 22:22

Do you want to have to discuss every 40£ spend for the house before you make it?

I wouldn't, so I accept my DP sometimes decides on his own.

If money were an issue, it would be a different situation and every spend would be discussed.

Shedsqueek · 28/08/2026 22:20

To be fair I wouldnt use money from joint account without letting my DH know so YANBU.

JMSA · 28/08/2026 22:20

40 quid for a heated airer!! You’re even more unreasonable!

CypressGrove · 28/08/2026 22:20

Very controlling.

Shoxfordian · 28/08/2026 22:19

I'd never heard of them, maybe my husband would like one as he's in charge of washing. Unless you're really on the breadline then you're being unreasonable

Empress13 · 28/08/2026 22:19

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:57

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.

Show quote history

First World problems

JMSA · 28/08/2026 22:18

YABU … unless there’s a massive backstory, like him gambling away your life savings.

Springsummertime · 28/08/2026 22:16

Jesus you’re uptight and controlling! Ever thought about having some fun

watchingthishtread · 28/08/2026 22:14

He's right. You're being controlling.

RafaFan · 28/08/2026 22:11

I don't think it sounds too bad - it's a practical item. Maybe you could get donate the regular airer somewhere to make space.

I thought it was going to be salt and pepper shakers or something a la Peter Murrell and Nicola Sturgeon.

Minasama · 28/08/2026 22:04

Is this worth an argument? That depends on how tight your budget is. (if you are on a low income and need to watch every penny he ought to have discussed it with you. We discuss larger purchases, perhaps over £100 / £150 but that threshold of course depends on income.)

Booboobagins · 28/08/2026 22:03

It could save you a lot of money coupled with a dehumidifier @Nmiddleofnowhere

£40 is a bargain for one too.

I'd be telling him well done tbh.

mswales · 28/08/2026 21:58

That is an absolute bargain, is useful, good for the environment and save you time! YABVR

Witchergeralt · 28/08/2026 21:58

Actually I do know where you're coming from OP. Sorry to everyone else. DH and I discuss what we're buying for the house whether it's £40, £400 or £4000. We have a tumble dryer, a twirly and two drying racks so I would see this purchase as a complete waste of money that may have been earmarked for other purposes.

We have our own accounts for our own fun purchases but joint money and joint expenses are discussed.

I don't think I'd make a post about it though.

Vulturesoverhead · 28/08/2026 21:55

As long as he uses it, fucking ace!

nam3c4ang3 · 28/08/2026 21:53

Fucking hell I would hate to live with you OP 😂 - lighten up - you said you can afford it and it’s FOURTY POUNDS. Maybe get rid of the joint account if this bothers you so much.

DressOrSkirt · 28/08/2026 21:50

Superscientist · 28/08/2026 20:48

We don't really don't buy much though as we have a buy once policy so try to buy things that are designed to last, we don't replace things until they are broken or no longer fit for purpose.
My mum is an impulse shopper and nearly all of it ends up in landfill within 6 months broken or given away to clutter up someone else's house.
As a planet we can't sustain the current levels of consumerism but the economy is set up around companies tempting people into buying things they don't need to solve problems they don't have.

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But if you're on the same page about that then why do you both need to be involved in the decision? Wouldn't you trust your partner to know whether the thing they were buying met the household's needs?

Chocolattecoffeecup · 28/08/2026 21:49

YABU unless you run every purchase for the house past him too

even then that seems very restrictive

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 28/08/2026 21:46

If for nothing else YABU for:

A) the anticlimax this thread has delivered. My head was roaming over the ugliest ornaments, artworks, sculptures I could image. Maybe even a Faberge Egg the size of a human head. And then it turns out to be a hullabaloo over a heated airer.

B) I now want one.

custardcreme77 · 28/08/2026 21:44

I love my heated airer. ❤️

Merrymoonage · 28/08/2026 21:43

Superscientist · 28/08/2026 20:48

We don't really don't buy much though as we have a buy once policy so try to buy things that are designed to last, we don't replace things until they are broken or no longer fit for purpose.
My mum is an impulse shopper and nearly all of it ends up in landfill within 6 months broken or given away to clutter up someone else's house.
As a planet we can't sustain the current levels of consumerism but the economy is set up around companies tempting people into buying things they don't need to solve problems they don't have.

Show quote history

That’s got fuck all to do with such a controlling relationship though.

shhblackbag · 28/08/2026 21:41

GoodkneeBadKnee · 28/08/2026 20:54

My partner and I would both be annoyed if either of us spent ~£30+ on something for the house or if it was bigger than a shoe box without talking it through

Dear Lord...

This sounds so miserable.

PumpkinPieAlibi · 28/08/2026 21:40

First you say it's £40 and you need that money for other things.

Then you say it's not about the £40 but about him speaking with you first before buying anything for the house.

THEN you say it's not actually about buying the thing but about deciding what to do with something old before buying something new.

The goalposts keep moving and it's obvious it isn't about any one rational reason. You're controlling and just don't like that he did something like this without your go-ahead.

tomatoplants · 28/08/2026 21:35

after reading your updates I think I’d be annoyed too. Not because of the money but because size and where to put it! In our house we’d chat about about larger items!