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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dd, boyfriend and flat purchase

137 replies

cupfinalchaos · 28/08/2026 17:42

Dd has been renting with her boyfriend. She has told me they have discussed getting engaged next year. Out of the blue he was bought a beautiful flat in London by his family, and wants dd to move there with him. She would be paying rent for a finite period of time to cover certain costs.

My AIBU is that I feel if they plan to get engaged shortly, surely they should be buying together? We would have helped with a small deposit and dd earns as much as he does, if not more. I’m delighted for her boyfriend who I love, but also want DD to get onto the property ladder.

OP posts:
JaninefromEastenders · 28/08/2026 17:52

cupfinalchaos · 28/08/2026 17:48

I wasn’t suggesting she should have any of his equity! Just disappointed as I’d like her to build her own!

Show quote history

She still can buy a home, but not with a boyfriend she's not even ready to get engaged to this year, and vice versa. Suppose they split up before that? Not that getting married is necessary for buying together, but having a serious intention to stay together long term, is, and these two aren't sure yet.

Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 28/08/2026 17:51

roseymoira · 28/08/2026 17:50

I agree with you, she will be paying him rent? She should just be paying half of the bills. She is missing out as she hasn’t invested in a property.

Exactly- this is my worry.

OP posts:
Busybookworm · 28/08/2026 17:50

You say you could offer her ‘a small deposit’ but would that actually be enough for her to be able to afford to buy? London prices are monstrous. If so, had you suggested the idea to her already?

19lottie82 · 28/08/2026 17:50

cupfinalchaos · 28/08/2026 17:48

I wasn’t suggesting she should have any of his equity! Just disappointed as I’d like her to build her own!

Show quote history

is she getting a reduced rent, compared to market rates? If so she can afford to put money aside and invest it, potentially even buy her own place if they don’t get married.

she’d definitely in a better position than if she was private renting.

Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 28/08/2026 17:50

FlerpOfDoom · 28/08/2026 17:48

She gets cheap rent into London, they aren’t engaged or married. I lived in DH’s flat and gave him half the mortgage, it was 1/4 of the cost of rent and it saved me loads of money.

Even if I’d have left him after 6 months I’d have been better off and he’d have been no worse off. I didn’t demand to own half of his flat

Thank you but if you’d read my post I am not suggesting dd demands equity in his flat😂

OP posts:
icouldholditwithacobweb · 28/08/2026 17:50

She has an amazing opportunity to save money now, and either they can buy something else when they're ready or she can buy her own place when she wants. Sounds like a winning situation to me.

roseymoira · 28/08/2026 17:50

I agree with you, she will be paying him rent? She should just be paying half of the bills. She is missing out as she hasn’t invested in a property.

Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 28/08/2026 17:48

MonkeyMaze101 · 28/08/2026 17:47

YABU to get involved. They aren't engaged, they aren't married. There is no mortgage so no reason fir her to have any ownership now.

Maybe if their relationship progresses they could work out a % share (so the longer they are together the more equity she earns essentially).

I'd be pretty miffed if I bought a flat for my child just to think he gave half away to a girlfriend.

I wasn’t suggesting she should have any of his equity! Just disappointed as I’d like her to build her own!

OP posts:
FlerpOfDoom · 28/08/2026 17:48

She gets cheap rent into London, they aren’t engaged or married. I lived in DH’s flat and gave him half the mortgage, it was 1/4 of the cost of rent and it saved me loads of money.

Even if I’d have left him after 6 months I’d have been better off and he’d have been no worse off. I didn’t demand to own half of his flat

Original poster
cupfinalchaos · 28/08/2026 17:47

Ok… thank you

OP posts:
MonkeyMaze101 · 28/08/2026 17:47

YABU to get involved. They aren't engaged, they aren't married. There is no mortgage so no reason fir her to have any ownership now.

Maybe if their relationship progresses they could work out a % share (so the longer they are together the more equity she earns essentially).

I'd be pretty miffed if I bought a flat for my child just to think he gave half away to a girlfriend.

Octavia64 · 28/08/2026 17:45

So let’s look at this

they aren’t married
they aren’t engaged

they’ve just talked about getting engaged.

no, they don’t need to buy together

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