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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your dad didnt bother with you, then showed up 20 years later asking for a kidney for his child - would you say yes?

236 replies

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 15:55

Not a real scenario, watching eastenders, and have thought about being asked to donate something to an unknown sibling

I dunno, I dont know if I would 🤔

OP posts:
Uricon2 · 28/08/2026 16:50

Re absent father on the beg for organs, living liver donation, yeah, if possible. Academic now as too old and ill, but saving a life is one of the most important things a person can do and I hope I'd have been a match.

practicepracticepractice · 28/08/2026 16:49

No

Error404FucksNotFound · 28/08/2026 16:49

Bigwineglass · 28/08/2026 16:46

Yes, I would. I would find it hard to deny anyone a chance of life.

For me I'd be too worried what if, say, 5 years later my child's kidneys failed and I had to say sorry, I gave my kidney to a stranger or I would have helped.

Catza · 28/08/2026 16:48

I actually have half brother whom I have never met. My father is long dead and I haven't seen him since I was 11. He died when I was 25. But if he showed up asking me for this favour, it'd be a no. These people are strangers to me and I wouldn't risk my health for a stranger. I could, potentially, help financially in a measured way but that would be it.

Holeymoley28 · 28/08/2026 16:47

I know nothing about stem cells donation but if I could just pop in for like a half an hour blood draw then sure for most people.

Still mite spite my deadbeat though and say no to him.

Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 16:46

Eeyorefan · 28/08/2026 16:44

Fortunately due to a long term health condition none of my organs are in a fit state for donation, so a moot point for me. However assuming they were useable only my dc could have them

And I bet you didnt think your health condition would have any upsides!

(Hoping this comes across in the lighthearted way i intend to!)

OP posts:
Bigwineglass · 28/08/2026 16:46

Yes, I would. I would find it hard to deny anyone a chance of life.

Eeyorefan · 28/08/2026 16:44

Fortunately due to a long term health condition none of my organs are in a fit state for donation, so a moot point for me. However assuming they were useable only my dc could have them

Error404FucksNotFound · 28/08/2026 16:44

No.
What if my child or someone else I loved needed one later down the line?
I wouldn't risk it.

JohnBullshit · 28/08/2026 16:43

Kidney? I doubt it. I didn't have a deadbeat parent, but one of them had a father who vanished leaving his wife and daughters, then went on to have a second family without ever mentioning the first. So I suppose theoretically either party might find ourselves knocking at doors for a suitable stem cell donor. I'd be happy to oblige if I were suitable, but I'd only give a spare organ to someone who was already important to me.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/08/2026 16:42

Anthony Nolan have a period of two years, post donation, where you cannot contact your donor. After that, it's up to both parties.

No chance to donate and run.

To all those who would donate stem cells, thank you. Thank you very much indeed. You are literally life savers.

EmpressaurusKitty · 28/08/2026 16:40

NotAnotherScarf · 28/08/2026 16:24

Storyline stolen from Rizzoli and Isles. Isles discovered her biological mother who rejects her, then comes back for a kidney...all her friends say no

Well, that’s a bit different from the books. Did the TV version stick with Maura’s birth family being violent criminals, @NotAnotherScarf?

Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 16:40

grinandslothit · 28/08/2026 16:39

Of course not

The few times I've heard about this actually happening in real life, after the person got what they wanted, they discarded the donor like an old paper sack

Selena Gomez

OP posts:
peachgreen · 28/08/2026 16:40

Stem cells, absolutely. I'm on the DKMS stem cell register and would donate regardless of recipient. A kidney, no. Not now I have a child and I'm her only living biological parent. As with money and time, I am saving any spare organs I might have for her!

ETA: Apologies if this has already been posted – I couldn't see it but may have missed it – but the register is here, if anyone wants to sign up: www.dkms.org.uk/get-involved/become-a-donor

grinandslothit · 28/08/2026 16:39

Of course not

The few times I've heard about this actually happening in real life, after the person got what they wanted, they discarded the donor like an old paper sack

Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 16:37

Uricon2 · 28/08/2026 16:33

Just seen it's stem cells really, rather different. Yes, for anyone.

Yesh, sorry

In my made up scenario, its a kidney, but i think the more interesting question is about stem cells

OP posts:
Mumto4and5 · 28/08/2026 16:34

@shhblackbag 100%. Stem cells are so misunderstood but they can be a complete game changer for so many people.

Uricon2 · 28/08/2026 16:33

Just seen it's stem cells really, rather different. Yes, for anyone.

shhblackbag · 28/08/2026 16:32

Stem cells: Yes, to whomever needed it.

Holeymoley28 · 28/08/2026 16:30

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 16:01

😄 thank you, i dont feel so bad for thinking id do the same thing!

The cheek of it all as well!

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Exactly.

Plus I’ve three children what if one of them needed one.

Sorry for the kid but my kids come first I’d be laughing for his audacity of suddenly remembering I exist when he wanted something.

BirdLandedonmyHead · 28/08/2026 16:29

For an arsehole dad? No.

Being tested for an innocent child? Yes.

Uricon2 · 28/08/2026 16:28

I've asked myself this question. My mother was not in a relationship with my birth father, all really murky and he consistently denied all involvement and responsibility for my existence (early1960s so a big deal) I met him once as an adult and he doubled down on the denial.

I have 2 half sisters who I am very sure don't know I exist. My answer would I think have been based on how ill they were and likelihood of a stranger donation being possible. I don't think I'd have done it to get them off dialysis, for eg but if life or death, maybe.

ETA I haven't got children and if I had, the answer would have been no.

XenoBitch · 28/08/2026 16:25

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 16:21

Yeah the bullying prompted me to post - i imagine though that a lot of people would get that treatment 😡

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It made me mad too. It would also piss me off to be seen as spare parts.
I am not sure of the process after a match is found.
I know that people who are donating organs get interviewed etc and no transplant goes ahead if there is any inkling of coercion or blackmail.

NotAnotherScarf · 28/08/2026 16:24

Storyline stolen from Rizzoli and Isles. Isles discovered her biological mother who rejects her, then comes back for a kidney...all her friends say no

Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 16:24

I wonder whether there should be a public donation campaign for stem cells, since its relatively easy to do

OP posts:
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