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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your dad didnt bother with you, then showed up 20 years later asking for a kidney for his child - would you say yes?

236 replies

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 15:55

Not a real scenario, watching eastenders, and have thought about being asked to donate something to an unknown sibling

I dunno, I dont know if I would 🤔

OP posts:
EnglishRose26 · 28/08/2026 17:14

No.

PrettyLittleRose · 28/08/2026 17:11

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 15:55

Not a real scenario, watching eastenders, and have thought about being asked to donate something to an unknown sibling

I dunno, I dont know if I would 🤔

No.

But then I wouldn't give a kidney to his child even if he had been in touch in the past 20 years. The only people in the world I would give my kidney to are my 2 children.

WendyWagon · 28/08/2026 17:10

My brother needed a kidney. I changed my lifestyle to donate. Sadly he died before I could.
Both my adult children are stem cell donar registered.

A friend received a stem cell transplant. She's doing well.

plsbekinddelicate · 28/08/2026 17:07

Absolutely no chance. I do have an absent Dad. If he rocked up tomorrow asking for a toenail clipping I’d tell him to jog on never mind a kidney. A stranger? Happy to donate. Sperm donor not a chance.

Mumalala · 28/08/2026 17:06

Having watched a family member lose a kidney to cancer and happily live on with just the other one, you'd have to be pretty special to me for me to give up my spare.

CinnamonBuns67 · 28/08/2026 17:05

No. The only people I would be a live donor for are my own children.

Error404FucksNotFound · 28/08/2026 17:03

I read that you can tell the team you dont want to and they will say that you arent a match.
Not sure if thats true.
Hope it is because it would stop situations that pp described

Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 17:01

Sorry for the long link above 😬

OP posts:
OP posts:
user1471538275 · 28/08/2026 17:00

Wud I eck! (chanelling my inner Eastender)

Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 16:59

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 16:56

I'd have given stem cells, used to give blood but was asked to stop going because when I got to peri I used to pass out and scare the other donors. Nothing wrong with me. I am aged out now.

This made me chuckle. Bless you, trying to help

Now i'm gonna try again to give blood. The last time I tried, they said I couldnt bring dd. As I am a single mum, I had no childcare. Will look it up now

OP posts:
godmum56 · 28/08/2026 16:57

useyourmindnotai · 28/08/2026 16:54

This kind of thing causes massive family rifts. Dh family still don’t talk to him after he decline to be tested as a donor for his niece. He fully explained it wasn’t just a no and they all disowned him.

didn't we have a thread on here last year about someone refusing to be tested when a distant family member needed a kidney?

Octavia64 · 28/08/2026 16:57

No

Toastersandkettles · 28/08/2026 16:56

No. The only people I would donate to are my DCs.

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 16:56

I'd have given stem cells, used to give blood but was asked to stop going because when I got to peri I used to pass out and scare the other donors. Nothing wrong with me. I am aged out now.

Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 16:56

Uricon2 · 28/08/2026 16:53

Thought provoking thread @hotmumshit and I had the thought maybe MN could have an awareness campaign around stem cell donation?

Thank you - quite the change from celeb gossip.

Agree that mn should host a campaign! Most people dont know how easy it is. Even the phrase stem cells evokes the image of long needles manually extracting, to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 16:55

useyourmindnotai · 28/08/2026 16:54

This kind of thing causes massive family rifts. Dh family still don’t talk to him after he decline to be tested as a donor for his niece. He fully explained it wasn’t just a no and they all disowned him.

Why did he refuse, if you dont mind my asking?

OP posts:
useyourmindnotai · 28/08/2026 16:54

This kind of thing causes massive family rifts. Dh family still don’t talk to him after he decline to be tested as a donor for his niece. He fully explained it wasn’t just a no and they all disowned him.

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 16:54

EmpressaurusKitty · 28/08/2026 16:40

Well, that’s a bit different from the books. Did the TV version stick with Maura’s birth family being violent criminals, @NotAnotherScarf?

Edited
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yes.

Uricon2 · 28/08/2026 16:53

Thought provoking thread @hotmumshit and I had the thought maybe MN could have an awareness campaign around stem cell donation?

ThaneOfGlamis · 28/08/2026 16:52

Before having kids, I would have donated a kidney to a known family member. Once I had kids, I would have wanted to both keep a spare for them and not put myself at risk with the operation. And that's for known family members, an unknown one would have no chance!

JustAnotherWhinger · 28/08/2026 16:52

Stem cells yes.

i only have one kidney so my estranged relatives would be very disappointed 😂

Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 16:50

Error404FucksNotFound · 28/08/2026 16:49

For me I'd be too worried what if, say, 5 years later my child's kidneys failed and I had to say sorry, I gave my kidney to a stranger or I would have helped.

Show quote history

This concerns me also

Or the karma element does - what if I say no, then I am not a match for my kid and need their help! Karma spiral 😩

OP posts:
Jellybunny98 · 28/08/2026 16:50

A kidney, no. But stem cells, yes.

EmpressaurusKitty · 28/08/2026 16:50

FuzzyPuffling · 28/08/2026 16:42

Anthony Nolan have a period of two years, post donation, where you cannot contact your donor. After that, it's up to both parties.

No chance to donate and run.

To all those who would donate stem cells, thank you. Thank you very much indeed. You are literally life savers.

I’m signed up with https://www.dkms.org.uk rather that Anthony Nolan because DKMS take donors up to 55.

Most of my family signed up when my aunt had blood cancer. Since she’s not a blood relation none of us was a match, but she survived thanks to DKMS.

Don’t know about a kidney. Family & close friends, probably.

DKMS UK

We are fighting blood cancer. We want as many people as possible to join the blood stem cell donor register.

https://www.dkms.org.uk