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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your dad didnt bother with you, then showed up 20 years later asking for a kidney for his child - would you say yes?

236 replies

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 15:55

Not a real scenario, watching eastenders, and have thought about being asked to donate something to an unknown sibling

I dunno, I dont know if I would 🤔

OP posts:
Autumnleaveswillfall · 28/08/2026 18:19

Maybe for a lot of money as compensation from loss of kidney plus loss of dad!

NeatPinkFinch · 28/08/2026 18:18

NO!

Judysdreamofhorses · 28/08/2026 18:17

I have an absent father who went on to have two more children so I have half siblings who also have children and I've never met any of them.

I've actually thought about what I'd do in this scenario or if my father suddenly turned up trying make amends if he was dying or something and I'm pretty sure the answer would be no. He chose not to be part of my life for the past 40 years so I've no need for him or desire to help him in any way, he's no more significant to me than any other stranger in the street.

catherinewales · 28/08/2026 18:15

I have no idea who my father is. He’s not on my birth certificate or anything. Not a chance on this earth would I. Especially more so if it’s hereditary you might need yours for the kids xx

MyrtleLion · 28/08/2026 18:15

I've only got one kidney, so it's a no!!! 😂😂😂

Ilana Glazer Neon Rated GIF by NEON
MrsBatshitRatshit · 28/08/2026 18:12

Nobody is getting my kidneys until I have quite finished using them. I don't mind who gets them after that.

Kirbert2 · 28/08/2026 18:12

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 17:38

I forgot to come back to this

💐 xx

Its such an important topic, its piss taking when they dont do it well

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I had to stop watching. Not necessarily because it was triggering but because it was actually enraging.

My son also ended up in multi organ failure due to sepsis caused by cancer, both of his kidneys were severely damaged and I was told worst case scenario, he may need a kidney transplant if he survived sepsis. He was on continuous dialysis for 4 weeks and thankfully after a rest, both of his kidneys fully recovered.

I'm very glad I hadn't already donated a kidney. I do donate blood/platelets (he received god knows how many blood and platelet transfusions) and I'm on the stem cell donor list (thankfully first line treatment worked with my son but second line treatment would've been a stem cell transplant).

UntitledGooseOnTheLoose · 28/08/2026 18:05

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 17:27

I take it your mum stood your corner?

Well done for saying no. What happened to him?

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She pretty much took the "it's upto you" approach but I don't think she was surprised by my answer.

As far as I'm aware he's still alive but he didn't contacted me again after the kidney request was refused.

Soontobe60 · 28/08/2026 18:05

I would donate a kidney if it were the only option and was life changing for the recipient, whether they were a stranger or my long-lost half brother.

superchick · 28/08/2026 18:05

I've just re-watched Steel Magnolias and love that a mum can extend her adult child's life by donating a kidney. Imagine if the mum (M'Lin?) had already given her spare kidney to a rando and wasn't able to give it to Shelby - you'd be actually devastated.

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 18:04

PrettyLittleRose · 28/08/2026 18:01

I'll just be selfish then! And keep my kidney for my OWN children! Wink

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most people thought that the OP in the old thread was not being selfish...and there are always a few from the "be kind" brigade

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 18:02

XenoBitch · 28/08/2026 17:54

Was it this one?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5101267-living-donor-dilemma?page=13&reply=136195985

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it was! thank you. I know this is a hypothetical thread but there was quite a bit of useful onfo in that one.

PrettyLittleRose · 28/08/2026 18:01

XenoBitch · 28/08/2026 17:20

I remember that one.
As I recall, some people called OP selfish.

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I'll just be selfish then! And keep my kidney for my OWN children! Wink

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 18:00

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 17:58

Sorry Didnt mean to be so blunt 😩, was just thinking aloud

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oh its ok. I do short answers sometimes on my phone 🌺

Slightyamusedandsilly · 28/08/2026 18:00

No.

IonianNerveGrip · 28/08/2026 18:00

Yetanotherone12 · 28/08/2026 17:22

What if your child needs it, but you’re not a match.

but their family of the person you said no to is?

if you haven’t been tested for a match with your kids what’s the point?

while I am not sure if I’d donate to a stranger, I wouldn’t gatekeep my own organs on the incredibly rare chance my kids might need a transplant without at least knowing if I could donate to them.

if I was ever approached to be a living donor I’d weigh up the individual circumstances and risks. I wouldn’t say no on the basis that hypothetically someone I may not even match to might need one in the future.

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I think gatekeeping one's own organs is fine personally...

In the situation you outline, a person who's said no to being tested won't know they're a match with the other relative. So it won't arise. All I'd know in that situation is that I'm not a match with my kids.

Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 17:59

getthroughonemoreday · 28/08/2026 17:48

Nope. No way. I'm saving my kidneys for my own personal use, thank you very much, and would only consider parting with one for close family. I wouldn't consider him my family, really, if he hadn't bothered with me. The man in this scenario isn't a father. He's a sperm donor.

For your own personal use made me chuckle dont even know why 😄

OP posts:
Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 17:58

JustAnotherWhinger · 28/08/2026 17:50

I know of a teenager who was turned down as a donor by the transplant team. They never even got to find out if they were match. The transplant team said they were too susceptible to pressure and emotions and couldn’t fully consent properly. The teen was absolutely furious at the time, but did say a few years later that they did feel under massively pressure from their family.

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Aww I can imagine 🥺

OP posts:
Original poster
hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 17:58

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 17:49

I searched and couldn't find it, maybe it was removed.

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Sorry Didnt mean to be so blunt 😩, was just thinking aloud

OP posts:
3luckystars · 28/08/2026 17:55

I’m keeping my kidneys in case my children need them and that’s the end of it.

XenoBitch · 28/08/2026 17:54

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 17:49

I searched and couldn't find it, maybe it was removed.

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Was it this one?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5101267-living-donor-dilemma?page=13&reply=136195985

EmeraldShamrock000 · 28/08/2026 17:52

In Eastenders they need blood for plasma so not an organ. In that case, I wouldn’t think twice about offering blood to save a life. No way would I part with an organ unless my heart has stopped beating.

JustAnotherWhinger · 28/08/2026 17:50

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 17:28

As I recall, on the other thread I mentioned, it was confirmed as true by someone in the know. Apparently also (it was a very useful thread) potential donors are screened psychologically and emotionally. Its not enough to just agree to do it. IIRC, once the donor screening process is started, potential donors situations are also checked out for undue pressure.

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I know of a teenager who was turned down as a donor by the transplant team. They never even got to find out if they were match. The transplant team said they were too susceptible to pressure and emotions and couldn’t fully consent properly. The teen was absolutely furious at the time, but did say a few years later that they did feel under massively pressure from their family.

godmum56 · 28/08/2026 17:49

hotmumshit · 28/08/2026 17:43

Dont remember this

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I searched and couldn't find it, maybe it was removed.

getthroughonemoreday · 28/08/2026 17:48

Nope. No way. I'm saving my kidneys for my own personal use, thank you very much, and would only consider parting with one for close family. I wouldn't consider him my family, really, if he hadn't bothered with me. The man in this scenario isn't a father. He's a sperm donor.

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