If your dad didnt bother with you, then showed up 20 years later asking for a kidney for his child - would you say yes?

yeah I have been watching Easties and it is definitely a very different situation (as you have acknowledged!)

That said even in the case of Easties which is way better than the scenario you’re imagining I do feel they are emotionally manipulating the brother a bit.

Who is Denise to say she would do it for a brother she didn’t know if he came to her? She really doesn’t know what she would’ve done in that situation!

But in response to your OP it would be a definite no if an absent father came sniffing around asking for help.

Of course!

But my family became much more open to donation as a result of me donating to a stranger. As a result my nephew has several potential donors who would not have considered it otherwise.

That sums it up nicely. Same here.

Family is very different to a stranger.

In any case, after the experience with my son, my kidney is going nowhere just in case he does end up needing it in the future.

No.

My children can't receive donations from me (they have their father's blood type) and I still wouldn't do it. I have a minor phobia of surgery, any operation carries risks, my organs are not a pick 'n' mix for strangers, and I like having a spare kidney, so the only donation I'd consider is a swap where I donate for someone else's child and they donate for mine.

Anyone who says they would do it for someone who is essentially a stranger, but hasn't yet done it for a stranger, is just talking nonsense. Good on those who have. I think it's mad, but it's a very generous thing to have done.

Similarly my nephew is one of those very rare cases. His parents have both been tested and neither is a suitable donor.

Several other people have stepped up to test to donate, including several members of our family.

As I said, the best way to make sure people who need kidneys get them is for it to become more normal for people to consider donating.

I'm someone who had a child in kidney failure where kidney donation was discussed with no history of kidney disease in the family. In the end, his kidneys recovered better than anyone ever expected after a period of time on continuous dialysis as well as medication.

What happened to him was rare but ''it's rare'' or ''the chances of your child needing a kidney is tiny'' isn't very comforting when it was very, very close to becoming a reality and having actually watched your child in kidney failure.

My team said people generally divide into those who can’t imagine donating a kidney and those who don’t understand why you would not donate a kidney.

There is some research into this, and it shows that those who altruistically donate have a larger right amygdala than the population generally, and feel more empathy (look up Abigail Hirschfeld).

I am also baffled by people who don’t think they should donate but I now realize we just think differently.

As someone who has actually donated a kidney, and isn’t just speaking hypothetically, I asked the question about if I should keep my spare kidney in case my children needed it.

The answer was that unless you have genetic kidney disease in your family the chances of your children needing a kidney is tiny.

You’ll also need to be a good match, and healthy enough to donate.

The best way to make sure your child will get a kidney if they need one is for people to normalize donating to strangers.

But really almost no one genuinely considers the likelihood that their child will need a kidney enough to actually find out the best way they could ensure one is available for them, because people mostly aren’t actually put into that situation.

No, not guilted. As I said, I would do simply to be a decent human being. Because it fits my values. That’s all.

A stranger asks me to donate an organ for their child. Hard no

I'm signed up to DKMS to donate stem cells to a stranger if needed. The majority of donations are just by blood being taken but sometimes bone marrow is taken. You can sign up to DKMS if you are older than Anthony Nolan's age limit. I would urge people to sign up as you could save a life without losing any body parts.

Yep.

It's easy to give away your kidney to a stranger when it's only hypothetical.

Or to think your own child will never need your kidney. I'd never forgive myself if I had donated a kidney to a stranger and my own child then needed a kidney.

If I give a kidney to anyone, it would be my own child. Not a strangers child.

Have you ever been contacted? Just looked at the link now and it seems pretty non-invasive. But they do say worldwide so does that mean the probability of being contacted is quite high?

Not a chance.

I have a Nephew and a Brother who may need one. Mine are reserved for my immediate family and my best friend.

They can't force a test.
If someone wont agree to donate then it is a waste of time to see if they are match. And it is so much more than just having the right blood/tissue type.

It is one of those situations where no one truly knows what they would do unless in that situation.

So you think op or whoever should be guilted into giving their organs away??

They would test to see if you were a match. A child should not suffer and die because their father is an arse. “ You were a terrible parent to me, so I’ll get my revenge by letting an innocent child die. That’ll show you.” Incredibly selfish and cruel to the child who
has done nothing to you. How disappointing of you.

I have two children and four grandchildren......and only two kidneys. I think I will keep them in case one of my loved ones needs it.

My dad was a fairly normal, involved parent until his marriage to my mum broke down, he met someone else and moved aboard with her and his new children. He then just stopped all contact, ignored all messages and attempts to communicate. I was an adult by then and I still think about him every day.

Now I feel irrationally angry about the nerve of him asking for a kidney for his child, even though this is so unlikely when he's been no-contact for fifteen years 🤣!

i would ask the dad asking for my kidney if he would give one to a random stranger first, then I’d give his child one..

My son was critically ill 2 years ago with multi organ failure including both of his kidneys. I don't need to imagine what a situation like this would be like as it was my life just 2 years ago though thankfully in the end, he didn't need a transplant. I was very thankful I was 'horrible' and still had a spare kidney should he have needed it.

Nope

That is not really fair.
You may not be a match anyway, and if the transplant team detect any sort of coercion or emotional blackmail, it wont go ahead.

I think what is horrible is not being fucked at all about your own biological child until you need something from them.

Hard one. If I was a match I dont think I could let a child suffer