If your dad didnt bother with you, then showed up 20 years later asking for a kidney for his child - would you say yes?

Ah, I was not really watching it then. I remember in Holby City where Jac Naylor's mum coming out of the woodwork for a kidney from her daughter... to have it and then leave her life again.

Then there is the film 'My Sister's Keeper' where a little girl is forced to donate for her sick older sister.

It was Dexter Hartman, I was remembering Ava’s Storyline as though it was Denise’s child!

I would (if suitable) donate to my DH or DC. DGC if/when we have any. DM or DF if it had come up when they were younger. Nobody else.

I don't think so. She only has the one son and he is 9.

Poor Denise. Years ago didn’t her son get trickes
into giving his kidney away to his estranged dad?

I wouldn’t give a kidney to anyone other than my child.

After I’m dead, the hospital can take whatever they want.

No, never, and I've been on the register for ten years now.

the story line in Eastenders is not to donate a kidney it’s to give blood for stem cells , so this is entirely different ! They are not giving up an organ

I would def give my blood to help a stranger or a family member I knew nothing about

I am registered on the stem cell register to be called upon if I am a match

I am too old now but when I was of age, my extra kidney was reserved for my children.

No, I would not donate to a "family member" that reappeared after 20 years.

I’m saying I’d do BOTH. As I said before, this is consistent with my values. Obviously, it does not for some people.

A father who has abandoned you and their child unknown to you until the so called father wanted something is hardly family.

My spare kidney would be kept firmly in my body just in case for my actual family including my own child.

You do realise that there is a huge difference between being a living donor, and donating something after you have died.
Having an organ removed is not a small operation to be taken lightly.

They are not members of my family. I consider half-siblings and step siblings family ( unlike most Mumsnetters). But if someone in my community: work, friends, groups I belong to, or just a desperate family on Facebook who had no donor matches and I thought I would likely be one, yes, I would. As I would want someone to help my children stay alive if their father and I weren’t matches. My brother received a donor’s heart valve. I am designated as an organ donor as well on my driver’s license. People who want to punish a father by letting a child die are despicable. The very least someone could do is get tested to see if they’re a match. If not, oh well. If they are, it’s time to decide what they and their conscience can live with. There are a lot of really cold, empathy challenged, people who care nothing for anyone but themselves on Mumsnet. Angry and self-righteous about it too.

I'm kind of expecting this with my ex dh towards our now adult dd who he hasn't bothered with for exactly that amount of years. Not that he has had more kids apparently but i could imagine him asking for himself! Our dd is a sweetheart, so she would tie herself in guilty knots, but i think it would be a firm "close the door on your way out" moment...

Lots of kids out there right now needing a kidney.
Why are you waiting for someone to knock on your door? If you feel so strongly about "not letting a child suffer", then why are you not putting yourself out there now to see if you are match for anyone?

No

I’ve only got the one so I definitely need it!

I donated to my daughter in 2000... but the answer to your question is a big NO.

Tho tech and know this has been mentioned

the dad didn’t contact you/them

it was his sister

they didn’t know each other

and not Denise’s fault they didn’t speak /see them

so a totally different scenario from
ee

Thanks.

I really hope a match can be found for your nephew and that everything goes well with the transplant.

No I don’t think they’d have refused, but we all live in a different country to my nephew so no one was asking any of us. As it is, one of them has been tested and did not match, and the others are ready to volunteer if the next potential donor in line doesn’t work out.

I’m so glad your son is ok now.

Anyone wanna give me a kidney instead 🤣

Well my kidneys are buggered so will need a transplant at some point
So mine would be useless 🤣
IF they was working well, i still wouldnt.

Before I had children I volunteered for drug trials to advance scientific research, gave blood regularly and was up for all sorts of research tests. I was a volunteer at Leeds Dental hospital for different things and would have definitely donated bits of me to save other people.
Now every sacrifice or risk in this area would only be for my children. Now it is only about their wellbeing or my wellbeing to ensure I am around for their wellbeing. It's a completely fundamental shift in how I see this. I wouldn't even try and justify or explain my 'no' to anyone. It's just how it is now.

Do you really think they would've refused if you had never donated your kidney to a stranger?

My son's experience opened me up to a lot of things I hadn't really considered before including donations (organ, blood/platelets, stem cell etc) and in the end, it was only blood and platelet transfusions that he actually ended up having. It also opened up conversations about it in the family.