To think friendship is hard for childless/childfree women

That's such a shame. I have lots of child-free friends who have great social lives but many of them have lots of friends who never had children, and so they were free to travel together, do creative projects together etc.

Could you set up a local FB group and a Meet Up groupd specifically for child-free women of your age group looking for friendship, not love?

Are you interested in any hobbies that might attract a more youthful crowd - rock climbing or triathlon training?

Honestly, I think the thing to do is to keep widening your circle in any way that you genuinely enjoy - fitness, volunteering, creativity, further education etc and gradually you will meet people you like. Some will have children. Some might be twice your age. Some will be close to you in age. Focus on what you like about the individuals, not how similar they are to you in age and circumstance.

In my early thirties, one of my closest friends was in her late fifties. Now I am in my sixties, one of my good friends is in her early forties. We had so many things in common.

Hang in there, kids grow up and you'll get a semblance of your friend(s) back, it'll likely not be the same as before but it won't always revolve around soft play.

@PercypiggzI totally get what you’re saying. As a woman in her early 40s who is childless not by choice, I find it so hard to maintain existing friendships and make new ones. I have always accommodated my friends with children. Like you, agreeing to tag along to soft play or a park visit so that I can catch up with old friends even though for me it has been awfully painful at times. Where do I place myself when making new friends? I’m not a mum of small kids, I’m not a mum with older kids. I’m too old for meet ups with 20 somethings but I’m not old enough to fit into the post menopausal groups of older women.
I have zero advice but I completely understand how you feel.

It doesn't need to be that way. Many of my friends have children, we manage meet-ups with and without the kids (as the kids get older that gets easier). I also made some good friends in my workplace. It definitely demands more effort and flexibility from the childfree person when children are young and prone to catching every bug going, and some friends will inevitably fall by the wayside, but others endure and are very glad to have someone they can talk about something other than kids with.

No it literally is 🤣

I don't mean that offensively. But unfortunately once you have kids unless you have a 24/7 nanny and tons of family around to help all the time there is just no time or headspace for anything else. It gets a bit easier when they're older and at school if you're a sahm but otherwise kids completely 100% consume your life. Last week I had 9 unread WhatsApp messages that I just mentally and physically couldn't respond to. Let alone trying to figure out and make plans myself.
My best friend since the start of secondary school so almost 20 years of friendship got so sick of me cancelling or not being able to meet etc because of child related issues that she just ghosted me. And I don't even blame her.

Are you me op?

I'm mid 30s child free and maintaining friendships feels like walking through treacle. I had a health scare last year and there was never an appropriate time to tell my friends as they never asked how I was doing. The danger has passed but I still feel a bit bereft that I didn't have any support.

I slightly disagree OP and find @LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway situation way more common, but I suppose it depends on where you are and how old you are.

As a child free, I could pick and choose my social options because I didn't have to hunt for babysitters, whereas my parented friends obviously did.

I had friends who were parents from their mid-teens, so they were friends with whoever never left to go travelling, studying, launching careers etc. So it was them that struggled the most and fell into friendships with other parents out of sheer necessity.

Not quite the same boat but as a 40 year old childfree by choice man it is also rather difficult to find friends.

I suspect there's other societal reasons beyond being childfree that make it a different challenge to being a woman but I empathise with you.

What are you expecting to "get" from them? Don't you both get the pleasure of each other's company?

I'm going to put it bluntly but it's only hard if you expect to still be the priority. That's exactly why romantic relationships fail after children too - the partner still expects to be a priority, and they're just not any more. If you're happy to be further down the pecking order then friendships/relationships can absolutely survive, you just have to compromise more.

It’s frustrating when your friends with kids want to do kids based stuff but honestly it’s likely so they actually get to talk to you. If I go to a coffee shop with a friend and my kids I don’t get to chat because I’m blowing on hot chocolate, chasing a toddler, answering 2 millions questions, trying to keep them still and entertained, feeding them sandwiches etc etc. At a soft play, they will go and play and I can actually engage.

Do you invite your friends with children round to your house or your area and suggest things that they can actually do with children there realistically.

In an ideal world friends would leave the kids behind and be able to socialise with you, but honestly in reality that can be difficult to do and causes resentment, mum guilt and probably sacrificing other child free time somewhere else etc.

To meet other people without children, I would suggest maybe making more effort to socialise with colleagues at work outside the office, joining female only meet up groups so men aren’t there trying to date, keep checking out events in your local area and hope that if you persevere then you’ll click with someone similarly minded. Join a gym perhaps? I’ve recently done this and connected with lots more women.

Awww, I'm so sorry @Percypiggz That's such a shame. I think many friendships do fall by the wayside when one of you has a baby, and the new mum ends up making new mummy friends.

I found my child free friends were the ones who deserted me when I had my first DC, 3 or 4 of them did, (so it was the other way around for me,) and it made me sad. They didn't want/didn't like children so lost interest in me. (Not all the child free ones, but a few.) I did make some new friends at baby groups though.

I can't suggest much more than you are doing really apart from socialising a bit more with child free people. Hopefully, some child free people may come and advise you. Just wanted to say I am sorry to hear that you're blue, and feeling let down.

You may want to report your thread, and ask Mumsnet to move it to the Child Free Mumsnetters board. You'll probably get more advice there