School mum ignored play date invitation

Just ask her face to face then you won't have to ask complete strangers who don't know her and haven't got a clue what she's thinking .
Face to face or call her.

It's summer holidays! My children were going to have play dates with their friends, they didnt materialise as we were on holiday nearly 3 weeks and then straight back to work, life is vv busy. It was left up in the air and I just never got back to them as we are busy everyday until the end of the hols now. I can't imagine any of these mums think I secretly dislike them (I'm friendly with them!) and I imagine they correctly guess that we are just busy and don't have time for a play date now.

I imagine she read the message, didn't know when she was free/was away at the time/out/busy, then the message is buried down the bottom of the page and she has forgot to reply. I often do this, lots of people message me, I'm in so many group chats where messages are thick and fast so I message over a week ago will be way down my active conversations list. If you really wanted to have a playdate message again.

They see each other at school so wait till then to ask face to face if x would like to come to tea etc...

There’s a Mum I have done this with. I can’t stand her and her little boy is extremely challenging. She is gagging for play dates so she can offload him. When he has come to ours he’s rude and hardwork and mean to my other children.

I just politely decline and then she started messaging my husband for play dates. She’s local so we see her now and then but she’s not at the same school.

In this case she may have just forgot or she’s not keen on having a play date.

She's most likely busy and forgot.
That would be why I wouldn't respond to something.

I do this to everyone and it's not on purpose !
I have three children and it's non stop and I have great intention to respond.. by the time I remember it's been and gone! Some moms are just disorganised and life is chaotic ! Don't automatically think she doesn't like you!

Ive been working full time over the holidays and there have been occasions where I have forgotten to reply to my dd friends mums. Not purposely but im working 8-5, 5 days a week and sometimes I read it, think il reply in a minute and then its gone out my head. Maybe this mum is in a similar boat. Just a friendly message to the mum just to say do you fancy a playdate on x date to remind her?

She’s most likely read it at a really awkward time and then forgotten all about it! Or maybe she likes her summers to spend time with her kids and doesn’t want him seeing friends as it’s family time. Don’t feel bad or awkward just say hello as normal when you see her on the school run and see how things go.

I think you are reading too much into it.

I once invited a mum who had previously said she could make a party we had invited us too and then cancelled on the day. We had another one and invited her and she didnt respond at any point. I didnt push, she has 3 kids and is really busy. I have not invited her again though.

she probably read it when she was busy and it slipped her mind. Have some dates in your mind and next time you see her at the school gate and the kids ask for a playdate organise one there and then

The parents of DSs best friends had form for this. It happened repeatedly. It made me paranoid

i didn’t know that and just looked like multiple times they ignored you.

How many children means you don’t have time to reply to multiple messages?!

I start assuming she doesn’t like me or doesn’t want our children to be friends

In the past, when my self esteem was lower, I'd have gone down that rabbit hole too

But now I'm older / more confident, I'd assume she was busy and forgot to reply

Sometimes it helps to reframe things and consciously think "How would a happy, confident person respond to that?" A bit of DIY CBT, if you will

No she wasn't.

She has a LOT of kids!

There's been times when I've been responding to a WhatsApp message and then got distracted, maybe I was checking dates out, a call came in, whatever snd the message has gone to drafts and I have forgotten about it.

Yes she was rude not to reply.
Accept it and invite other children.
Do not invite the child again.
Accept that she isn't interested and move on.
This can happen
Unless you are that mum you cant possibly know that she isnt interested or rude. Mistakes happen.

Op, just phone and have a quick chat.

Bloody hell

I would hedge a bet this is largely in your imagination … all these nasty nasty parents choosing to sideline your lovely 8 yo
🙄

IME lots of people are absolute funny fuckers about playdates. You can't really do anything about it but remember that before you know it they'll be deciding for themselves who they want to hang about it so just do what you can and dom't take it to hear

Oh, the joys of social media! Life was so much easier before mobile phones……..yes, I suppose I’m a dinosaur but seriously???……..why let something so menial get you so worked up OP?
The other mum could be having to cope with far greater things than a missed play date…….leave it and move on.

I honestly wouldn't read to much into this. We all have busy lives and some parents quite honestly just can't be bothered with play dates (righty or wrongly) she maybe feels a bit embarrassed that this will be the 2nd time her son's been to yours and she hasn't had your son back. Maybe she's been meaning to get round to sorting out a play date with your son but for what ever reason hasn't got round to it and it's one of those things she's put to the back of her mind for the minute

"superficially friendly' was enough op, it sounds like you are being entirely fake, and quite frankly people have better things to do in the summer holidays than spend it with fake friends. I am sure they are spending their time with real friends for example.

I'd message again-sometimes I've seen a message, meant to reply, but when I've had something serious going on, like a relative in hospital, just forgotten it. It's not good, but we're all only human. If the person then sent another "Hi, you never got back to me, do you want to meet?" I'd realise I'd been rude and send an immediate apology and explain.
If she doesn't reply then, she really is rude and I'd forget her.

She is probbaly on holiday and read it in the middle of something and forgot to reply when they got back x

You are overthinking this massively.

This is why I turned off read receipts in WhatsApp.

Yes, same. We all forget to reply sometimes, especially in the holidays.

You might be overthinking this/projecting your own insecurities. Everyone forgets to reply from time to time. This is why I turned off read receipts in WhatsApp.

Maybe she was annoyed your DS didn't go the birthday party.

Some people are just like this with messages. The mum of one of my DD's besties hasn't replied to my message suggesting a playdate over summer, and she also didn't show up at DD's birthday party after accepting the invitation because they decided to go on a last-minute holiday, and didn't think to let me know.

When I talk to her in person she's always genuinely nice and doesn't appear to have any problems with the friendship between her DD and mine. I think she's just not great at messaging and/or making plans 🤷‍♀️

I think you are maybe reading too much into this.

It is likely she saw the message when it came through, read it, wasn't in a position to immediately reply and has since just completely forgotten.

That is what I would assume has happened. I wouldn't jump to conclusions based on this.

Why not message again and offer up another invite for after they have gone back to school? If she reads and doesn't reply again, then yes, there may be an issue that you can then address if you want to.

Chances are when she see's the 2nd message she will feel awful about not replying to the first and apologise.