School mum ignored play date invitation

Yes, people always accuse others of being in one but never say they are

Do people have lives outside of their children? And the dramas

Well isn't that nice that you're so perfect...

I'm human. People send me messages and I read it when busy. And then I think "ohh I'll reply later" except thanks to peri menopause brain I forget totally!

I'm not rude. I'm just human and a scatterbrain sometimes.

I think its super odd to construct such an imaginative narrative from just one text you sent. Did you send a follow up text a few days later? I mean if they ignore a second one, then you might suggest it was rude...

But that’s you. Other people, including me, would absolutely forget and appreciate a reminder. There’s nothing ‘pushy or desperate’ about saying ‘Hi X, resending in case you didn’t see this — no worries if it doesn’t suit.’

That's nothing tbh. I'm extremely inactive on Whatsapp but I just counted all the chats from August and it was 40! Most were just one or two sentence catchups or last min logistics. A few are spammy group stuff which I'm not obliged to reply. At any one time, I only have 1-3 active chats where I need to give a personal response to and I certainly don't feel overwhelmed to the point I'm missing messages.

If the PP really has 59 active and ongoing groups that they need to reply to simultaneously then they need to have a serious look at adult screentime addiction.

Yes to be perfectly honest, if she wanted to reply to you, she would have. You never overlook messages from your 'Top Tier' friends. Everyone has that list of friends who you really enjoy and whose children you love organising trips and play dates with. If you get a message or invite from any of them, you don't just forget because you are genuinely excited about the prospect of meeting up.

You only overlook or forget a message from lower tier friends who you don't really care for anyway but stay in contact with out of convenience. It could be a genuine mistake where she intended to reply but forgot after seeing the message but it also means she really didn't feel excited enough at the prospect of a playdate to remember.

And many parents don't like keeping in contact with other families over the holidays because they are more like colleagues. They remind them too much of school and term time responsibilities. It sounds like the other mum sees OP as another generic school parent and not someone worthy of spending valuable holiday time with.

I’ve had this but in the end gave up because the mum does my head in anyway 😂 and I thought it was so rude but in my situation I asked in person at school and had her kid over mine about 8 times in total, always have dinner made effort for them to do fun stuff, my boy has been invited over there once (through guilt I think and a duty to ‘repay the play date’) and he thinks he’s the problem, he’s not it’s because the mum can’t be bothered and would rather have other kids over that she is clicky with at school. Anyway, I would send one more message just super casual and just say something like my son mentioned he’d like to see your son for a play date if you’ve got any free dates just shout 👍 then leave it. It won’t sound pushy at all, she may well have just forgot, doesn’t sound like my own situation at this stage if honest ☺️

I think she probably thinks she replied saying they couldn’t make it that time. I’ve done that before, thought I’d sent a message but actually just composed the message in my head ready to write later. Or occasionally I write a message but get distracted and don’t quite finish it, but just assume I sent a message and I haven’t.

Just say hi next time you bump into them. You’re overthinking it.

I was recently away on an intensive work course for a few days and when I had access to my phone at the end of each day, I had messages from 10+ groups/people which I quickly skimmed through. It was only a week or so later that I remembered I hadn't really taken the messages in so went back to read them.

It's manic over the summer with everyone's routines being off, I would just assume the message had been forgotten and send another.

I would invite the other boy over for a playdate and when that is settled, msg this mum and invite her son to the playdate as well.That way you can tell if she is genuinely ignoring you or perhaps did just forget to respond. This way there is less awkwardness either way because you were simply being friendly and polite including her son in existing plans rather that relying on them for the playdate to happen.

We haven’t had time to organise a single play date this summer. Many parents do an insane amount of juggling over the summer holidays and are crazy busy.

It’s probably nothing, just busy and forgot, but…. Could there be a reason not to want to send her child to your house? Big dog? Naughty kid? Smokers?

Hardly.
My dc arrange their own social lives these days, but the point is, the OP's chat with this other child's Mum isn't likely to be the only time her phone pinged that day. Very easy to think "I'll check the calendar when I get home and reply this evening" but then something else happens and it goes from your mind.

So you are in 59 different chats with people that are all trying to arrange playdates?

Comparing apples with oranges...

Also, I’m autistic and find social interaction draining. But I put on my best social face if someone texts me and it’s about our kids meeting up. For my daughter’s sake if not mine!

She’s probably busy and completely forgot to reply! Stop overthinking it!

Im the same as you OP, I find this behaviour really rude as im pretty conscientious on this type of stuff.

That said, my wife is much more like the concensus on this thread. She gets it right. Dont overthink how you might look "desperate or pushy" you are doing this for your kid so just crack on! Send another message and see what happens.

Your intuition is probably right about this woman BUT so what?! She isnt gonna be your bestie and your son is unlikely to stay mates with the kid for life so who cares! Try again on behalf of your son I reckon. Good luck!

The thing is I don’t forget to reply to messages from people I care about/ respect/ am trying to build some kind of polite or friendly relationship with.

I've just counted. I've had messages in 59 different chats this August. If I were still at the stage of juggling work and childcare and all the things dc go to when out of routine in the holidays as well as usual life worries, and caring responsibilities and generally doing all the juggling I did when my dc were young, I am pretty sure I would have forgotten to reply to more than one of them.

Possibly the other parent isn't quite as perfect a parent as you are ?

I agree. These days, people seem to think it’s ok to treat others like disposable trash. Not all of us want to sign up to that.

Also not everyone has the summer holidays off, I don't I'm doing the whole childcare, holiday club and work juggle plus sorting out play dates etc for when I'm not working. I'm going to miss a few things here and there!

Someone up thread mentioned the WhatsApp going into the school admin type category.... I totally agree. It depends how many children you have but honestly if you have more than one child you can be literally inundated with several requests a week from different mum's and dad's for play dates with one or other of the children and birthday parties and school things at end of term so it can be really easily missed!!

It's not great to ignore and id always try to reply to someone, but in modern life the admin of receiving messages and responding can feel overwhelming. I often respond to things in my head but don't manage to actually write them down. Playdates are hard for me because I work full time.

You seem to be taking it very personally but it could so easily be an oversight (I mean it could be that she doesn't like you very much too - no one here knows).

She might also have difficult things going on in her life.

I would message her once more and ask again.

It's really rude. A response takes seconds.You're not asking for a 6 page essay! I'm surprised at how many people simply have poor manners.

I am not saying its rude or not rude. I think the stage of life i am in i just dont care enough about it, and if my child really wanted to play with the child i would text again 'i dont know if you missed my invite for a playdate, little william really wants to see alfie'. If nothing let it go, no problem. Its about the children it isnt about you.