Birthday fuss and expense for others

Is it just me who would never ask people to fork out hundreds of pounds for their birthdays. If people are willing to, that’s great and have fun, but if they decline why question it?
Weddings I understand, spending money on my kids, happy to! Same with my husband and parents big birthdays, happy to go all out, but I’ve been asked to spend about £300 on someone’s birthday, said no, and I’m being asked why??

Seems to be two different questions being asked here. I’ll answer the first one YES it’s reasonable to ask people - because they can decline. It’s an invite not a summons.

Secondly, no it’s NOT reasonable to challenge people when they’ve said no. It’s massively rude of her to ask you why or make you feel bad about it in any way.

A group of me and my friends went to a European city for my 30th. Some declined and that was fine. The ones who went either got to see a new city or revisit one they’ve already been to and liked. We all had a brilliant time.

I have spent hundreds attending peoples wedding and baby showers - whereas if I ever do get married I plan to elope. And not everyone will have kids. I don’t know if I will.

Why is it reasonable for people to ask me to spend money on a baby shower or a wedding (and in some cases I’ve not seen those friends after the wedding!) but I can’t ask them to spend money for a birthday?

Look - I’ve declined birthday trips, hen parties and weddings and baby showers . I’ve also attended all those things. Anyone can invite you to anything and anyone can decline. No one should be offended on either side.

I wonder if people just like a big night out, think others do too, and are using the birthday as an excuse? But in that situation I would specifically not tie it to a birthday - just "I really fancy a night away, is anyone else up for it?' In general I think you should pay for your own birthday party, so a hotel and night out only if I could afford to pay for everyone.

This is so ridiculous 🙄.

Acknowledging if people want can be a local night out, same with hen nights

Every year they get grander if people said no more it would lessen

Simply because they might enjoy it too? I love a night or weekend away, have several throughout the year, to me it’s not just ‘celebrating’ the birthday person, it’s actually doing something enjoyable for me too.

Adults acknowledging their own birthday is embarrassing and un-British.

It’s quite normal in my friendship group to have a night or weekend away for a big birthday, but then everyone enjoys it and is more than happy to spend the money. Normal birthday would generally just be a meal out and some drinks at the pub.

Omg this. Birthdays for adults in general. Going on holiday and mixing seeing relatives and there’s always someone’s birthday that must be celebrated. Can’t I just travel somewhere and have a good time without having to devote myself to someone else’s adulation? Likewise, the sheer volume of grannies and cousins. It’s Dorothy’s birthday? Really? Again?

Interesting, this is the complete opposite of all of my female friends, where the usual trend is that they make a fuss of their kids/partners birthdays etc but when it comes to their own they’re expected to be happy with a last minute, thoughtless gift and to cook their own birthday meal!

I mean it depends on circumstances and the type of thing you enjoy, but I love a night away with my friends, and these days it happens once in a blue moon, so I would jump at the chance if someone else organised it. I can also see why it wouldn’t appeal to some, or might be too much to spend at a particular time, that’s fine too. I think it’s harsh to take offence at. I would be glad she wanted to spend time with you, wish her a great time and a happy birthday.

Hi friend
Sorry it is out of my budget at the moment

I would be embarrassed to ask someone to spend that much on me.