Birthday fuss and expense for others

What is most offensive is the requirement that OP explain why she isn’t going! Even a generally oblivious person ought to have the sensitivity to allow others their privacy there, since so often it’ll be about economics.
Far too pushy.

What is most offensive is the requirement that OP explain why she isn’t going! Even a generally oblivious person ought to have the sensitivity to allow others their privacy there, since so often it’ll be about economics.
Far too pushy.

I mean it depends on circumstances and the type of thing you enjoy, but I love a night away with my friends, and these days it happens once in a blue moon, so I would jump at the chance if someone else organised it. I can also see why it wouldn’t appeal to some, or might be too much to spend at a particular time, that’s fine too. I think it’s harsh to take offence at. I would be glad she wanted to spend time with you, wish her a great time and a happy birthday.

I was thinking this. Not so much with my friend group, but my ‘mum friend group’. The ladies usually try to organise something like this around special occasions like birthdays otherwise it’s pretty random to organise a night away/dinner etc.around work/kids especially as these happen so rarely. It works out a treat for everyone, the birthday girl just happens to be the one organising! A few of my mum friends joined me In Milan a few months ago for a lewis Capaldi gig! I was going to with husband and nanny and baby, but he couldn’t go due to his work schedule I mentioned it to a mum (I chat too like you do not besties of anything) on pick up, she said she would love to come, she mentioned it so another mum, and so it went and in the end it was 6 of us! It was my birthday month but it wasn’t actually for my birthday, I was going to do this anyway and a few people tagged along! I was very touched though, at one of the meals I was given a card and a gift and they paid my portion too! (But I think more because I organised flights/hotels and tickets!)It was roughly about £500 per person including concert tickets but the ladies were pleased with themselves for a 2 nights away in Milan! There was one mum who said she would liked too but couldn’t afford it/childcare. When another mum had something for her birthday she did go! You are entitled to feel the way you do and to decline which you have done but it really depends on your social circle! We took out toddler skiing this year and my husband best mate from boarding school and his wife (child free couple) tagged along! He mentioned to his friend we were going, the wife text me for details and voila they joined us! And were surprisingly not put off my toddler and baby weaning at meal times!!! All sorts in the world, no need to be angry about it

It’s off, not enough people to go so more than likely will be a local night somewhere, which I’m happy to go to.

She has now said (word for word, copied and pasted) “ l had better start planning my 40th for next year now, so we can all save and keep the date in the diary. I am thinking a long weekend in Croatia or Barcelona 🎉🎉. No one should have plans for next September so we can sort something out soon!!!”

Now, for me. I don’t want to go. Those places will likely be lovely but I’d rather go with my family, or sisters, or close friends. Saying no now will make me look like a massive bitch!

i think she’s got a nerve and the hide of a rhino. I would politely ignore.

It’s off, not enough people to go so more than likely will be a local night somewhere, which I’m happy to go to.

She has now said (word for word, copied and pasted) “ l had better start planning my 40th for next year now, so we can all save and keep the date in the diary. I am thinking a long weekend in Croatia or Barcelona 🎉🎉. No one should have plans for next September so we can sort something out soon!!!”

Now, for me. I don’t want to go. Those places will likely be lovely but I’d rather go with my family, or sisters, or close friends. Saying no now will make me look like a massive bitch!

It’s off, not enough people to go so more than likely will be a local night somewhere, which I’m happy to go to.

She has now said (word for word, copied and pasted) “ l had better start planning my 40th for next year now, so we can all save and keep the date in the diary. I am thinking a long weekend in Croatia or Barcelona 🎉🎉. No one should have plans for next September so we can sort something out soon!!!”

Now, for me. I don’t want to go. Those places will likely be lovely but I’d rather go with my family, or sisters, or close friends. Saying no now will make me look like a massive bitch!

What is it with women (I’ll say women as I’ve never personally known a man to do this) who want to make a huge fuss for their own birthdays, involving others spending £100s ! Not even big birthdays, say 39 or something??

I’ve got a newish friend, and we met as our daughters grew close over the last few years as they’re in the same sports activity every week. We get on, not best friends but meet for coffee etc. We have been away overnight with the girls when they compete.

Anyway, I’ve been invited to her birthday night out end of September, and she wants to go to another city by train, book a hotel etc. I’ve politely declined and said I would go to a local night for for a meal or something. I’m not paying for hotels, travel, food, drinks etc for someone’s birthday. I would never expect anyone to spend that on me, and I can’t believe anyone thinks it normal to ask others to drop loads of money to celebrate them.

Before anyone says, just say no, you can decline etc. Well I’ve declined and she’s messaged away from the group chat she set up, to say she’s disappointed I can’t make it and asked why?

I haven’t replied yet but I’ll be honest and say I’m not paying £300 or more for a night out.

Is it just me who would never ask people to fork out hundreds of pounds for their birthdays. If people are willing to, that’s great and have fun, but if they decline why question it?

Weddings I understand, spending money on my kids, happy to! Same with my husband and parents big birthdays, happy to go all out, but I’ve been asked to spend about £300 on someone’s birthday, said no, and I’m being asked why??

With my absolute best friends, we just go out for a meal, no fuss.

Years ago, someone else wanted me to spend nearly all I had in savings to go to Vegas for her wedding, and I said no to that, and she was put out by that too! (And got divorced a year after the wedding).

AIBU here?

That's shocking! You do live & learn

I think some people are just very self absorbed. A few years ago, I spent £800 attending a hen do abroad (meaning I couldn’t take my children on holiday that year) plus extra for the wedding. Plus it was the friends 30th birthday later same year that also cost a fair amount. When it came to my birthday she suggested ‘crisps and dip’ at a mutual friends house because she couldn’t even be arsed to go for a meal. I’ve learnt the hard way that some people are happy for a lot to be spent on them and love the attention on them but god forbid it’s someone else’s turn. Keep my circles very small now.

Yes you’re right, I suppose I am disagreeing with myself. I suppose what I mean is knock yourself out if you’re into paying for things like this, but what I disagree with is being asked why. It’s just not something I want to pay for, at all.

I’d be tempted to reply ‘I don’t like you quite enough to justify spending that sort of money’. 😂