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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU sleeping arrangement

837 replies

strawberrylemons · 28/08/2026 10:13

I’m visiting my parents this weekend, as are my 2 sisters (we’re all adults 23,29 and 32). I’m bringing my husband, sisters are going alone. I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with twins, this is relevant.
all the bedrooms have a single bed in them, prior to pregnancy id just share with my husband and we’d have a bad nights sleep but get over it. Now im pregnant sleeping is a bit more uncomfortable and I need a pillow under my belly etc. so someone has to sleep on the sofa. I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy. So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa. I’ve asked both my sisters if they’d give their bed up for me, they’ve both said no. My one sister even had a tantrum over it and said she just won’t visit if I’m going to take “her” bed (bear in mind she hasn’t lived at my parents house for 7 years).
I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend. My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
Am I being unreasonable expecting someone to give up a bed for me? I would never ask at any other time in my life, it’s just one weekend during my pregnancy.

OP posts:
Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 28/08/2026 11:07

You have your bed. Husband on sofa. Other options book a hotel or husband stay at home and just have a weekend with your family.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/08/2026 11:07

strawberrylemons · 28/08/2026 11:03

He hasnt refused, not at all, I’ve made that decision for him. I refuse to let a guest, in the family home, sleep on the sofa. Yes he’s my husband and “he’s family” but he isn’t super close to my family, it’s not his home, he deserves a private space and I feel the same when my brother in law visits, he’s made comfortable too.
yes to some people this seems like I’m being difficult but making guests feel welcome is so important to me, I won’t argue it anymore.

Yeah but it’s not your house and your sisters don’t want to sleep on the sofa so however you look at it, a compromise needs to be made. You can’t decide all the guest rules in a house that isn’t yours. What you want isn’t more important than what your sisters want because the house isn’t any of yours.

BettyscakeShop · 28/08/2026 11:06

Maybe too short notice for this visit but could your mum get second hand bunk beds for one room?

can you post a photo? Someone may have an idea?

Merrymoonage · 28/08/2026 11:05

strawberrylemons · 28/08/2026 11:03

He hasnt refused, not at all, I’ve made that decision for him. I refuse to let a guest, in the family home, sleep on the sofa. Yes he’s my husband and “he’s family” but he isn’t super close to my family, it’s not his home, he deserves a private space and I feel the same when my brother in law visits, he’s made comfortable too.
yes to some people this seems like I’m being difficult but making guests feel welcome is so important to me, I won’t argue it anymore.

You can’t “refuse to let a guest” sleep on the sofa while not being the one to give up a bed though. It doesn’t work like that.
No one else thinks your husband deserves more private space than his SILs in their family home.
Your only option is to not attend if you feel so strongly about your sisters sleeping in their own beds.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/08/2026 11:05

Just visit a different weekend or sleep on the sofa yourself. Your husband sleeping on the sofa for 1 weekend would be fine though, you are making a bigger issue of this than it needs to be.

SylvanMoon · 28/08/2026 11:05

strawberrylemons · 28/08/2026 10:24

I promise I’m not being difficult, there are 3 single bed rooms with no space for anything on the floor, it’s an issue every Christmas, the only double room is my parents room

You're saying "it's the only option" while insisting your DH can't possibly sleep on the sofa. So, seeing as how you don't want your father or mother to sleep on it and your sisters are not volunteering to do that either, you've no solution. So either stay in a hotel for the visit, or let your DH sleep on the sofa.

PS5Gamer · 28/08/2026 11:04

Can he not just sleep on the floor, minus air mattress. If not, and he won’t sleep on the sofa he stays at home or you both visit at a different time to your Sisters.

SquidgyPudge · 28/08/2026 11:04

There is no need to fit in an airbed. If your husband doesn't want to sleep on the sofa (have you even asked him?) then just use a spare duvet folded over and he can sleep on that on the floor. Fine for a couple of nights. I'm sure there is the width of a person space in the room?

strawberrylemons · 28/08/2026 11:03

Merrymoonage · 28/08/2026 10:48

It’s making him sounds like a bit of a diva. What sort of man refuses to sleep on the sofa due to ‘privacy’ but thinks his sister in law should let him sleep in her childhood bed while she sleeps on the sofa instead? It’s really weird.

He hasnt refused, not at all, I’ve made that decision for him. I refuse to let a guest, in the family home, sleep on the sofa. Yes he’s my husband and “he’s family” but he isn’t super close to my family, it’s not his home, he deserves a private space and I feel the same when my brother in law visits, he’s made comfortable too.
yes to some people this seems like I’m being difficult but making guests feel welcome is so important to me, I won’t argue it anymore.

OP posts:
Tryagain26 · 28/08/2026 10:59

strawberrylemons · 28/08/2026 10:23

There isn’t space for an air mattress please stop suggesting this. There aren’t any other options than for someone to be on the sofa

The other option is to get a hotel room. You will probably be a lot more comfortable. And you will have your own space to retreat to if it gets too much for you

luckylavender · 28/08/2026 10:58

You could sleep on the sofa

SereneFinch · 28/08/2026 10:58

Given you are having twins, this is going to be a problem going forward. So set the expectation now and stay in the cheapest hotel you can afford. Which is what you will have to do once you visit with the babies.

PopcornKitten · 28/08/2026 10:57

Have you actually asked your husband about any issues with the sleeping arrangements? He might be perfectly happy on the sofa with his ILs walking past to deal with the dogs.
I’ve said no because I would hate that. I’m quite particular about where I sleep and privacy. He might not be bothered. The comments on here are fairly split too so you may be worrying needlessly.

mindutopia · 28/08/2026 10:57

I wouldn’t want to sleep on the sofa with someone’s husband wandering through in the morning. That’s totally understandable. Stop on your way for an inflatable mattress. Long term, you’re going to need a better set up, because where will the babies sleep? Your husband needs to prepare now for the challenges of sleep ahead. With our first, Dh slept on a mattress on the floor at our house for 18 months! Me and dd needed the double bed. This is parenting.

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 28/08/2026 10:57

you are describing the issue as your sisters not being willing to give up their bed to you, a pregnant woman

but that is not the issue they are seeing. You are asking them to give up their bed to pander to your husband.

It’s obvious that he’s the most appropriate to sleep on the sofa in this instance

at the moment it just looks like you care more about men, and particularly your man, than anyone else

you need to accept the no from your sisters and he sleeps on the sofa or you both stay at a hotel?

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 28/08/2026 10:56

For goodness sake OP your husband can kip on the sofa for a weekend and give his pregnant wife the bed!

This shouldn't even be a conversation even if he does get disturbed.

You're carrying his twins and he's worried about his discomfort?

I've heard it all now 🤣

PurpleThistle7 · 28/08/2026 10:55

This sounds like it’s a longer term issue then as you can’t go stay with the babies. Just leave your husband at home or find a cheap hotel or accept that you can’t all go stay at the same time. It’s not going to work to do this again.

Alternatively pick the biggest single and move every single bit of furniture out of there except the bed. You should be able to squeeze a single air mattress on the floor. My son’s room is tiny but if we take out the book shelves and desk we could jam in a mattress on the floor.

Underthemoon1 · 28/08/2026 10:54

You say "ideally I don’t want to be on a blow up mattress if I can help it! But I think that’s going to be how it is"

That phrasing made me think there are underlying issues going on between you and your DH. No one here has suggested for a minute that you should be in a blow up mattress! Everyone is suggesting that you DH should be. Yet you say it's going to be you. Why is that? Are you worried about your DH's reaction if he's the one in the least comfortable place? My assumption is that you're worried he's going to be sulky or surly and you are blaming your sisters for not helping you avoid the situation!

DeftGoldHedgehog · 28/08/2026 10:54

I'd just stay nearby in a hotel, unless they can get a double sofa bed or double blow up bed in the living room the house isn't big enough to have a couple staying over.

strawberrylemons · 28/08/2026 10:54

RVectensian · 28/08/2026 10:50

Indeed. Why is this so complicated?

There isn’t space, it’s not complicated. The three single rooms do not fit an airbed. My parents would’ve put a double bed in years ago if there was the space but there isn’t. I’m not being difficult for the sake of having an argument, it’s just the situation we’re in. I’m not lying about the size of the rooms 😭

OP posts:
Doctordoolittle · 28/08/2026 10:53

strawberrylemons · 28/08/2026 10:52

I’m tempted to add photos of all three bedrooms to show everyone what the rooms look like, people don’t seem to believe that not everyone has big rooms in their house! Two of the rooms are narrow and the other one has a wardrobe in it, there’s nowhere to move it to so we can get an airbed in.

You are about to have twins so there won’t be anywhere for them to sleep in that house if not even room for one airbed.

sadly it seems like an alternative location will be needed from now if you all wish to sleep in the same house.

brinik · 28/08/2026 10:53

Merrymoonage · 28/08/2026 10:48

It’s making him sounds like a bit of a diva. What sort of man refuses to sleep on the sofa due to ‘privacy’ but thinks his sister in law should let him sleep in her childhood bed while she sleeps on the sofa instead? It’s really weird.

Agree with this. Not sure why you’ve positioned this as your evil sisters not giving up their childhood beds to accommodate your pregnancy! Your husband can sleep on the sofa and if that’s too small then an airbed in the living room.

wfhwfh · 28/08/2026 10:53

I think if you speak to your husband, he will gladly say he’ll sleep on the sofa.

It just means he’ll have to agree to get up a bit earlier to fit in with when your mum needs to see to the dogs. Im sure he can cope!

I understand you are getting frustrated at your sisters but I think they’ll be expecting this of your husband. Im sure if it was just the 3 sisters and 2 beds, the pregnant sister would not be on the sofa.

Just speak to your husband and dont worry yourself.

paomara · 28/08/2026 10:53

I think I'd make up some pg related excuse and back out of this ridiculous arrangement TBH. Let the sisters go and you and DH visit another time. Unless there is a big celebration/gathering for something or other? If it's just a visit I'd defer it.

I'm not pg and even I would hate the sound of this crush in a small house. Nope I'm worth more than that at this stage of my life! I understand the cost issue in getting a hotel, and also the uncomfortable feeling of your DH sleeping in the living area. I mean what adult wants that?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 28/08/2026 10:52

What will happen once the grandchildren do start to arrive ?

is this going to be the last time the 3 daughters all visit at the same weekend.

why this weekend - is it a special birthday for someone ?

I can't see why the man can't sleep on on sofa and get up for the day when the family start getting up to let the dog out etc.