AIBU sleeping arrangement

Why is your husband a ‘guest’ with your family? My dh is not a guest with mine nor me with his. Either of us would sleep on a sofa, although obviously I would not when pregnant. Chuck him on the sofa, celebrate that it finally elevates him beyond guest, and go visit. He’ll be fine. You’ll have a bed. Op, you are going to have twins. That is a huge event. Please focus on the things that matter. In a few month that will be sleep, counted by minutes, and resetting the kitchen and doing laundry so you can cope. Anyone who wants to stress about minor details like a man sleeping on the sofa will be someone you have no time for while you’re keeping two babies alive.

Okay, I’ll explain the logic, since apparently this distinction is impossible for some people to understand.

OP’s husband did not grow up in that house and was not raised by OP’s parents. He is absolutely a family member, but that doesn’t mean his relationship to his in-laws’ home is identical to the relationship OP and her sisters have with their childhood home.

In this situation, he can be both a family member and a guest in his in-laws’ home. OP’s sister, on the other hand, is their daughter who grew up there. In many cultures and families, that distinction matters when it comes to hospitality and who is expected to give up their space for whom.

You don’t have to agree with that family dynamic, but pretending there is no distinction whatsoever is just being deliberately obtuse.

If I were the husband and I turned up at the house and my pregnant wife said off you go to use my bed darling, I'm on the sofa - I'd think I was on Candid Camera.

I agree with you, so many wet men these days. A couple of nights in a sleeping bag by the OP’s bed won’t kill him. He doesn’t need an air bed FFS.

I have said this 3 times now - but I suppose OP wants to be the martyr and not accept

Could your DH get up and let the dogs out @strawberrylemons ? Might give your mum a nice break.
I am an early riser though these days (thanking you menopause) so I would offer with no issue. I do appreciate not everyone would want to offer this!

So what? He’s not made of sugar. Hes sleeps on the sofa and you get the bed. There is no issue here.

Yes, I can understand this being an important distinct. I wouldn't like to sleep on the sofa in my in laws house but would be fine at my parents home.

Gosh, problem after problem after problem. No-ones solutions are suitable!

What do you want people to say @strawberrylemons ?

Let us know, so we can say it.........

Also, I don't care how this sounds, I agree with other posters that I would instantly get the ick for any man who would not prioritise a woman's comfort over his own. Maybe I am just fussy though.

I expect you will say that your husband hasn't ASKED to take one of the sister's rooms.

Problem solved if that is the case. He can sleep on the sofa.

Good grief! Of course your “hubby” can sleep on the settee! He’s not a guest despite what you say, he’s your husband. Provided he’s not going to sleep starkers with everything on display, it’s no problem even if your mum or sisters need to walk through when he’s asleep. If he needs alone time, he can chill in your room until everyone else goes to bed.
There’s absolutely no need for you to cause unnecessary drama by insisting you’ll sleep on the sofa. YABVU.

This.

Sorry OP your sisters are being selfish but that is their right I'm afraid. You need to find another solution. Do you need to go the same weekend as them? Just don't go now and pick another time. Or take the train and DH doesn't come. Or one of the many other suggestions already made here which you have rejected. You may decide to sleep on the sofa, but if your husband takes the bed and lets you do that, I'd have no respect for him.

Your parents can’t be that old. I could sleep on an airbed (you can get single, double height ones for £32 from Tesco at the moment) or the sofa for a short time and I’m 60.
Take them up on their offer.

I think the reality is that this will be the end of you all visiting at the same time, as simply, if there isn't enough room to accommodate a small extra blow up bed then you're literally going to be stuck for space in the same way with travel cots etc once the babies arrive. In this scenario hubby should just sleep on the couch and get up before mum lets the dogs out etc. Just one night so no big deal, but longer term this problem is going to get worse.

@FoldItIn there is zero chance my husband would take anyone'sbedroom if that meant the person would be on the sofa. What man would??

Exactly. It should be an immediate ick that a man is happy to do that.

You could put a mat on that narrow piece of floor space. Travel mats and camping beds are not large. One of my children has a bedroom like this, but still has friends over to stay. It’s not ideal, but probably better than the sofa.

Sorry @strawberrylemons but there is zero chance my husband would take anyone's bedroom if that meant the person would be on the sofa. What man would??
So I think either cram an air mattress in somewhere or you sleep on the sofa.

I suspect you are going to make a huge drama once you get there though to attempt to guilt one of your sisters 😈
Your DH is going to be mortified that you have painted him as a diva, imagine your IL's telling everyone you are too precious to sleep on a sofa so your pregnant with twins wife had to! Or one of your SIL's. Ouch.

So your only solution is for you to sleep in the sofa to minimise any small level of discomfort for your DH?
If that’s how you’re going to start parenthood off knock yourself out.
I’m sure your family will all be thinking less of the man who allows his pregnant wife to sleep on the sofa while he takes the bed.

I am one of 3 sisters too and although we’re not incredibly close they would never let me sleep on the sofa when I was pregnant and would totally get their BIL being more comfortable in a bedroom. They’d probably alternate nights in the sofa over the weekend.
I totally get your disappointment on them not being more flexible. I’m hoping they are a little more generous when you’re actually there and offer you a bed for the night (or your parents put the foot down and/or bang their heads together).
Hope you do have a nice weekend together.

Please please please post pictures of the rooms. It’s just difficult for anyone to imagine a bedroom that doesn’t have a narrow walkway next to the bed that you can squeeze someone sleeping in. I’m not rich by a long way, grew up in a tiny house with friends who also had box rooms (which meant moment you lay down on floor the door had to stay shut until you got up).

YANBU to say that you need either a single bed to yourself or fair share of a double. YABU to turn down the offered workable option (you and husband go in parents' room with the double bed, parents use couch and your tiny room's single bed) and insist on a different solution that isn't being offered. If your parents wanted to, they could simply say in advance that you're going in Room X (one of the singles your sisters normally use) and Sister Y is going on the couch, but they are not offering this. Chances are they are going to be MORE upset if one of your sisters cancels or gets into a funk over it than they will be swapping with you and taking the couch/tiny room.

The AIBU question was unnecessarily complicated because you originally said that (1) YOU did not want your husband to sleep on the sofa, and didn't mention until later that your parents didn't want him there, and (2) you needed an actual bed. Of course if you can take the couch if that's workable for you; that's the least disruptive option. Also, YABU to post an AIBU and then try to shame people who reply for being overly invested in your problem! 😂

wrong thread!

Wouldn't do what to a family member? The very thing you think he should do to them? Please, do explain the logic...