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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not want my parents to drive immediately after a 24-hour flight?

162 replies

DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 04:12

Name changed and going to be locationally vague, because I don't want to start a drama if this is outing.

We emigrated to another side of the world a couple of years ago, and my parents are coming to visit for the first time (although only seeing us for the first couple of days before essentially going on holiday to the rest of the country). They are in their 60s and have never flown this far before (it'll be over 24 hours of flying on the route they've picked), and I literally cannot get them to understand how tired they are going to be when they arrive. They seem to think that in the couple of days they'll see us, they'll be full of energy for full days out.

Obviously, we have done this journey, and we were exhausted for several days after arriving (let's not also get into the fact that we caught something on the plane, and my parents have gone vaccine-sceptic, that's a whole other thing). Even before the illness hit us, literally all we wanted to do on our first day was sleep.

The most worrying thing is that they've booked a car hire from the airport and are planning to drive to their accommodation near us the moment they get off the plane (we don't live super close to the airport, but are in the same city). They won't let us come and pick them up, and just won't believe us when we say they will be exhausted and not safe to drive.

Am I being unreasonable to labour this point with them? I'm terrified they'll fly here and immediately have a road accident because they're too bloody-minded to believe they will be tired!

OP posts:
Anothercake · 28/08/2026 07:13

DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 06:08

I think this may be the one and only time I've ever come across as suffocating, I only speak to them about 3 times a year, usually! 😂I'm just anxious is all.

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All the more reason to not try and control them, that makes a big proportion of your interactions interfering.

Original poster
DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 07:12

Holdthemayo · 28/08/2026 06:53

Sorry if it’s been asked already but will they be driving on the other side of the road from what they are used to. If so this is selfish and madness on their part .

My car was hit head on and my boyfriend instantly killed by a business man who left the airport and drove after a long haul flight . The accident happened on a rural route . The car behind him saw him turn on to the wrong side of the road at a junction and tried to flash and beep him because he could see our headlights in the distance but nothing worked and we collided on a bend .

The driver would not be convinced by anyone at the scene he was on the wrong side of the road is something I remember the witnesses telling me in court . He was in his 60s .

Thankfully, we drive on the same side of the road at least. I think I am just hyper-aware of how incredibly tired I was after we flew here, and how I wouldn't have been fit to drive. But perhaps they'll be absolutely fine! As everybody is saying, they are adults, I can only warn them of this possibility, and it is up to them what they do.

OP posts:
Zaza2020 · 28/08/2026 07:12

They are adults. You have tried.

Aboutlola · 28/08/2026 07:09

hardshoulderr · 28/08/2026 06:46

This trip is going to go so well

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I hope to hear about it!

Original poster
DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 07:04

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 28/08/2026 06:49

And they are spending only a couple of (jet lagged) days with OP before leaving? Sounds a bit sad

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Well, yeah, it is, a bit. My mum has basically decided that now we are grown-ups, we shouldn't want her input any more, and if we want her to know something, we'll tell her. She doesn't ask. I do message her now and again, and she comments on stuff on Instagram, etc., but she only really wants phone calls at Christmas and birthdays. I've had a lot of therapy over the years, and I've finally accepted that this is the relationship she wants with me, and there's not a lot I can do about it. It is sad that she doesn't want to be a bigger part of my life, but it is what it is. The other parent coming is my step-dad. When I see them we do get on (as long as we don't talk politics), but there is also a reason I didn't find it especially difficult to move away.

Regardless, I am really pleased they are coming to visit me! But I do personally feel they're coming to visit the country I live in slightly more than they are coming specifically to visit us. They won't stay with us, despite our offering, and they really don't want to spend that much time with us before they're off to everywhere else (places we haven't even visited yet!). I think my mum just has a thing about not wanting to impose or be nosy, and we've had it out with her many, many times about how this actually makes us feel, but as I say, it is what it is.

OP posts:
ItsTheCatsPJs · 28/08/2026 07:01

But surely they want to get the car at the airport so they have the car for the rest of the trip. Airport car hire, and drop off again before you fly home, makes sense. Keeps you independent and on the move. Why would they add faff to their journey with taxis and pick ups and then more taxis and ferrying about to get a car when it’s just there.

If you’re less than hour away it’ll be fine.

Holdthemayo · 28/08/2026 06:53

Sorry if it’s been asked already but will they be driving on the other side of the road from what they are used to. If so this is selfish and madness on their part .

My car was hit head on and my boyfriend instantly killed by a business man who left the airport and drove after a long haul flight . The accident happened on a rural route . The car behind him saw him turn on to the wrong side of the road at a junction and tried to flash and beep him because he could see our headlights in the distance but nothing worked and we collided on a bend .

The driver would not be convinced by anyone at the scene he was on the wrong side of the road is something I remember the witnesses telling me in court . He was in his 60s .

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 28/08/2026 06:49

hardshoulderr · 28/08/2026 06:46

This trip is going to go so well

Show quote history

And they are spending only a couple of (jet lagged) days with OP before leaving? Sounds a bit sad

notimagain · 28/08/2026 06:49

Penty of people hop off flights at places like Heathrow having been travelling for 24 hours and then head off to pick up a car from car hire or go to one of the long term car parks to pick up their own vehicle.

I'm not saying it's wise or sensible but if it's a short drive and they've slept on the flight it's kind of hard to criticise too much.

MellowSubmarine · 28/08/2026 06:48

let’s not also get into the fact that we caught something on the plane and my parents have gone vaccine-sceptic

Do you live somewhere that has recommended vaccines for visitors?
If not, I’m not sure this is particularly relevant. It’s August, they won’t have even been offered their flu jab yet (if they’re old enough) so the fact that they might turn it down won’t make a difference now. What are you worried they’ll catch because they’re vaccine sceptic?

hardshoulderr · 28/08/2026 06:46

Aboutlola · 28/08/2026 06:14

Ok this sounds like a thread I’d be interested in.

You speak to your folks just 3x a year… and yet they’ve flown 24 hours to visit you!

This trip is going to go so well

hardshoulderr · 28/08/2026 06:45

Only speak to your parents three times a year?!

bloidy hell. Weirdddd

Meadowfinch · 28/08/2026 06:45

You're fussing. They are grown adults who will have slept on the plane and are perfectly capable of making their own decisions. They also have a life time of experience.

I'm 63, and would hire a car and drive to the accommodation without another thought.

GardenDiscriminated · 28/08/2026 06:41

DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 06:08

I think this may be the one and only time I've ever come across as suffocating, I only speak to them about 3 times a year, usually! 😂I'm just anxious is all.

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It does sound like you are very anxious about their visit - you need to back off a bit - they don’t want you treating them like your children. You’ll have to learn to deal with your anxiety - it’s not up to anyone else to change what they do do you aren’t anxious. Maybe you should see your GP?

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 28/08/2026 06:26

I have flown long haul on many occasions, having previously lived a long way from home. Personally, I think it would be irresponsible to drive straight after, especially if they're flying in economy. Yes, you get an adrenaline boost that gets you through the airport etc, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you will very likely be sleep deprived and your reactions will be much slower as a result.

It's a bit like drink driving - lots of people think that they're fine behind the wheel when they have been drinking, but they aren't necessarily in a good position to judge. All of the research shows that lack of sleep is dangerous - and that puts other people at risk as well as those driving.

If they're flying business or first class, then they may be more rested, but even then, I wouldn't bet on it.

PollyBell · 28/08/2026 06:26

DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 06:08

I think this may be the one and only time I've ever come across as suffocating, I only speak to them about 3 times a year, usually! 😂I'm just anxious is all.

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You can be anxious all you like you can't order them around how do you think the millons of other travellers around the world cope when they fly long haul and hire cars or drive home from the airport or whatever after a plane

the logic to ban them makes no sense

The ''I am anxious so people have to do what I say'' is what is wrong with the world and getting worse

chirrupybird · 28/08/2026 06:25

I've done this several times no problem, you can often sleep on the flight and by the time you fight your way out of the airport you are fully awake. Perhaps suggest a cup of coffee before they pick up the car if you are worried, and/or meet them there so they can follow you home if it's a tricky route. I guess they need the car for the rest of their trip.

Aboutlola · 28/08/2026 06:14

Ok this sounds like a thread I’d be interested in.

You speak to your folks just 3x a year… and yet they’ve flown 24 hours to visit you!

Aboutlola · 28/08/2026 06:13

DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 06:08

I think this may be the one and only time I've ever come across as suffocating, I only speak to them about 3 times a year, usually! 😂I'm just anxious is all.

Show quote history

You speak to them 3x a year and they e just flown 24 hours to visit you??! How long are they staying for? With you?

Aboutlola · 28/08/2026 06:13

What class are they flying?

Aboutlola · 28/08/2026 06:13

Book a taxi and say it is your treat. 🤷‍♀️

Thegirlwhowent · 28/08/2026 06:09

They are grown-ups. It's not a long journey. They'll have had some sleep on the plane. Let them get on with it.

Original poster
DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 06:08

GardenDiscriminated · 28/08/2026 06:01

They are adults, I’m sure they’ll be fine. Allow they to find stuff out for themselves, as well meaning as you think you are being, you sound a bit suffocating. They are doing things as you would do - that’s ok, they might be fine and they might find jet lag a real problem - try to give them some space to discover for themselves, don’t suck the joy out of their big trip.

I think this may be the one and only time I've ever come across as suffocating, I only speak to them about 3 times a year, usually! 😂I'm just anxious is all.

OP posts:
YertleTheTurtle · 28/08/2026 06:05

I emigrated to the UK from the other side of the world and I have done regular visits back there. My parents lived 3 hours from the airport, so I'd have to get off the plane, collect a hire car and drive to them (including the time it was just me and my 3 month old baby). It was fine - yes I was a bit tired, but getting out of the airport always revived me a bit and it was fine.

For a 45 minute drive I wouldn't think twice - they'll be fine.

GardenDiscriminated · 28/08/2026 06:01

They are adults, I’m sure they’ll be fine. Allow they to find stuff out for themselves, as well meaning as you think you are being, you sound a bit suffocating. They are doing things as you would do - that’s ok, they might be fine and they might find jet lag a real problem - try to give them some space to discover for themselves, don’t suck the joy out of their big trip.